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2008-04-22 09:22:31 Description: Jims story at the bottom line in Pompano Beach Florida The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists (More) Jims story at the bottom line in Pompano Beach Florida The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit which are the result of overwhelming fear working on the naturalinstincts. It will also uncover the wrongdoing and faults of the addicted person and will identify thepeople he has hurt by his actions. Experience has shown that, in most cases, nothing but a writteninventory will suffice. The advisor needs to know that the addicted person cannot or will not fullyreveal himself until he is required to reduce his self-examination to writing. Denial is the hallmarkof all addictions and he has been hiding from the truth about himself for years. He has become anexpert dissembler, has well-established rationalizations for his behavior and in many cases hasbeen carefully indoctrinated with the excuses which allow him to refuse to take personalresponsibility for the desperate straits into which he has fallen. This Step will also begin theprocess of God-reliance without which the addicted person is helpless. While working the Fourth Step, the addicted person will take several "leaps of faith" whichwill demonstrate the power and trust-worthiness of God when He is called upon. When theaddicted person worked his Third Step, he made a decision to turn his life and will over to thepower of God, but this Step will have no permanent effect unless he immediately takes the actionnecessary to find and be rid of the things in himself which are blocking him off from God. He mustnow put his decision into action and that action begins with the Fourth Step. By working the FourthStep, he will be enabled to identify all of the blocks, all of the insanity, all of the sin, all of the guilt,remorse and shame, and all of the twists of character which have kept him in a state of spiritualbankruptcy. For the first time in his life he will have become entirely honest with himself about allof those things he has carefully hidden from the world, even from his closest and most trustedfriends, relatives and advisors. The Fourth Step has several immediate positive results for the addicted person if he followsthe directions contained in this work. First, he will be relieved of his resentments. Second, he willbegin to lose his fears. Third, he will have an ideal for his future relationship life. Fourth, he willhave a list of all the people he has harmed by his conduct. Fifth, he will have a list of all of hisdefects of character (sins and mental twists) which block him from his God. The defects of character which the Fourth Step addresses are resentment (anger),selfishness, dishonesty and fear. Included in these defects are pride, coveting, jealousy, sloth,egoism, and procrastination. The addicted person will become aware, as he writes his inventory,of all of these problem areas. The problem of resentment and anger is addressed in the first partof the inventory and the problems of dishonesty, selfishness and fear are disclosed in the followingthree parts. In order to accomplish all of this, the addicted person will first inventory hisresentments and then use the spiritual remedy to be set free of them. He will then inventory hisown faults (sins) and look at the people he has harmed. Next, he will list his fears and begin to beset free from those fears. Finally, he will inventory his relationships of a sexual nature, lookingespecially at his selfishness and dishonesty. He will identify the people he has harmed in thoserelationships and will craft an ideal for his future relationship life, paying special attention to hisselfish conduct and selfish motives.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) It is well said that resentments are killers. They dominate our lives, block us from the graceof God, make our lives miserable, lead to thoughts and actions of revenge and consume ourthoughts. If he is to live, the addicted person must be freed from his resentments. The advisormust understand that the addicted person cannot free himself; he has to have God's help! Sincemost resentments are not overt, but, in fact, are lurking somewhere in the subconscious, they haveto be dug out. The addicted person is likely to be in full denial of many of the worst resentments.He may blame himself for the harm that was done to him. He may have pushed the resentmentsdeep inside because they are too painful to think about. Resentments of parents and closerelatives upon whom he depended as a child may be especially difficult to admit or even recognize.The idea of assigning blame or harmful conduct to those whom society has told him he must honorand tolerate may be anathema. He will feel threatened by being asked to catalogue their wrongs.Nevertheless, a full and complete exposition of the wrongs done him is essential to the applicationof a spiritual remedy; to the invoking of God's help to be freed of his anger and resentment. It isalso necessary to give the addicted person a tool to use which will aid him in identifying the peoplewho have wronged him and to make it easy to write about their actions. In addition, there are anumber of words which need to be defined in order to understand the directions for taking a FourthStep inventory. The advisor will want to start the addicted person off with helpful but non-threatening workto do and will want to start him writing without running headlong into his fears and objections.Therefore, the first task is: 1. Look up and write down the dictionary definitions of certain key words. Once this isdone, the advisor will go over the definitions with the person and point out how these words areused in the Fourth Step and how he will apply them in writing his inventory. These words are: • "Inventory" • "Resentment" • "Anger" • "Fear" • "Self-esteem" • "Relationships" (includes both personal and sex relations) • "Security" • "Ambitions" • "Wrongs" • "Domination"The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont.Next, the addicted person should be instructed to: 2. Make a list of all of the important or significant people in his life: • Family • Lovers • Teachers • Employers • Spouses • Children • Judges • Work-mates • Bosses • In-laws • And all who touched his life in any significant way This list is important because it sends the person back through his life and jogs his memory and because included in this list will be his major resentments. This way, he will not miss anyone he should include. When the significant person's list is completed,the advisor will then: 3. Give the addicted person a list of questions which must be asked about each personon his list. The answers to these questions will identify the people who must be included in theresentment list. The answers will also indicate what the addicted person must write about withrespect to the actions of the people he resents. These questions are: • Did this person harm me in any way? • Did this person threaten me in any way? • Did this person wrong me in any way? • Did this person make me angry at any time? • Was this person unfair to me in any way? If the answer is "yes" to any one or more of these question, then that person must be included in the resentment list. To write the list, it is only necessary to: 4. Write down the name of the person andDescribe in detail what that person did which: • Wronged • Harmed • Angered • Threatened and/or • Was unfair to him.The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont. This is done without reference to any wrongs the addicted person may have done to thaperson. It is vital that the wrongs of others stand out in clear detail without amelioration or excuseof any kind. Once the wrongs of others are detailed, the person must then: 6. Write down which of his natural instincts for: • Sex • Security or • Society Were harmed or threatened by the wrongful conduct. He must also be aware and writedown that the wrongs of others were always accompanied by fear; that every resentment is aproduct of fear. We are never angry unless we are threatened in some way. Thus, fear is theprimary trigger for anger and resentment! When the resentment list is completed: 7. The addicted person and the advisor must review it thoroughly. 8. The advisor should point out how destructive and dangerous these resentments are to him and how powerless he is over them. He should know that anger is a deadly poison to him and that since the anger is triggered byfear, he should be able to see that freedom from fear is the ultimate answer to the recurrence ofresentments. In the final analysis, freedom from fear is the product of an abiding faith. At thispoint: 9. The advisor should instruct the addicted person in the spiritual remedy forresentments: • First, it is important to know that the people who harmed him are very probably spiritually sick and that he should view them as sick people. • Second, he must understand that in order to be freed from his resentments, he must be willing to forgive the wrongs that were done him. If he is not willing to forgive, he should pray for the willingness until it comes. He clearlyknows the wrongs he is forgiving, because he has fully and honestly inventoried them withoutdilution of any kind. Therefore, his forgiveness will be fully effective. • Third, he must now pray for each of the people on his list, asking God to give them everything he would want for himself and asking that his anger be removed and that God show him how to be helpful to each of them. When these things are done, his resentments will disappear; he will be freed of this mostdamaging mental aberration.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) This second part of the inventory is designed to uncover the addicted person's defects ofcharacter: • Selfishness • Dishonesty • FearAnd to clearly define his wrongs. He will see how his: • Attitudes • Motives and • Actionshave caused serious harm to other people. He will begin to compile his Eighth Step amends list ofpeople he has harmed. This inventory is not designed or intended to indict or condemn the person,but, rather, to demonstrate to him how his actions have been the cause of his failures in life; howhe must accept responsibility for the results. He is the author of his own misery! God did not do it!The choices he has made, the wrongs he has deliberately committed, his defiance of God's lawsand the violations of his own sense of right and wrong have been the operative causes of hisspiritual bankruptcy. He will see how he has violated the basic rights of other people and how theyretaliated. He will come to understand clearly that, but for his own actions, motivations andattitudes, his life would have been entirely different. He is not the victim. He is the progenitor ofhis own difficulties. The advisor will take a kindly and tolerant view of these deficiencies, sinceharsh criticism or judgments will be entirely counter-productive at this point. To work this second part, the addicted person must answer certain specific questionsconcerning his actions, motivations and attitudes as those relate to his relations with the people onhis resentments list. To accomplish this, he will refer to the list again and put out of his mind thewrongs that the people on the list have done him. He will then look honestly and thoroughly at his own wrongs without reference to what wasdone to him. As to each person on his resentments list, he must: 10. Answer five specific questions. • Where was I dishonest with this person? • Where was I selfish with this person? • Where was I self-centered with this person? • Where did I act with fright? • Did I harm this person in any way by my actions?The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) cont. 11. These questions must be answered with a narrative description of his • actions • motivations and • attitudes. He will, therefore, clearly delineate the defects of dishonesty, selfishness and fearfulresponse. He will begin to see how destructive these defects are to him personally and to thosewith whom he has contact. He will continue to answer these questions with respect to everyone onhis resentment list. When this part of the inventory is complete: 1 12. The advisor should review it with the addicted person, pointing out the defects (dishonesty, selfishness & fear) and the way these have ruined his life and blocked him from God. One important aspect of the advisor's work is the continuous monitoring of the inventory inprogress. First, this permits the advisor to correct mistakes or omissions as the work progresses.Second, the advisor gains much insight into the problems to be faced. Third, the addicted personbecomes used to discussing his darker side with his advisor which will make the coming Fifth Stepfar more productive.THE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory This Third part of the inventory is crucial. This is a tool or technique which will be used bythe addicted person for the rest of his life. The fears which will be the subject of this part are notthe fears arising from the immediate threat of physical harm. The `fight or flight" syndrome is notwhat is addressed here. The fears which have destroyed the addicted person's natural instinctsand bid fair to destroy his life are the fears of future harm, loss, embarrassment, rejection ordeprivation. These fears are occasioned by his perception of a threat rather than by theimminence of physical harm. These fears are, therefore, products of his mind. They have noreality since they deal with something in the future which might or might not happen. Because theyare products of his mind, he has no power over them. He cannot be free of them himself. There isno human solution to these fears and he must have God's help to be free of them. Fear has warped and perverted the addicted person's natural instincts for sex, security andsociety so that they no longer function as God intended them. Fear has literally made him insane;that is, his mind no longer functions normally. Fear has blocked him from God and is the chiefculprit in his spiritual bankruptcy. Fear triggers violent or irrational actions. It leads to dishonestyand anger and is the principal cause of selfishness and self-centered actions. Since the spirituallybankrupt person has little or no faith, fear has him in a strangle hold. This is true no matter whatthe religious convictions of the person may be. So it is clear that the ultimate answer to fear is