A poem I wrote about 6 months after my son Angelo died... I apologize for...(More)

A poem I wrote about 6 months after my son Angelo died... I apologize for the compression of the video...the original was awesome :-) A Lonely Spring... a Healing Light The cold spring rain falls on my chilled face like a luminous shroud, Death mist, glistening in the street lights glare. I walk this path of inner darkness, wondering about the future, Should I have said more, felt less, never been born? No one has that option really...not to be born, Birth is a cruel lottery, some win, most loose...making the best of the cards dealt. My heart was my prize in this lottery, both my joy and my curse, Able to love and give, an infinite amount...but able to break so easily, The world is evil and empty some days. I hear my footsteps echoing in the dampness and dark, They sound far away, detached really... Not of me, but made by me, I pause...they pause... I think of you. Never knowing where you are in relationship to time and space, A faceless voice with ties to the past and hopes tied in the future... My broken heart mends a bit, repairs itself with the light, The light and warmth those thoughts of you bring. I turn away. For all the people in my life can not make me happy, not now, I carry an inner loneliness that is the gapping wound of loss. Filled only briefly by shared memories, and remembrances, Of the most lovely and brightest Star, my son. He is with my every step, he clouds my every thought, I am the empty vessel his love left behind...an empty vase, The flowers dead, and given back to the earth. I pause...reflect... I've reached a fork in the road of my life. One way the ground is uneven and difficult, The next is smooth and straight...I yearn to go there... For I know that I could continue to go at my pace, this death dirge, Not feeling pressure to exert any energy or to pick my feet up too high. I look down the difficult path, I can only see to the next rise in the road, And what I see chills my soul...for the terrain is rocky and unimaginably rough. I choose, And start the climb that makes me whole. Out of this pit of despair, loss, and pain, Into the light of unconditional love and risk... The risk of loosing myself again, to love...and loss, The pain of it, I am unable to bear the pain of it! But what is the alternative? The even path that leads to despair, That smoothly and effortlessly sucks you in to the tunnel-vision of depression. I fight! Death takes those we love far too soon, And we often fall in love with the wrong people, But if we give up...never attempt again.... Our lives become meaningless, as meaningless to us, As we are to others...so I chose life! Laughing, loving, in your face life! That loves, Cherishes, takes the ultimate risks involved with caring for others. The path is difficult, but the effort and pain tell me I am alive, An important fact for one as dead as I have been! I love, again! Not a lot at first...the wounds heal slow, But the space within me fills bit by bit, with inner strength. I look up to the mist filled sky and see the light of the world around me, Not a blinding white light, but a shaft of golden healing light. Aimed at my heart, with its beginnings in a promise, Not a promise that life will always be good, far from it, I expect many troubles ahead, but I now know...I won't give up! by ravensky23 ~ March 1996 Music Information: Artist: Vincent Bernay Album: Etincelle Song: Serenite Free and legal distribution done by jamendo: http://www.jamendo.com/(Less)