jesus h. christ chapter 14 My disciples and I were coming back from a long road trip where things had happened that we had trouble believing. There was a madman in the mountains screaming all the time at pig herders. "Take your pigs off the mountain. The mountains are for goats. Pigs are our brothers and should roam free on the flat lands." "This is not a Jewish mountain and if we want to raise mountain pigs it is our business." The madman had heard of the King of the Jews and knew who I was when we walked down the hill and wanted to pass him and the two pig herders with about 20 skinny sick looking mountain pigs. "Jesus Christ." "I'm right here, Man. No need to scream." "Oh. No one ever told me that before. Are you proposing that if I talk like a reasonable man I can better reason with these pig herders." "I can't promise. At least not about pig herders in the mountain. It smells to me like some kind of weird cult. But in most cases it is better to retain one's urge to lash out at one's surroundings if one wishes his surroundings to commune with him. So that instead of fighting against life, you embrace it." "I like you, Jesus. You sound like a sensible man." "You have a good soul, my friend. I can see it. You must know the real enemy. And fight with love. It sounds crazy, I know. But it has been tested and works always better than hate." Well, the pigs went crazy, we thought they were all possessed. Absurd in Heinzeit but they scared the Jesus out of us for a moment. Then a black cat the size of a baby camel ran past us so close to my face that I felt its fur on my face. The pig herders ran away, the black cat ran away slowly with a mountain pig in its jaws. And the pigs broke their legs trying to run down the mountain. Screeching like the voice of hell as their flesh ripped on rocks. "Well, that is the strangest thing I saw today." We all looked at Peter than broke out laughing. It was a laugh of relief. The cat could have killed any of us and during the whole event we just stood and watched. We laughed until the mountain pig herders came back with all their brother's and sister's and uncles and aunts, who looked to be often the same person. One big dumb face chewing out the same grunting sounds. "Do you understand them, Mountain Bob." "No, Man. I've lived here 40 years and when they go off in their tribal chants they make only one thing clear." "What's that." "Anywhere else is a better place to be." "Do you know another way down this mountain." "Where do you want to go." "Back to Galilee." "Galilee. I have an uncle there. I will show you the most beautiful way to Galilee." And he did. Mountain Bob took us to a beautiful lake where we camped and he caught many fish. We made bread from the flour we bought in a village we had come to pass through. We all knew and didn't need to say: "The kingdom of heaven is here with us tonight under this big black sky." Because we knew it. And we were it. And people who could see, saw that we were it. "Jesus, where have you been. My child has died from morning." "I'm certain she is just sleeping." "Come and breath some life into her, dear Jesus." "I will. I'm on my way now." Through the crowds. We no longer staged healing. Anyone looking for a little attention came up to me and touched me. Mostly children. "Heal me, Jesus." "Okay. Little boy, what's you name and what's the trouble." "Barnie and I got a monster in my head that climbs out and sleeps under my bed." "Oh, I know that monster. I have one just like him. I thought if my foot went over the edge of the bed he would eat it. Is your monster like that." "Yah." "You know what I did to find out if he really would eat my foot or he was just teasing me." "No, Jesus." "I waited till my little sister was asleep and I pushed her foot out and watched until I fell asleep with my head on my sisters bare bum." "And did the monster eat her foot." "No. But he tickled her toes and made her laugh and she farted right in my ear and I fell out of bed and the monster laughed at me. So I laughed at him and he jumped right back in my head and he is one of my best friends." "I'm going to do that with my sister." "Do that Barnie. And don't forget to laugh at your monster. That's what monsters like most." "And tickling my sister's feet." I put him down and picked up the next kid. "Jesus, stop with the kids, the man's child is dead." "She's not a child. And she is sleeping. And after a trip to the lake she will feel better."
(Less)
Video details