thegrowth of an abiding faith, but this will not occur for most people until their fears are reduced orThe Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory) cont.removed. Since only God can remove the fear, by its very removal the addicted person will find hisfaith begin to grow; he will come to believe that he can in fact trust God! It is therefore imperativethat he turn to God for the solution to his fears. Here, the advisor will be of enormous value, sincehe will urge and help the person to turn to God in prayer for relief from fear. This Step requiresthat the addicted person first: 13. recognize and write down his fears and 14. what has caused them before he appeals to God for help. There is great spiritual value in going to God after havingbecome completely honest about the problem and defining it clearly. The willingness and effort tobe searchingly honest with himself opens the door to spiritual relief for a spiritual problem. Hemust, therefore, make a list of his fears and the cause of those fears. The advisor should suggesta list of fears which are common among all people and instruct the addicted person to carefullyconsider if any of them apply to him. He should also be instructed to add to the list any other fearsand the cause of those fears. The most common fears are ten in number. • Losing what he has • Of not getting what he wants or needs • Rejection • Economic insecurity • Fear of failure • Fear of death • Seventh, fear of God's punishment • Fear of drinking or drugging • Fear of being found out for what he really is • Fear of the consequences of his previous actions Once this list is complete, the advisor must have the addicted person: 15. Admit and thoroughly discuss all of these fears and then 16. Instruct him to turn to God for the solution. A suggested prayer to be used for this purpose is as follows: "God, these are my fears. (He should tell all his fears to God) I am powerless over thesefears. I cannot get rid of them myself. I need Your help. God, please remove these fears from meand show me what You would have me be." When he has inventoried his fears and admitted them to his advisor and asked God forhelp, his fears will immediately begin to fall away from him. This process can be reduced to aformula: Fears, recognized and written down, admitted to another, and turned over to God equalNO FEAR! The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsSEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) This part of the inventory addresses itself to the primary defects of dishonesty andselfishness and to the wrongs that the addicted person has done to those with whom he has hadsuch a relationship. This, again, is a vital part of the inventory for it considers one of the mostdifficult areas in any human life; the management of the sex instinct. This instinct is so powerful inmost people that they may literally be ruled by it. Certainly, experience shows that even thosewhose behavior continues to be moral and in accordance with God's commandments will havesuffered significantly from the power of this instinct. That it is good and God-given cannot bedenied. That the continuance of the human race depends upon it is clear. Nevertheless, themisuse of this instinct causes havoc with humans and the addicted person is no exception. Themost pertinent question is whether the use of the sex powers is selfish or not. Of almost equalimportance is whether the power was used dishonestly. Then there are the moral questions ofbroken commitments, violations of God's laws, great harm done to others, infidelity, adultery,promiscuity, and incest. Some or most of these elements will be present in every addictedperson's past life. In addition, the wrongful acts of the addicted person will have created greatguilt, remorse and shame. The advisor will find that he is firmly blocked off from God as a resultAnd must understand that only a spiritual solution will solve this problem. The sex inventory istaken by first: 17. Listing all of the people with whom the addicted person has had sexual relations during his lifetime. Brief encounters may be lumped together since they will tend to have the samecharacteristics, but all longer lasting relationships must be listed by the name or by otheridentifying notations. Once this is done, 18. The person must answer five questions about each person or group of persons on the list: • Was I dishonest? • Was I selfish? • Did I arouse suspicion • Did I arouse jealousy • Did I arouse bitterness? • Did I cause harm? • What should I have done instead? The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors SEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) cont. When these questions have been answered: 19. The advisor should review the answers and discuss them thoroughly with the addicted person. Of primary importance are the evidences of: • Selfishness and • Dishonesty and • The nature of the harm done others. It is wise to refrain from expressions of moral outrage at this point, leaving the judgment toGod. The addicted person is then instructed to: 20. Write out an ideal for how he believes he should conduct himself in his future sex relationships. 21. He must pray, asking God to inspire him and to guide him in this endeavor. It is obvious that certain things in his past conduct must be changed radically; selfishnessand dishonesty must not be any part of his future relationships. In addition, he must never againdoing anything deliberately to harm another person. Of prime importance is that he try to reflectGod's love, patience and understanding and to live his life in accordance with God's will andcommandments. Whatever his ideal turns out to be, he must ask God for the power to live up tothat ideal and he should keep this written ideal with him and refer to it constantly. He must beWilling to turn to God in all of his relationships, seeking God's will in each case. He must surrenderhis sex instincts to the will of God without reservation. This is very difficult to do and the supportand encouragement of the spiritual advisor is essential. A sane and moral future sex life will be theresult. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsCONCLUDING THE INVENTORY Two things remain to be accomplished to conclude the Fourth Step inventory. The firstthing is to: 22. Prepare a list of all the people the addicted person has harmed by his conduct as revealed by his inventory. This list of people is the list which will be used in the Eighth Step and to whom amends mustbe made in the Ninth Step. Repentance requires the action of setting matters right in order to beeffective. It is only through making amends that he will be set free from the guilt, remorse andshame which block him from God. The last thing to be done is a : 23. List of the addicted person's character defects. This is the list which will be used as the basis of the Fifth Ste# which follows immediately.This list should include resentments, dishonesty, selfishness and fear and may include such otherobjectionable traits as pride, ego, procrastination, sloth, bad temper, coveting, jealousy,intemperance, immorality, sinful behavior, defiance, rebellion and criminal behavior. Once havingcompleted this list, the addicted person has completed his Fourth Step and is ready to take hisFifth Step.AN ADDENDUM TO THE TWELVE STEP GUIDE FOR SPIRITUAL ADVISORS AND SPONSORSBY Jim B. (Less)
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20, 06:19, 2008-04-22 09:22:46 Description: The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists and perversions of the mind and spirit which are the (More) The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists and perversions of the mind and spirit which are the result of overwhelming fear working on the naturalinstincts. It will also uncover the wrongdoing and faults of the addicted person and will identify thepeople he has hurt by his actions. Experience has shown that, in most cases, nothing but a writteninventory will suffice. The advisor needs to know that the addicted person cannot or will not fullyreveal himself until he is required to reduce his self-examination to writing. Denial is the hallmarkof all addictions and he has been hiding from the truth about himself for years. He has become anexpert dissembler, has well-established rationalizations for his behavior and in many cases hasbeen carefully indoctrinated with the excuses which allow him to refuse to take personalresponsibility for the desperate straits into which he has fallen. This Step will also begin theprocess of God-reliance without which the addicted person is helpless. While working the Fourth Step, the addicted person will take several "leaps of faith" whichwill demonstrate the power and trust-worthiness of God when He is called upon. When theaddicted person worked his Third Step, he made a decision to turn his life and will over to thepower of God, but this Step will have no permanent effect unless he immediately takes the actionnecessary to find and be rid of the things in himself which are blocking him off from God. He mustnow put his decision into action and that action begins with the Fourth Step. By working the FourthStep, he will be enabled to identify all of the blocks, all of the insanity, all of the sin, all of the guilt,remorse and shame, and all of the twists of character which have kept him in a state of spiritualbankruptcy. For the first time in his life he will have become entirely honest with himself about allof those things he has carefully hidden from the world, even from his closest and most trustedfriends, relatives and advisors. The Fourth Step has several immediate positive results for the addicted person if he followsthe directions contained in this work. First, he will be relieved of his resentments. Second, he willbegin to lose his fears. Third, he will have an ideal for his future relationship life. Fourth, he willhave a list of all the people he has harmed by his conduct. Fifth, he will have a list of all of hisdefects of character (sins and mental twists) which block him from his God. The defects of character which the Fourth Step addresses are resentment (anger),selfishness, dishonesty and fear. Included in these defects are pride, coveting, jealousy, sloth,egoism, and procrastination. The addicted person will become aware, as he writes his inventory,of all of these problem areas. The problem of resentment and anger is addressed in the first partof the inventory and the problems of dishonesty, selfishness and fear are disclosed in the followingthree parts. In order to accomplish all of this, the addicted person will first inventory hisresentments and then use the spiritual remedy to be set free of them. He will then inventory hisown faults (sins) and look at the people he has harmed. Next, he will list his fears and begin to beset free from those fears. Finally, he will inventory his relationships of a sexual nature, lookingespecially at his selfishness and dishonesty. He will identify the people he has harmed in thoserelationships and will craft an ideal for his future relationship life, paying special attention to hisselfish conduct and selfish motives.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) It is well said that resentments are killers. They dominate our lives, block us from the graceof God, make our lives miserable, lead to thoughts and actions of revenge and consume ourthoughts. If he is to live, the addicted person must be freed from his resentments. The advisormust understand that the addicted person cannot free himself; he has to have God's help! Sincemost resentments are not overt, but, in fact, are lurking somewhere in the subconscious, they haveto be dug out. The addicted person is likely to be in full denial of many of the worst resentments.He may blame himself for the harm that was done to him. He may have pushed the resentmentsdeep inside because they are too painful to think about. Resentments of parents and closerelatives upon whom he depended as a child may be especially difficult to admit or even recognize.The idea of assigning blame or harmful conduct to those whom society has told him he must honorand tolerate may be anathema. He will feel threatened by being asked to catalogue their wrongs.Nevertheless, a full and complete exposition of the wrongs done him is essential to the applicationof a spiritual remedy; to the invoking of God's help to be freed of his anger and resentment. It isalso necessary to give the addicted person a tool to use which will aid him in identifying the peoplewho have wronged him and to make it easy to write about their actions. In addition, there are anumber of words which need to be defined in order to understand the directions for taking a FourthStep inventory. The advisor will want to start the addicted person off with helpful but non-threatening workto do and will want to start him writing without running headlong into his fears and objections.Therefore, the first task is: 1. Look up and write down the dictionary definitions of certain key words. Once this isdone, the advisor will go over the definitions with the person and point out how these words areused in the Fourth Step and how he will apply them in writing his inventory. These words are: • "Inventory" • "Resentment" • "Anger" • "Fear" • "Self-esteem" • "Relationships" (includes both personal and sex relations) • "Security" • "Ambitions" • "Wrongs" • "Domination"The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont.Next, the addicted person should be instructed to: 2. Make a list of all of the important or significant people in his life: • Family • Lovers • Teachers • Employers • Spouses • Children • Judges • Work-mates • Bosses • In-laws • And all who touched his life in any significant way This list is important because it sends the person back through his life and jogs his memory and because included in this list will be his major resentments. This way, he will not miss anyone he should include. When the significant person's list is completed,the advisor will then: 3. Give the addicted person a list of questions which must be asked about each personon his list. The answers to these questions will identify the people who must be included in theresentment list. The answers will also indicate what the addicted person must write about withrespect to the actions of the people he resents. These questions are: • Did this person harm me in any way? • Did this person threaten me in any way? • Did this person wrong me in any way? • Did this person make me angry at any time? • Was this person unfair to me in any way? If the answer is "yes" to any one or more of these question, then that person must be included in the resentment list. To write the list, it is only necessary to: 4. Write down the name of the person andDescribe in detail what that person did which: • Wronged • Harmed • Angered • Threatened and/or • Was unfair to him.The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont. This is done without reference to any wrongs the addicted person may have done to thaperson. It is vital that the wrongs of others stand out in clear detail without amelioration or excuseof any kind. Once the wrongs of others are detailed, the person must then: 6. Write down which of his natural instincts for: • Sex • Security or • Society Were harmed or threatened by the wrongful conduct. He must also be aware and writedown that the wrongs of others were always accompanied by fear; that every resentment is aproduct of fear. We are never angry unless we are threatened in some way. Thus, fear is theprimary trigger for anger and resentment! When the resentment list is completed: 7. The addicted person and the advisor must review it thoroughly. 8. The advisor should point out how destructive and dangerous these resentments are to him and how powerless he is over them. He should know that anger is a deadly poison to him and that since the anger is triggered byfear, he should be able to see that freedom from fear is the ultimate answer to the recurrence ofresentments. In the final analysis, freedom from fear is the product of an abiding faith. At thispoint: 9. The advisor should instruct the addicted person in the spiritual remedy forresentments: • First, it is important to know that the people who harmed him are very probably spiritually sick and that he should view them as sick people. • Second, he must understand that in order to be freed from his resentments, he must be willing to forgive the wrongs that were done him. If he is not willing to forgive, he should pray for the willingness until it comes. He clearlyknows the wrongs he is forgiving, because he has fully and honestly inventoried them withoutdilution of any kind. Therefore, his forgiveness will be fully effective. • Third, he must now pray for each of the people on his list, asking God to give them everything he would want for himself and asking that his anger be removed and that God show him how to be helpful to each of them. When these things are done, his resentments will disappear; he will be freed of this mostdamaging mental aberration.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) This second part of the inventory is designed to uncover the addicted person's defects ofcharacter: • Selfishness • Dishonesty • FearAnd to clearly define his wrongs. He will see how his: • Attitudes • Motives and • Actionshave caused serious harm to other people. He will begin to compile his Eighth Step amends list ofpeople he has harmed. This inventory is not designed or intended to indict or condemn the person,but, rather, to demonstrate to him how his actions have been the cause of his failures in life; howhe must accept responsibility for the results. He is the author of his own misery! God did not do it!The choices he has made, the wrongs he has deliberately committed, his defiance of God's lawsand the violations of his own sense of right and wrong have been the operative causes of his spiritual bankruptcy. He will see how he has violated the basic rights of other people and how they retaliated. He will come to understand clearly that, but for his own actions, motivations and attitudes, his life would have been entirely different. He is not the victim. He is the progenitor ofhis own difficulties. The advisor will take a kindly and tolerant view of these deficiencies, sinceharsh criticism or judgments will be entirely counter-productive at this point. To work this second part, the addicted person must answer certain specific questionsconcerning his actions, motivations and attitudes as those relate to his relations with the people onhis resentments list. To accomplish this, he will refer to the list again and put out of his mind thewrongs that the people on the list have done him. He will then look honestly and thoroughly at his own wrongs without reference to what wasdone to him. As to each person on his resentments list, he must: 10. Answer five specific questions. • Where was I dishonest with this person? • Where was I selfish with this person? • Where was I self-centered with this person? • Where did I act with fright? • Did I harm this person in any way by my actions?The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) cont. 11. These questions must be answered with a narrative description of his • actions • motivations and • attitudes. He will, therefore, clearly delineate the defects of dishonesty, selfishness and fearfulresponse. He will begin to see how destructive these defects are to him personally and to thosewith whom he has contact. He will continue to answer these questions with respect to everyone onhis resentment list. When this part of the inventory is complete: 1 12. The advisor should review it with the addicted person, pointing out the defects (dishonesty, selfishness & fear) and the way these have ruined his life and blocked him from God. One important aspect of the advisor's work is the continuous monitoring of the inventory inprogress. First, this permits the advisor to correct mistakes or omissions as the work progresses.Second, the advisor gains much insight into the problems to be faced. Third, the addicted personbecomes used to discussing his darker side with his advisor which will make the coming Fifth Stepfar more productive.THE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory This Third part of the inventory is crucial. This is a tool or technique which will be used bythe addicted person for the rest of his life. The fears which will be the subject of this part are notthe fears arising from the immediate threat of physical harm. The `fight or flight" syndrome is notwhat is addressed here. The fears which have destroyed the addicted person's natural instinctsand bid fair to destroy his life are the fears of future harm, loss, embarrassment, rejection ordeprivation. These fears are occasioned by his perception of a threat rather than by theimminence of physical harm. These fears are, therefore, products of his mind. They have noreality since they deal with something in the future which might or might not happen. Because theyare products of his mind, he has no power over them. He cannot be free of them himself. There isno human solution to these fears and he must have God's help to be free of them. Fear has warped and perverted the addicted person's natural instincts for sex, security andsociety so that they no longer function as God intended them. Fear has literally made him insane;that is, his mind no longer functions normally. Fear has blocked him from God and is the chiefculprit in his spiritual bankruptcy. Fear triggers violent or irrational actions. It leads to dishonestyand anger and is the principal cause of selfishness and self-centered actions. Since the spirituallybankrupt person has little or no faith, fear has him in a strangle hold. This is true no matter whatthe religious convictions of the person may be. So it is clear that the ultimate answer to fear is thegrowth of an abiding faith, but this will not occur for most people until their fears are reduced orThe Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory) cont.removed. Since only God can remove the fear, by its very removal the addicted person will find hisfaith begin to grow; he will come to believe that he can in fact trust God! It is therefore imperativethat he turn to God for the solution to his fears. Here, the advisor will be of enormous value, sincehe will urge and help the person to turn to God in prayer for relief from fear. This Step requiresthat the addicted person first: 13. recognize and write down his fears and 14. what has caused them before he appeals to God for help. There is great spiritual value in going to God after havingbecome completely honest about the problem and defining it clearly. The willingness and effort tobe searchingly honest with himself opens the door to spiritual relief for a spiritual problem. Hemust, therefore, make a list of his fears and the cause of those fears. The advisor should suggesta list of fears which are common among all people and instruct the addicted person to carefullyconsider if any of them apply to him. He should also be instructed to add to the list any other fearsand the cause of those fears. The most common fears are ten in number. • Losing what he has • Of not getting what he wants or needs • Rejection • Economic insecurity • Fear of failure • Fear of death • Seventh, fear of God's punishment • Fear of drinking or drugging • Fear of being found out for what he really is • Fear of the consequences of his previous actions Once this list is complete, the advisor must have the addicted person: 15. Admit and thoroughly discuss all of these fears and then 16. Instruct him to turn to God for the solution. A suggested prayer to be used for this purpose is as follows: "God, these are my fears. (He should tell all his fears to God) I am powerless over thesefears. I cannot get rid of them myself. I need Your help. God, please remove these fears from meand show me what You would have me be." When he has inventoried his fears and admitted them to his advisor and asked God forhelp, his fears will immediately begin to fall away from him. This process can be reduced to aformula: Fears, recognized and written down, admitted to another, and turned over to God equalNO FEAR! The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsSEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) This part of the inventory addresses itself to the primary defects of dishonesty andselfishness and to the wrongs that the addicted person has done to those with whom he has hadsuch a relationship. This, again, is a vital part of the inventory for it considers one of the mostdifficult areas in any human life; the management of the sex instinct. This instinct is so powerful inmost people that they may literally be ruled by it. Certainly, experience shows that even thosewhose behavior continues to be moral and in accordance with God's commandments will havesuffered significantly from the power of this instinct. That it is good and God-given cannot bedenied. That the continuance of the human race depends upon it is clear. Nevertheless, themisuse of this instinct causes havoc with humans and the addicted person is no exception. Themost pertinent question is whether the use of the sex powers is selfish or not. Of almost equalimportance is whether the power was used dishonestly. Then there are the moral questions ofbroken commitments, violations of God's laws, great harm done to others, infidelity, adultery,promiscuity, and incest. Some or most of these elements will be present in every addictedperson's past life. In addition, the wrongful acts of the addicted person will have created greatguilt, remorse and shame. The advisor will find that he is firmly blocked off from God as a resultAnd must understand that only a spiritual solution will solve this problem. The sex inventory istaken by first: 17. Listing all of the people with whom the addicted person has had sexual relations during his lifetime. Brief encounters may be lumped together since they will tend to have the samecharacteristics, but all longer lasting relationships must be listed by the name or by otheridentifying notations. Once this is done, 18. The person must answer five questions about each person or group of persons on the list: • Was I dishonest? • Was I selfish? • Did I arouse suspicion • Did I arouse jealousy • Did I arouse bitterness? • Did I cause harm? • What should I have done instead? The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors SEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) cont. When these questions have been answered: 19. The advisor should review the answers and discuss them thoroughly with the addicted person. Of primary importance are the evidences of: • Selfishness and • Dishonesty and • The nature of the harm done others. It is wise to refrain from expressions of moral outrage at this point, leaving the judgment toGod. The addicted person is then instructed to: 20. Write out an ideal for how he believes he should conduct himself in his future sex relationships. 21. He must pray, asking God to inspire him and to guide him in this endeavor. It is obvious that certain things in his past conduct must be changed radically; selfishnessand dishonesty must not be any part of his future relationships. In addition, he must never againdoing anything deliberately to harm another person. Of prime importance is that he try to reflectGod's love, patience and understanding and to live his life in accordance with God's will andcommandments. Whatever his ideal turns out to be, he must ask God for the power to live up tothat ideal and he should keep this written ideal with him and refer to it constantly. He must beWilling to turn to God in all of his relationships, seeking God's will in each case. He must surrenderhis sex instincts to the will of God without reservation. This is very difficult to do and the supportand encouragement of the spiritual advisor is essential. A sane and moral future sex life will be theresult. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsCONCLUDING THE INVENTORY Two things remain to be accomplished to conclude the Fourth Step inventory. The firstthing is to: 22. Prepare a list of all the people the addicted person has harmed by his conduct as revealed by his inventory. This list of people is the list which will be used in the Eighth Step and to whom amends mustbe made in the Ninth Step. Repentance requires the action of setting matters right in order to beeffective. It is only through making amends that he will be set free from the guilt, remorse andshame which block him from God. The last thing to be done is a : 23. List of the addicted person's character defects. This is the list which will be used as the basis of the Fifth Ste# which follows immediately.This list should include resentments, dishonesty, selfishness and fear and may include such otherobjectionable traits as pride, ego, procrastination, sloth, bad temper, coveting, jealousy,intemperance, immorality, sinful behavior, defiance, rebellion and criminal behavior. Once having completed this list, the addicted person has completed his Fourth Step and is ready to take hisFifth Step.AN ADDENDUM TO THE TWELVE STEP GUIDE FOR SPIRITUAL ADVISORS AND SPONSORSBY Jim B. (Less)
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20, 06:21, 2008-04-22 09:22:46 Description: Jim B tellin his story The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and (More) Jim B tellin his story The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit which are the result of overwhelming fear working on the naturalinstincts. It will also uncover the wrongdoing and faults of the addicted person and will identify thepeople he has hurt by his actions. Experience has shown that, in most cases, nothing but a writteninventory will suffice. The advisor needs to know that the addicted person cannot or will not fullyreveal himself until he is required to reduce his self-examination to writing. Denial is the hallmarkof all addictions and he has been hiding from the truth about himself for years. He has become anexpert dissembler, has well-established rationalizations for his behavior and in many cases hasbeen carefully indoctrinated with the excuses which allow him to refuse to take personalresponsibility for the desperate straits into which he has fallen. This Step will also begin theprocess of God-reliance without which the addicted person is helpless. While working the Fourth Step, the addicted person will take several "leaps of faith" whichwill demonstrate the power and trust-worthiness of God when He is called upon. When theaddicted person worked his Third Step, he made a decision to turn his life and will over to thepower of God, but this Step will have no permanent effect unless he immediately takes the actionnecessary to find and be rid of the things in himself which are blocking him off from God. He mustnow put his decision into action and that action begins with the Fourth Step. By working the FourthStep, he will be enabled to identify all of the blocks, all of the insanity, all of the sin, all of the guilt,remorse and shame, and all of the twists of character which have kept him in a state of spiritualbankruptcy. For the first time in his life he will have become entirely honest with himself about allof those things he has carefully hidden from the world, even from his closest and most trustedfriends, relatives and advisors. The Fourth Step has several immediate positive results for the addicted person if he followsthe directions contained in this work. First, he will be relieved of his resentments. Second, he willbegin to lose his fears. Third, he will have an ideal for his future relationship life. Fourth, he willhave a list of all the people he has harmed by his conduct. Fifth, he will have a list of all of hisdefects of character (sins and mental twists) which block him from his God. The defects of character which the Fourth Step addresses are resentment (anger),selfishness, dishonesty and fear. Included in these defects are pride, coveting, jealousy, sloth,egoism, and procrastination. The addicted person will become aware, as he writes his inventory,of all of these problem areas. The problem of resentment and anger is addressed in the first partof the inventory and the problems of dishonesty, selfishness and fear are disclosed in the followingthree parts. In order to accomplish all of this, the addicted person will first inventory hisresentments and then use the spiritual remedy to be set free of them. He will then inventory hisown faults (sins) and look at the people he has harmed. Next, he will list his fears and begin to beset free from those fears. Finally, he will inventory his relationships of a sexual nature, lookingespecially at his selfishness and dishonesty. He will identify the people he has harmed in thoserelationships and will craft an ideal for his future relationship life, paying special attention to hisselfish conduct and selfish motives.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) It is well said that resentments are killers. They dominate our lives, block us from the graceof God, make our lives miserable, lead to thoughts and actions of revenge and consume ourthoughts. If he is to live, the addicted person must be freed from his resentments. The advisormust understand that the addicted person cannot free himself; he has to have God's help! Sincemost resentments are not overt, but, in fact, are lurking somewhere in the subconscious, they haveto be dug out. The addicted person is likely to be in full denial of many of the worst resentments.He may blame himself for the harm that was done to him. He may have pushed the resentmentsdeep inside because they are too painful to think about. Resentments of parents and closerelatives upon whom he depended as a child may be especially difficult to admit or even recognize.The idea of assigning blame or harmful conduct to those whom society has told him he must honorand tolerate may be anathema. He will feel threatened by being asked to catalogue their wrongs.Nevertheless, a full and complete exposition of the wrongs done him is essential to the applicationof a spiritual remedy; to the invoking of God's help to be freed of his anger and resentment. It isalso necessary to give the addicted person a tool to use which will aid him in identifying the peoplewho have wronged him and to make it easy to write about their actions. In addition, there are anumber of words which need to be defined in order to understand the directions for taking a FourthStep inventory. The advisor will want to start the addicted person off with helpful but non-threatening workto do and will want to start him writing without running headlong into his fears and objections.Therefore, the first task is: 1. Look up and write down the dictionary definitions of certain key words. Once this isdone, the advisor will go over the definitions with the person and point out how these words areused in the Fourth Step and how he will apply them in writing his inventory. These words are: • "Inventory" • "Resentment" • "Anger" • "Fear" • "Self-esteem" • "Relationships" (includes both personal and sex relations) • "Security" • "Ambitions" • "Wrongs" • "Domination"The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont.Next, the addicted person should be instructed to: 2. Make a list of all of the important or significant people in his life: • Family • Lovers • Teachers • Employers • Spouses • Children • Judges • Work-mates • Bosses • In-laws • And all who touched his life in any significant way This list is important because it sends the person back through his life and jogs his memory and because included in this list will be his major resentments. This way, he will not miss anyone he should include. When the significant person's list is completed,the advisor will then: 3. Give the addicted person a list of questions which must be asked about each personon his list. The answers to these questions will identify the people who must be included in theresentment list. The answers will also indicate what the addicted person must write about withrespect to the actions of the people he resents. These questions are: • Did this person harm me in any way? • Did this person threaten me in any way? • Did this person wrong me in any way? • Did this person make me angry at any time? • Was this person unfair to me in any way? If the answer is "yes" to any one or more of these question, then that person must be included in the resentment list. To write the list, it is only necessary to: 4. Write down the name of the person andDescribe in detail what that person did which: • Wronged • Harmed • Angered • Threatened and/or • Was unfair to him.The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont. This is done without reference to any wrongs the addicted person may have done to thaperson. It is vital that the wrongs of others stand out in clear detail without amelioration or excuseof any kind. Once the wrongs of others are detailed, the person must then: 6. Write down which of his natural instincts for: • Sex • Security or • Society Were harmed or threatened by the wrongful conduct. He must also be aware and writedown that the wrongs of others were always accompanied by fear; that every resentment is aproduct of fear. We are never angry unless we are threatened in some way. Thus, fear is theprimary trigger for anger and resentment! When the resentment list is completed: 7. The addicted person and the advisor must review it thoroughly. 8. The advisor should point out how destructive and dangerous these resentments are to him and how powerless he is over them. He should know that anger is a deadly poison to him and that since the anger is triggered byfear, he should be able to see that freedom from fear is the ultimate answer to the recurrence ofresentments. In the final analysis, freedom from fear is the product of an abiding faith. At thispoint: 9. The advisor should instruct the addicted person in the spiritual remedy forresentments: • First, it is important to know that the people who harmed him are very probably spiritually sick and that he should view them as sick people. • Second, he must understand that in order to be freed from his resentments, he must be willing to forgive the wrongs that were done him. If he is not willing to forgive, he should pray for the willingness until it comes. He clearlyknows the wrongs he is forgiving, because he has fully and honestly inventoried them withoutdilution of any kind. Therefore, his forgiveness will be fully effective. • Third, he must now pray for each of the people on his list, asking God to give them everything he would want for himself and asking that his anger be removed and that God show him how to be helpful to each of them. When these things are done, his resentments will disappear; he will be freed of this mostdamaging mental aberration.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) This second part of the inventory is designed to uncover the addicted person's defects ofcharacter: • Selfishness • Dishonesty • FearAnd to clearly define his wrongs. He will see how his: • Attitudes • Motives and • Actionshave caused serious harm to other people. He will begin to compile his Eighth Step amends list ofpeople he has harmed. This inventory is not designed or intended to indict or condemn the person,but, rather, to demonstrate to him how his actions have been the cause of his failures in life; howhe must accept responsibility for the results. He is the author of his own misery! God did not do it!The choices he has made, the wrongs he has deliberately committed, his defiance of God's lawsand the violations of his own sense of right and wrong have been the operative causes of hisspiritual bankruptcy. He will see how he has violated the basic rights of other people and how theyretaliated. He will come to understand clearly that, but for his own actions, motivations andattitudes, his life would have been entirely different. He is not the victim. He is the progenitor ofhis own difficulties. The advisor will take a kindly and tolerant view of these deficiencies, sinceharsh criticism or judgments will be entirely counter-productive at this point. To work this second part, the addicted person must answer certain specific questionsconcerning his actions, motivations and attitudes as those relate to his relations with the people onhis resentments list. To accomplish this, he will refer to the list again and put out of his mind thewrongs that the people on the list have done him. He will then look honestly and thoroughly at his own wrongs without reference to what wasdone to him. As to each person on his resentments list, he must: 10. Answer five specific questions. • Where was I dishonest with this person? • Where was I selfish with this person? • Where was I self-centered with this person? • Where did I act with fright? • Did I harm this person in any way by my actions?The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) cont. 11. These questions must be answered with a narrative description of his • actions • motivations and • attitudes. He will, therefore, clearly delineate the defects of dishonesty, selfishness and fearfulresponse. He will begin to see how destructive these defects are to him personally and to thosewith whom he has contact. He will continue to answer these questions with respect to everyone onhis resentment list. When this part of the inventory is complete: 1 12. The advisor should review it with the addicted person, pointing out the defects (dishonesty, selfishness & fear) and the way these have ruined his life and blocked him from God. One important aspect of the advisor's work is the continuous monitoring of the inventory inprogress. First, this permits the advisor to correct mistakes or omissions as the work progresses.Second, the advisor gains much insight into the problems to be faced. Third, the addicted personbecomes used to discussing his darker side with his advisor which will make the coming Fifth Stepfar more productive.THE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory This Third part of the inventory is crucial. This is a tool or technique which will be used bythe addicted person for the rest of his life. The fears which will be the subject of this part are notthe fears arising from the immediate threat of physical harm. The `fight or flight" syndrome is notwhat is addressed here. The fears which have destroyed the addicted person's natural instinctsand bid fair to destroy his life are the fears of future harm, loss, embarrassment, rejection ordeprivation. These fears are occasioned by his perception of a threat rather than by theimminence of physical harm. These fears are, therefore, products of his mind. They have noreality since they deal with something in the future which might or might not happen. Because theyare products of his mind, he has no power over them. He cannot be free of them himself. There isno human solution to these fears and he must have God's help to be free of them. Fear has warped and perverted the addicted person's natural instincts for sex, security andsociety so that they no longer function as God intended them. Fear has literally made him insane;that is, his mind no longer functions normally. Fear has blocked him from God and is the chiefculprit in his spiritual bankruptcy. Fear triggers violent or irrational actions. It leads to dishonestyand anger and is the principal cause of selfishness and self-centered actions. Since the spirituallybankrupt person has little or no faith, fear has him in a strangle hold. This is true no matter whatthe religious convictions of the person may be. So it is clear that the ultimate answer to fear is thegrowth of an abiding faith, but this will not occur for most people until their fears are reduced orThe Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory) cont.removed. Since only God can remove the fear, by its very removal the addicted person will find hisfaith begin to grow; he will come to believe that he can in fact trust God! It is therefore imperativethat he turn to God for the solution to his fears. Here, the advisor will be of enormous value, sincehe will urge and help the person to turn to God in prayer for relief from fear. This Step requiresthat the addicted person first: 13. recognize and write down his fears and 14. what has caused them before he appeals to God for help. There is great spiritual value in going to God after havingbecome completely honest about the problem and defining it clearly. The willingness and effort tobe searchingly honest with himself opens the door to spiritual relief for a spiritual problem. Hemust, therefore, make a list of his fears and the cause of those fears. The advisor should suggesta list of fears which are common among all people and instruct the addicted person to carefullyconsider if any of them apply to him. He should also be instructed to add to the list any other fearsand the cause of those fears. The most common fears are ten in number. • Losing what he has • Of not getting what he wants or needs • Rejection • Economic insecurity • Fear of failure • Fear of death • Seventh, fear of God's punishment • Fear of drinking or drugging • Fear of being found out for what he really is • Fear of the consequences of his previous actions Once this list is complete, the advisor must have the addicted person: 15. Admit and thoroughly discuss all of these fears and then 16. Instruct him to turn to God for the solution. A suggested prayer to be used for this purpose is as follows: "God, these are my fears. (He should tell all his fears to God) I am powerless over thesefears. I cannot get rid of them myself. I need Your help. God, please remove these fears from meand show me what You would have me be." When he has inventoried his fears and admitted them to his advisor and asked God forhelp, his fears will immediately begin to fall away from him. This process can be reduced to aformula: Fears, recognized and written down, admitted to another, and turned over to God equalNO FEAR! The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsSEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) This part of the inventory addresses itself to the primary defects of dishonesty andselfishness and to the wrongs that the addicted person has done to those with whom he has hadsuch a relationship. This, again, is a vital part of the inventory for it considers one of the mostdifficult areas in any human life; the management of the sex instinct. This instinct is so powerful inmost people that they may literally be ruled by it. Certainly, experience shows that even thosewhose behavior continues to be moral and in accordance with God's commandments will havesuffered significantly from the power of this instinct. That it is good and God-given cannot bedenied. That the continuance of the human race depends upon it is clear. Nevertheless, themisuse of this instinct causes havoc with humans and the addicted person is no exception. Themost pertinent question is whether the use of the sex powers is selfish or not. Of almost equalimportance is whether the power was used dishonestly. Then there are the moral questions ofbroken commitments, violations of God's laws, great harm done to others, infidelity, adultery,promiscuity, and incest. Some or most of these elements will be present in every addictedperson's past life. In addition, the wrongful acts of the addicted person will have created greatguilt, remorse and shame. The advisor will find that he is firmly blocked off from God as a resultAnd must understand that only a spiritual solution will solve this problem. The sex inventory istaken by first: 17. Listing all of the people with whom the addicted person has had sexual relations during his lifetime. Brief encounters may be lumped together since they will tend to have the samecharacteristics, but all longer lasting relationships must be listed by the name or by otheridentifying notations. Once this is done, 18. The person must answer five questions about each person or group of persons on the list: • Was I dishonest? • Was I selfish? • Did I arouse suspicion • Did I arouse jealousy • Did I arouse bitterness? • Did I cause harm? • What should I have done instead? The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors SEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) cont. When these questions have been answered: 19. The advisor should review the answers and discuss them thoroughly with the addicted person. Of primary importance are the evidences of: • Selfishness and • Dishonesty and • The nature of the harm done others. It is wise to refrain from expressions of moral outrage at this point, leaving the judgment toGod. The addicted person is then instructed to: 20. Write out an ideal for how he believes he should conduct himself in his future sex relationships. 21. He must pray, asking God to inspire him and to guide him in this endeavor. It is obvious that certain things in his past conduct must be changed radically; selfishnessand dishonesty must not be any part of his future relationships. In addition, he must never againdoing anything deliberately to harm another person. Of prime importance is that he try to reflectGod's love, patience and understanding and to live his life in accordance with God's will andcommandments. Whatever his ideal turns out to be, he must ask God for the power to live up tothat ideal and he should keep this written ideal with him and refer to it constantly. He must beWilling to turn to God in all of his relationships, seeking God's will in each case. He must surrenderhis sex instincts to the will of God without reservation. This is very difficult to do and the supportand encouragement of the spiritual advisor is essential. A sane and moral future sex life will be theresult. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsCONCLUDING THE INVENTORY Two things remain to be accomplished to conclude the Fourth Step inventory. The firstthing is to: 22. Prepare a list of all the people the addicted person has harmed by his conduct as revealed by his inventory. This list of people is the list which will be used in the Eighth Step and to whom amends mustbe made in the Ninth Step. Repentance requires the action of setting matters right in order to beeffective. It is only through making amends that he will be set free from the guilt, remorse andshame which block him from God. The last thing to be done is a : 23. List of the addicted person's character defects. This is the list which will be used as the basis of the Fifth Ste# which follows immediately.This list should include resentments, dishonesty, selfishness and fear and may include such otherobjectionable traits as pride, ego, procrastination, sloth, bad temper, coveting, jealousy,intemperance, immorality, sinful behavior, defiance, rebellion and criminal behavior. Once havingcompleted this list, the addicted person has completed his Fourth Step and is ready to take hisFifth Step.AN ADDENDUM TO THE TWELVE STEP GUIDE FOR SPIRITUAL ADVISORS AND SPONSORSBY Jim B. (Less)
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20, 10:06, 2008-04-22 09:22:46 Description: Wally P does the AA classes as done in the 40s The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual Advisors INTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists and (More) Wally P does the AA classes as done in the 40s The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual Advisors INTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists and perversions of the mind and spirit which are the result of overwhelming fear working on the natural instincts. It will also uncover the wrongdoing and faults of the addicted person and will identify the people he has hurt by his actions. Experience has shown that, in most cases, nothing but a written inventory will suffice. The advisor needs to know that the addicted person cannot or will not fully reveal himself until he is required to reduce his self-examination to writing. Denial is the hallmark of all addictions and he has been hiding from the truth about himself for years. He has become anexpert dissembler, has well-established rationalizations for his behavior and in many cases has been carefully indoctrinated with the excuses which allow him to refuse to take personal responsibility for the desperate straits into which he has fallen. This Step will also begin the process of God-reliance without which the addicted person is helpless. While working the Fourth Step, the addicted person will take several "leaps of faith" which will demonstrate the power and trust-worthiness of God when He is called upon. When the addicted person worked his Third Step, he made a decision to turn his life and will over to the power of God, but this Step will have no permanent effect unless he immediately takes the action necessary to find and be rid of the things in himself which are blocking him off from God. He must now put his decision into action and that action begins with the Fourth Step. By working the Fourth Step, he will be enabled to identify all of the blocks, all of the insanity, all of the sin, all of the guilt,remorse and shame, and all of the twists of character which have kept him in a state of spiritual bankruptcy. For the first time in his life he will have become entirely honest with himself about allof those things he has carefully hidden from the world, even from his closest and most trusted friends, relatives and advisors. The Fourth Step has several immediate positive results for the addicted person if he follows the directions contained in this work. First, he will be relieved of his resentments. Second, he will begin to lose his fears. Third, he will have an ideal for his future relationship life. Fourth, he will have a list of all the people he has harmed by his conduct. Fifth, he will have a list of all of his defects of character (sins and mental twists) which block him from his God. The defects of character which the Fourth Step addresses are resentment (anger),selfishness, dishonesty and fear. Included in these defects are pride, coveting, jealousy, sloth,egoism, and procrastination. The addicted person will become aware, as he writes his inventory,of all of these problem areas. The problem of resentment and anger is addressed in the first partof the inventory and the problems of dishonesty, selfishness and fear are disclosed in the following three parts. In order to accomplish all of this, the addicted person will first inventory his resentments and then use the spiritual remedy to be set free of them. He will then inventory his own faults (sins) and look at the people he has harmed. Next, he will list his fears and begin to beset free from those fears. Finally, he will inventory his relationships of a sexual nature, looking especially at his selfishness and dishonesty. He will identify the people he has harmed in those relationships and will craft an ideal for his future relationship life, paying special attention to his selfish conduct and selfish motives.The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) It is well said that resentments are killers. They dominate our lives, block us from the graceof God, make our lives miserable, lead to thoughts and actions of revenge and consume our thoughts. If he is to live, the addicted person must be freed from his resentments. The advisor must understand that the addicted person cannot free himself; he has to have God's help! Since most resentments are not overt, but, in fact, are lurking somewhere in the subconscious, they haveto be dug out. The addicted person is likely to be in full denial of many of the worst resentments.He may blame himself for the harm that was done to him. He may have pushed the resentments deep inside because they are too painful to think about. Resentments of parents and close relatives upon whom he depended as a child may be especially difficult to admit or even recognize.The idea of assigning blame or harmful conduct to those whom society has told him he must honor and tolerate may be anathema. He will feel threatened by being asked to catalogue their wrongs.Nevertheless, a full and complete exposition of the wrongs done him is essential to the application of a spiritual remedy; to the invoking of God's help to be freed of his anger and resentment. It isalso necessary to give the addicted person a tool to use which will aid him in identifying the peoplewho have wronged him and to make it easy to write about their actions. In addition, there are anumber of words which need to be defined in order to understand the directions for taking a FourthStep inventory. The advisor will want to start the addicted person off with helpful but non-threatening workto do and will want to start him writing without running headlong into his fears and objections.Therefore, the first task is: 1. Look up and write down the dictionary definitions of certain key words. Once this isdone, the advisor will go over the definitions with the person and point out how these words areused in the Fourth Step and how he will apply them in writing his inventory. These words are: • "Inventory" • "Resentment" • "Anger" • "Fear" • "Self-esteem" • "Relationships" (includes both personal and sex relations) • "Security" • "Ambitions" • "Wrongs" • "Domination"The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont.Next, the addicted person should be instructed to: 2. Make a list of all of the important or significant people in his life: • Family • Lovers • Teachers • Employers • Spouses • Children • Judges • Work-mates • Bosses • In-laws • And all who touched his life in any significant way This list is important because it sends the person back through his life and jogs his memory and because included in this list will be his major resentments. This way, he will not miss anyone he should include. When the significant person's list is completed,the advisor will then: 3. Give the addicted person a list of questions which must be asked about each personon his list. The answers to these questions will identify the people who must be included in theresentment list. The answers will also indicate what the addicted person must write about withrespect to the actions of the people he resents. These questions are: • Did this person harm me in any way? • Did this person threaten me in any way? • Did this person wrong me in any way? • Did this person make me angry at any time? • Was this person unfair to me in any way? If the answer is "yes" to any one or more of these question, then that person must be included in the resentment list. To write the list, it is only necessary to: 4. Write down the name of the person andDescribe in detail what that person did which: • Wronged • Harmed • Angered • Threatened and/or • Was unfair to him.The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont. This is done without reference to any wrongs the addicted person may have done to thaperson. It is vital that the wrongs of others stand out in clear detail without amelioration or excuseof any kind. Once the wrongs of others are detailed, the person must then: 6. Write down which of his natural instincts for: • Sex • Security or • Society Were harmed or threatened by the wrongful conduct. He must also be aware and writedown that the wrongs of others were always accompanied by fear; that every resentment is aproduct of fear. We are never angry unless we are threatened in some way. Thus, fear is theprimary trigger for anger and resentment! When the resentment list is completed: 7. The addicted person and the advisor must review it thoroughly. 8. The advisor should point out how destructive and dangerous these resentments are to him and how powerless he is over them. He should know that anger is a deadly poison to him and that since the anger is triggered byfear, he should be able to see that freedom from fear is the ultimate answer to the recurrence ofresentments. In the final analysis, freedom from fear is the product of an abiding faith. At thispoint: 9. The advisor should instruct the addicted person in the spiritual remedy forresentments: • First, it is important to know that the people who harmed him are very probably spiritually sick and that he should view them as sick people. • Second, he must understand that in order to be freed from his resentments, he must be willing to forgive the wrongs that were done him. If he is not willing to forgive, he should pray for the willingness until it comes. He clearlyknows the wrongs he is forgiving, because he has fully and honestly inventoried them withoutdilution of any kind. Therefore, his forgiveness will be fully effective. • Third, he must now pray for each of the people on his list, asking God to give them everything he would want for himself and asking that his anger be removed and that God show him how to be helpful to each of them. When these things are done, his resentments will disappear; he will be freed of this mostdamaging mental aberration.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) This second part of the inventory is designed to uncover the addicted person's defects ofcharacter: • Selfishness • Dishonesty • FearAnd to clearly define his wrongs. He will see how his: • Attitudes • Motives and • Actionshave caused serious harm to other people. He will begin to compile his Eighth Step amends list ofpeople he has harmed. This inventory is not designed or intended to indict or condemn the person,but, rather, to demonstrate to him how his actions have been the cause of his failures in life; howhe must accept responsibility for the results. He is the author of his own misery! God did not do it!The choices he has made, the wrongs he has deliberately committed, his defiance of God's lawsand the violations of his own sense of right and wrong have been the operative causes of hisspiritual bankruptcy. He will see how he has violated the basic rights of other people and how theyretaliated. He will come to understand clearly that, but for his own actions, motivations andattitudes, his life would have been entirely different. He is not the victim. He is the progenitor ofhis own difficulties. The advisor will take a kindly and tolerant view of these deficiencies, sinceharsh criticism or judgments will be entirely counter-productive at this point. To work this second part, the addicted person must answer certain specific questionsconcerning his actions, motivations and attitudes as those relate to his relations with the people onhis resentments list. To accomplish this, he will refer to the list again and put out of his mind thewrongs that the people on the list have done him. He will then look honestly and thoroughly at his own wrongs without reference to what wasdone to him. As to each person on his resentments list, he must: 10. Answer five specific questions. • Where was I dishonest with this person? • Where was I selfish with this person? • Where was I self-centered with this person? • Where did I act with fright? • Did I harm this person in any way by my actions?The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) cont. 11. These questions must be answered with a narrative description of his • actions • motivations and • attitudes. He will, therefore, clearly delineate the defects of dishonesty, selfishness and fearfulresponse. He will begin to see how destructive these defects are to him personally and to thosewith whom he has contact. He will continue to answer these questions with respect to everyone onhis resentment list. When this part of the inventory is complete: 1 12. The advisor should review it with the addicted person, pointing out the defects (dishonesty, selfishness & fear) and the way these have ruined his life and blocked him from God. One important aspect of the advisor's work is the continuous monitoring of the inventory inprogress. First, this permits the advisor to correct mistakes or omissions as the work progresses.Second, the advisor gains much insight into the problems to be faced. Third, the addicted personbecomes used to discussing his darker side with his advisor which will make the coming Fifth Stepfar more productive.THE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory This Third part of the inventory is crucial. This is a tool or technique which will be used bythe addicted person for the rest of his life. The fears which will be the subject of this part are notthe fears arising from the immediate threat of physical harm. The `fight or flight" syndrome is notwhat is addressed here. The fears which have destroyed the addicted person's natural instinctsand bid fair to destroy his life are the fears of future harm, loss, embarrassment, rejection ordeprivation. These fears are occasioned by his perception of a threat rather than by theimminence of physical harm. These fears are, therefore, products of his mind. They have noreality since they deal with something in the future which might or might not happen. Because theyare products of his mind, he has no power over them. He cannot be free of them himself. There isno human solution to these fears and he must have God's help to be free of them. Fear has warped and perverted the addicted person's natural instincts for sex, security andsociety so that they no longer function as God intended them. Fear has literally made him insane;that is, his mind no longer functions normally. Fear has blocked him from God and is the chiefculprit in his spiritual bankruptcy. Fear triggers violent or irrational actions. It leads to dishonestyand anger and is the principal cause of selfishness and self-centered actions. Since the spirituallybankrupt person has little or no faith, fear has him in a strangle hold. This is true no matter whatthe religious convictions of the person may be. So it is clear that the ultimate answer to fear is thegrowth of an abiding faith, but this will not occur for most people until their fears are reduced orThe Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory) cont.removed. Since only God can remove the fear, by its very removal the addicted person will find hisfaith begin to grow; he will come to believe that he can in fact trust God! It is therefore imperativethat he turn to God for the solution to his fears. Here, the advisor will be of enormous value, sincehe will urge and help the person to turn to God in prayer for relief from fear. This Step requiresthat the addicted person first: 13. recognize and write down his fears and 14. what has caused them before he appeals to God for help. There is great spiritual value in going to God after havingbecome completely honest about the problem and defining it clearly. The willingness and effort tobe searchingly honest with himself opens the door to spiritual relief for a spiritual problem. Hemust, therefore, make a list of his fears and the cause of those fears. The advisor should suggesta list of fears which are common among all people and instruct the addicted person to carefullyconsider if any of them apply to him. He should also be instructed to add to the list any other fearsand the cause of those fears. The most common fears are ten in number. • Losing what he has • Of not getting what he wants or needs • Rejection • Economic insecurity • Fear of failure • Fear of death • Seventh, fear of God's punishment • Fear of drinking or drugging • Fear of being found out for what he really is • Fear of the consequences of his previous actions Once this list is complete, the advisor must have the addicted person: 15. Admit and thoroughly discuss all of these fears and then 16. Instruct him to turn to God for the solution. A suggested prayer to be used for this purpose is as follows: "God, these are my fears. (He should tell all his fears to God) I am powerless over thesefears. I cannot get rid of them myself. I need Your help. God, please remove these fears from meand show me what You would have me be." When he has inventoried his fears and admitted them to his advisor and asked God forhelp, his fears will immediately begin to fall away from him. This process can be reduced to aformula: Fears, recognized and written down, admitted to another, and turned over to God equalNO FEAR! The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsSEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) This part of the inventory addresses itself to the primary defects of dishonesty andselfishness and to the wrongs that the addicted person has done to those with whom he has hadsuch a relationship. This, again, is a vital part of the inventory for it considers one of the mostdifficult areas in any human life; the management of the sex instinct. This instinct is so powerful inmost people that they may literally be ruled by it. Certainly, experience shows that even thosewhose behavior continues to be moral and in accordance with God's commandments will havesuffered significantly from the power of this instinct. That it is good and God-given cannot bedenied. That the continuance of the human race depends upon it is clear. Nevertheless, themisuse of this instinct causes havoc with humans and the addicted person is no exception. Themost pertinent question is whether the use of the sex powers is selfish or not. Of almost equalimportance is whether the power was used dishonestly. Then there are the moral questions ofbroken commitments, violations of God's laws, great harm done to others, infidelity, adultery,promiscuity, and incest. Some or most of these elements will be present in every addictedperson's past life. In addition, the wrongful acts of the addicted person will have created greatguilt, remorse and shame. The advisor will find that he is firmly blocked off from God as a resultAnd must understand that only a spiritual solution will solve this problem. The sex inventory istaken by first: 17. Listing all of the people with whom the addicted person has had sexual relations during his lifetime. Brief encounters may be lumped together since they will tend to have the samecharacteristics, but all longer lasting relationships must be listed by the name or by otheridentifying notations. Once this is done, 18. The person must answer five questions about each person or group of persons on the list: • Was I dishonest? • Was I selfish? • Did I arouse suspicion • Did I arouse jealousy • Did I arouse bitterness? • Did I cause harm? • What should I have done instead? The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors SEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) cont. When these questions have been answered: 19. The advisor should review the answers and discuss them thoroughly with the addicted person. Of primary importance are the evidences of: • Selfishness and • Dishonesty and • The nature of the harm done others. It is wise to refrain from expressions of moral outrage at this point, leaving the judgment toGod. The addicted person is then instructed to: 20. Write out an ideal for how he believes he should conduct himself in his future sex relationships. 21. He must pray, asking God to inspire him and to guide him in this endeavor. It is obvious that certain things in his past conduct must be changed radically; selfishnessand dishonesty must not be any part of his future relationships. In addition, he must never againdoing anything deliberately to harm another person. Of prime importance is that he try to reflectGod's love, patience and understanding and to live his life in accordance with God's will andcommandments. Whatever his ideal turns out to be, he must ask God for the power to live up tothat ideal and he should keep this written ideal with him and refer to it constantly. He must beWilling to turn to God in all of his relationships, seeking God's will in each case. He must surrenderhis sex instincts to the will of God without reservation. This is very difficult to do and the supportand encouragement of the spiritual advisor is essential. A sane and moral future sex life will be theresult. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsCONCLUDING THE INVENTORY Two things remain to be accomplished to conclude the Fourth Step inventory. The firstthing is to: 22. Prepare a list of all the people the addicted person has harmed by his conduct as revealed by his inventory. This list of people is the list which will be used in the Eighth Step and to whom amends mustbe made in the Ninth Step. Repentance requires the action of setting matters right in order to beeffective. It is only through making amends that he will be set free from the guilt, remorse andshame which block him from God. The last thing to be done is a : 23. List of the addicted person's character defects. This is the list which will be used as the basis of the Fifth Ste# which follows immediately.This list should include resentments, dishonesty, selfishness and fear and may include such otherobjectionable traits as pride, ego, procrastination, sloth, bad temper, coveting, jealousy,intemperance, immorality, sinful behavior, defiance, rebellion and criminal behavior. Once having completed this list, the addicted person has completed his Fourth Step and is ready to take his Fifth Step.AN ADDENDUM TO THE TWELVE STEP GUIDE FOR SPIRITUAL ADVISORS AND SPONSORSBY Jim B. (Less)
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16, 10:29, 2008-04-22 09:22:46 Description: The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit which are the result (More) The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit which are the result of overwhelming fear working on the naturalinstincts. It will also uncover the wrongdoing and faults of the addicted person and will identify thepeople he has hurt by his actions. Experience has shown that, in most cases, nothing but a writteninventory will suffice. The advisor needs to know that the addicted person cannot or will not fullyreveal himself until he is required to reduce his self-examination to writing. Denial is the hallmarkof all addictions and he has been hiding from the truth about himself for years. He has become anexpert dissembler, has well-established rationalizations for his behavior and in many cases hasbeen carefully indoctrinated with the excuses which allow him to refuse to take personalresponsibility for the desperate straits into which he has fallen. This Step will also begin theprocess of God-reliance without which the addicted person is helpless. While working the Fourth Step, the addicted person will take several "leaps of faith" whichwill demonstrate the power and trust-worthiness of God when He is called upon. When theaddicted person worked his Third Step, he made a decision to turn his life and will over to thepower of God, but this Step will have no permanent effect unless he immediately takes the actionnecessary to find and be rid of the things in himself which are blocking him off from God. He mustnow put his decision into action and that action begins with the Fourth Step. By working the FourthStep, he will be enabled to identify all of the blocks, all of the insanity, all of the sin, all of the guilt,remorse and shame, and all of the twists of character which have kept him in a state of spiritualbankruptcy. For the first time in his life he will have become entirely honest with himself about allof those things he has carefully hidden from the world, even from his closest and most trustedfriends, relatives and advisors. The Fourth Step has several immediate positive results for the addicted person if he followsthe directions contained in this work. First, he will be relieved of his resentments. Second, he willbegin to lose his fears. Third, he will have an ideal for his future relationship life. Fourth, he willhave a list of all the people he has harmed by his conduct. Fifth, he will have a list of all of hisdefects of character (sins and mental twists) which block him from his God. The defects of character which the Fourth Step addresses are resentment (anger),selfishness, dishonesty and fear. Included in these defects are pride, coveting, jealousy, sloth,egoism, and procrastination. The addicted person will become aware, as he writes his inventory,of all of these problem areas. The problem of resentment and anger is addressed in the first partof the inventory and the problems of dishonesty, selfishness and fear are disclosed in the followingthree parts. In order to accomplish all of this, the addicted person will first inventory hisresentments and then use the spiritual remedy to be set free of them. He will then inventory hisown faults (sins) and look at the people he has harmed. Next, he will list his fears and begin to beset free from those fears. Finally, he will inventory his relationships of a sexual nature, lookingespecially at his selfishness and dishonesty. He will identify the people he has harmed in thoserelationships and will craft an ideal for his future relationship life, paying special attention to hisselfish conduct and selfish motives.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) It is well said that resentments are killers. They dominate our lives, block us from the graceof God, make our lives miserable, lead to thoughts and actions of revenge and consume ourthoughts. If he is to live, the addicted person must be freed from his resentments. The advisormust understand that the addicted person cannot free himself; he has to have God's help! Sincemost resentments are not overt, but, in fact, are lurking somewhere in the subconscious, they haveto be dug out. The addicted person is likely to be in full denial of many of the worst resentments.He may blame himself for the harm that was done to him. He may have pushed the resentmentsdeep inside because they are too painful to think about. Resentments of parents and closerelatives upon whom he depended as a child may be especially difficult to admit or even recognize.The idea of assigning blame or harmful conduct to those whom society has told him he must honorand tolerate may be anathema. He will feel threatened by being asked to catalogue their wrongs.Nevertheless, a full and complete exposition of the wrongs done him is essential to the applicationof a spiritual remedy; to the invoking of God's help to be freed of his anger and resentment. It isalso necessary to give the addicted person a tool to use which will aid him in identifying the peoplewho have wronged him and to make it easy to write about their actions. In addition, there are anumber of words which need to be defined in order to understand the directions for taking a FourthStep inventory. The advisor will want to start the addicted person off with helpful but non-threatening workto do and will want to start him writing without running headlong into his fears and objections.Therefore, the first task is: 1. Look up and write down the dictionary definitions of certain key words. Once this isdone, the advisor will go over the definitions with the person and point out how these words areused in the Fourth Step and how he will apply them in writing his inventory. These words are: • "Inventory" • "Resentment" • "Anger" • "Fear" • "Self-esteem" • "Relationships" (includes both personal and sex relations) • "Security" • "Ambitions" • "Wrongs" • "Domination"The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont.Next, the addicted person should be instructed to: 2. Make a list of all of the important or significant people in his life: • Family • Lovers • Teachers • Employers • Spouses • Children • Judges • Work-mates • Bosses • In-laws • And all who touched his life in any significant way This list is important because it sends the person back through his life and jogs his memory and because included in this list will be his major resentments. This way, he will not miss anyone he should include. When the significant person's list is completed,the advisor will then: 3. Give the addicted person a list of questions which must be asked about each personon his list. The answers to these questions will identify the people who must be included in theresentment list. The answers will also indicate what the addicted person must write about withrespect to the actions of the people he resents. These questions are: • Did this person harm me in any way? • Did this person threaten me in any way? • Did this person wrong me in any way? • Did this person make me angry at any time? • Was this person unfair to me in any way? If the answer is "yes" to any one or more of these question, then that person must be included in the resentment list. To write the list, it is only necessary to: 4. Write down the name of the person andDescribe in detail what that person did which: • Wronged • Harmed • Angered • Threatened and/or • Was unfair to him.The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont. This is done without reference to any wrongs the addicted person may have done to thaperson. It is vital that the wrongs of others stand out in clear detail without amelioration or excuseof any kind. Once the wrongs of others are detailed, the person must then: 6. Write down which of his natural instincts for: • Sex • Security or • Society Were harmed or threatened by the wrongful conduct. He must also be aware and writedown that the wrongs of others were always accompanied by fear; that every resentment is aproduct of fear. We are never angry unless we are threatened in some way. Thus, fear is theprimary trigger for anger and resentment! When the resentment list is completed: 7. The addicted person and the advisor must review it thoroughly. 8. The advisor should point out how destructive and dangerous these resentments are to him and how powerless he is over them. He should know that anger is a deadly poison to him and that since the anger is triggered byfear, he should be able to see that freedom from fear is the ultimate answer to the recurrence ofresentments. In the final analysis, freedom from fear is the product of an abiding faith. At thispoint: 9. The advisor should instruct the addicted person in the spiritual remedy forresentments: • First, it is important to know that the people who harmed him are very probably spiritually sick and that he should view them as sick people. • Second, he must understand that in order to be freed from his resentments, he must be willing to forgive the wrongs that were done him. If he is not willing to forgive, he should pray for the willingness until it comes. He clearlyknows the wrongs he is forgiving, because he has fully and honestly inventoried them withoutdilution of any kind. Therefore, his forgiveness will be fully effective. • Third, he must now pray for each of the people on his list, asking God to give them everything he would want for himself and asking that his anger be removed and that God show him how to be helpful to each of them. When these things are done, his resentments will disappear; he will be freed of this mostdamaging mental aberration.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) This second part of the inventory is designed to uncover the addicted person's defects ofcharacter: • Selfishness • Dishonesty • FearAnd to clearly define his wrongs. He will see how his: • Attitudes • Motives and • Actionshave caused serious harm to other people. He will begin to compile his Eighth Step amends list ofpeople he has harmed. This inventory is not designed or intended to indict or condemn the person,but, rather, to demonstrate to him how his actions have been the cause of his failures in life; howhe must accept responsibility for the results. He is the author of his own misery! God did not do it!The choices he has made, the wrongs he has deliberately committed, his defiance of God's lawsand the violations of his own sense of right and wrong have been the operative causes of hisspiritual bankruptcy. He will see how he has violated the basic rights of other people and how theyretaliated. He will come to understand clearly that, but for his own actions, motivations andattitudes, his life would have been entirely different. He is not the victim. He is the progenitor ofhis own difficulties. The advisor will take a kindly and tolerant view of these deficiencies, sinceharsh criticism or judgments will be entirely counter-productive at this point. To work this second part, the addicted person must answer certain specific questionsconcerning his actions, motivations and attitudes as those relate to his relations with the people onhis resentments list. To accomplish this, he will refer to the list again and put out of his mind thewrongs that the people on the list have done him. He will then look honestly and thoroughly at his own wrongs without reference to what wasdone to him. As to each person on his resentments list, he must: 10. Answer five specific questions. • Where was I dishonest with this person? • Where was I selfish with this person? • Where was I self-centered with this person? • Where did I act with fright? • Did I harm this person in any way by my actions?The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) cont. 11. These questions must be answered with a narrative description of his • actions • motivations and • attitudes. He will, therefore, clearly delineate the defects of dishonesty, selfishness and fearfulresponse. He will begin to see how destructive these defects are to him personally and to thosewith whom he has contact. He will continue to answer these questions with respect to everyone onhis resentment list. When this part of the inventory is complete: 1 12. The advisor should review it with the addicted person, pointing out the defects (dishonesty, selfishness & fear) and the way these have ruined his life and blocked him from God. One important aspect of the advisor's work is the continuous monitoring of the inventory inprogress. First, this permits the advisor to correct mistakes or omissions as the work progresses.Second, the advisor gains much insight into the problems to be faced. Third, the addicted personbecomes used to discussing his darker side with his advisor which will make the coming Fifth Stepfar more productive.THE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory This Third part of the inventory is crucial. This is a tool or technique which will be used bythe addicted person for the rest of his life. The fears which will be the subject of this part are notthe fears arising from the immediate threat of physical harm. The `fight or flight" syndrome is notwhat is addressed here. The fears which have destroyed the addicted person's natural instinctsand bid fair to destroy his life are the fears of future harm, loss, embarrassment, rejection ordeprivation. These fears are occasioned by his perception of a threat rather than by theimminence of physical harm. These fears are, therefore, products of his mind. They have noreality since they deal with something in the future which might or might not happen. Because theyare products of his mind, he has no power over them. He cannot be free of them himself. There isno human solution to these fears and he must have God's help to be free of them. Fear has warped and perverted the addicted person's natural instincts for sex, security andsociety so that they no longer function as God intended them. Fear has literally made him insane;that is, his mind no longer functions normally. Fear has blocked him from God and is the chiefculprit in his spiritual bankruptcy. Fear triggers violent or irrational actions. It leads to dishonestyand anger and is the principal cause of selfishness and self-centered actions. Since the spirituallybankrupt person has little or no faith, fear has him in a strangle hold. This is true no matter whatthe religious convictions of the person may be. So it is clear that the ultimate answer to fear is thegrowth of an abiding faith, but this will not occur for most people until their fears are reduced orThe Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory) cont.removed. Since only God can remove the fear, by its very removal the addicted person will find hisfaith begin to grow; he will come to believe that he can in fact trust God! It is therefore imperativethat he turn to God for the solution to his fears. Here, the advisor will be of enormous value, sincehe will urge and help the person to turn to God in prayer for relief from fear. This Step requiresthat the addicted person first: 13. recognize and write down his fears and 14. what has caused them before he appeals to God for help. There is great spiritual value in going to God after havingbecome completely honest about the problem and defining it clearly. The willingness and effort tobe searchingly honest with himself opens the door to spiritual relief for a spiritual problem. Hemust, therefore, make a list of his fears and the cause of those fears. The advisor should suggesta list of fears which are common among all people and instruct the addicted person to carefullyconsider if any of them apply to him. He should also be instructed to add to the list any other fearsand the cause of those fears. The most common fears are ten in number. • Losing what he has • Of not getting what he wants or needs • Rejection • Economic insecurity • Fear of failure • Fear of death • Seventh, fear of God's punishment • Fear of drinking or drugging • Fear of being found out for what he really is • Fear of the consequences of his previous actions Once this list is complete, the advisor must have the addicted person: 15. Admit and thoroughly discuss all of these fears and then 16. Instruct him to turn to God for the solution. A suggested prayer to be used for this purpose is as follows: "God, these are my fears. (He should tell all his fears to God) I am powerless over thesefears. I cannot get rid of them myself. I need Your help. God, please remove these fears from meand show me what You would have me be." When he has inventoried his fears and admitted them to his advisor and asked God forhelp, his fears will immediately begin to fall away from him. This process can be reduced to aformula: Fears, recognized and written down, admitted to another, and turned over to God equalNO FEAR! The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsSEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) This part of the inventory addresses itself to the primary defects of dishonesty andselfishness and to the wrongs that the addicted person has done to those with whom he has hadsuch a relationship. This, again, is a vital part of the inventory for it considers one of the mostdifficult areas in any human life; the management of the sex instinct. This instinct is so powerful inmost people that they may literally be ruled by it. Certainly, experience shows that even thosewhose behavior continues to be moral and in accordance with God's commandments will havesuffered significantly from the power of this instinct. That it is good and God-given cannot bedenied. That the continuance of the human race depends upon it is clear. Nevertheless, themisuse of this instinct causes havoc with humans and the addicted person is no exception. Themost pertinent question is whether the use of the sex powers is selfish or not. Of almost equalimportance is whether the power was used dishonestly. Then there are the moral questions ofbroken commitments, violations of God's laws, great harm done to others, infidelity, adultery,promiscuity, and incest. Some or most of these elements will be present in every addictedperson's past life. In addition, the wrongful acts of the addicted person will have created greatguilt, remorse and shame. The advisor will find that he is firmly blocked off from God as a resultAnd must understand that only a spiritual solution will solve this problem. The sex inventory istaken by first: 17. Listing all of the people with whom the addicted person has had sexual relations during his lifetime. Brief encounters may be lumped together since they will tend to have the samecharacteristics, but all longer lasting relationships must be listed by the name or by otheridentifying notations. Once this is done, 18. The person must answer five questions about each person or group of persons on the list: • Was I dishonest? • Was I selfish? • Did I arouse suspicion • Did I arouse jealousy • Did I arouse bitterness? • Did I cause harm? • What should I have done instead? The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors SEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) cont. When these questions have been answered: 19. The advisor should review the answers and discuss them thoroughly with the addicted person. Of primary importance are the evidences of: • Selfishness and • Dishonesty and • The nature of the harm done others. It is wise to refrain from expressions of moral outrage at this point, leaving the judgment toGod. The addicted person is then instructed to: 20. Write out an ideal for how he believes he should conduct himself in his future sex relationships. 21. He must pray, asking God to inspire him and to guide him in this endeavor. It is obvious that certain things in his past conduct must be changed radically; selfishnessand dishonesty must not be any part of his future relationships. In addition, he must never againdoing anything deliberately to harm another person. Of prime importance is that he try to reflectGod's love, patience and understanding and to live his life in accordance with God's will andcommandments. Whatever his ideal turns out to be, he must ask God for the power to live up tothat ideal and he should keep this written ideal with him and refer to it constantly. He must beWilling to turn to God in all of his relationships, seeking God's will in each case. He must surrenderhis sex instincts to the will of God without reservation. This is very difficult to do and the supportand encouragement of the spiritual advisor is essential. A sane and moral future sex life will be theresult. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsCONCLUDING THE INVENTORY Two things remain to be accomplished to conclude the Fourth Step inventory. The firstthing is to: 22. Prepare a list of all the people the addicted person has harmed by his conduct as revealed by his inventory. This list of people is the list which will be used in the Eighth Step and to whom amends mustbe made in the Ninth Step. Repentance requires the action of setting matters right in order to beeffective. It is only through making amends that he will be set free from the guilt, remorse andshame which block him from God. The last thing to be done is a : 23. List of the addicted person's character defects. This is the list which will be used as the basis of the Fifth Ste# which follows immediately.This list should include resentments, dishonesty, selfishness and fear and may include such otherobjectionable traits as pride, ego, procrastination, sloth, bad temper, coveting, jealousy,intemperance, immorality, sinful behavior, defiance, rebellion and criminal behavior. Once havingcompleted this list, the addicted person has completed his Fourth Step and is ready to take hisFifth Step.AN ADDENDUM TO THE TWELVE STEP GUIDE FOR SPIRITUAL ADVISORS AND SPONSORSBY Jim B. (Less)
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16, 06:22, 2008-04-22 09:22:46 Description: Jim B's story The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit (More) Jim B's story The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit which are the result of overwhelming fear working on the naturalinstincts. It will also uncover the wrongdoing and faults of the addicted person and will identify thepeople he has hurt by his actions. Experience has shown that, in most cases, nothing but a writteninventory will suffice. The advisor needs to know that the addicted person cannot or will not fullyreveal himself until he is required to reduce his self-examination to writing. Denial is the hallmarkof all addictions and he has been hiding from the truth about himself for years. He has become anexpert dissembler, has well-established rationalizations for his behavior and in many cases hasbeen carefully indoctrinated with the excuses which allow him to refuse to take personalresponsibility for the desperate straits into which he has fallen. This Step will also begin theprocess of God-reliance without which the addicted person is helpless. While working the Fourth Step, the addicted person will take several "leaps of faith" whichwill demonstrate the power and trust-worthiness of God when He is called upon. When theaddicted person worked his Third Step, he made a decision to turn his life and will over to thepower of God, but this Step will have no permanent effect unless he immediately takes the actionnecessary to find and be rid of the things in himself which are blocking him off from God. He mustnow put his decision into action and that action begins with the Fourth Step. By working the FourthStep, he will be enabled to identify all of the blocks, all of the insanity, all of the sin, all of the guilt,remorse and shame, and all of the twists of character which have kept him in a state of spiritualbankruptcy. For the first time in his life he will have become entirely honest with himself about allof those things he has carefully hidden from the world, even from his closest and most trustedfriends, relatives and advisors. The Fourth Step has several immediate positive results for the addicted person if he followsthe directions contained in this work. First, he will be relieved of his resentments. Second, he willbegin to lose his fears. Third, he will have an ideal for his future relationship life. Fourth, he willhave a list of all the people he has harmed by his conduct. Fifth, he will have a list of all of hisdefects of character (sins and mental twists) which block him from his God. The defects of character which the Fourth Step addresses are resentment (anger),selfishness, dishonesty and fear. Included in these defects are pride, coveting, jealousy, sloth,egoism, and procrastination. The addicted person will become aware, as he writes his inventory,of all of these problem areas. The problem of resentment and anger is addressed in the first partof the inventory and the problems of dishonesty, selfishness and fear are disclosed in the followingthree parts. In order to accomplish all of this, the addicted person will first inventory hisresentments and then use the spiritual remedy to be set free of them. He will then inventory hisown faults (sins) and look at the people he has harmed. Next, he will list his fears and begin to beset free from those fears. Finally, he will inventory his relationships of a sexual nature, lookingespecially at his selfishness and dishonesty. He will identify the people he has harmed in thoserelationships and will craft an ideal for his future relationship life, paying special attention to hisselfish conduct and selfish motives.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) It is well said that resentments are killers. They dominate our lives, block us from the graceof God, make our lives miserable, lead to thoughts and actions of revenge and consume ourthoughts. If he is to live, the addicted person must be freed from his resentments. The advisormust understand that the addicted person cannot free himself; he has to have God's help! Sincemost resentments are not overt, but, in fact, are lurking somewhere in the subconscious, they haveto be dug out. The addicted person is likely to be in full denial of many of the worst resentments.He may blame himself for the harm that was done to him. He may have pushed the resentmentsdeep inside because they are too painful to think about. Resentments of parents and closerelatives upon whom he depended as a child may be especially difficult to admit or even recognize.The idea of assigning blame or harmful conduct to those whom society has told him he must honorand tolerate may be anathema. He will feel threatened by being asked to catalogue their wrongs.Nevertheless, a full and complete exposition of the wrongs done him is essential to the applicationof a spiritual remedy; to the invoking of God's help to be freed of his anger and resentment. It isalso necessary to give the addicted person a tool to use which will aid him in identifying the peoplewho have wronged him and to make it easy to write about their actions. In addition, there are anumber of words which need to be defined in order to understand the directions for taking a FourthStep inventory. The advisor will want to start the addicted person off with helpful but non-threatening workto do and will want to start him writing without running headlong into his fears and objections.Therefore, the first task is: 1. Look up and write down the dictionary definitions of certain key words. Once this isdone, the advisor will go over the definitions with the person and point out how these words areused in the Fourth Step and how he will apply them in writing his inventory. These words are: • "Inventory" • "Resentment" • "Anger" • "Fear" • "Self-esteem" • "Relationships" (includes both personal and sex relations) • "Security" • "Ambitions" • "Wrongs" • "Domination"The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont.Next, the addicted person should be instructed to: 2. Make a list of all of the important or significant people in his life: • Family • Lovers • Teachers • Employers • Spouses • Children • Judges • Work-mates • Bosses • In-laws • And all who touched his life in any significant way This list is important because it sends the person back through his life and jogs his memory and because included in this list will be his major resentments. This way, he will not miss anyone he should include. When the significant person's list is completed,the advisor will then: 3. Give the addicted person a list of questions which must be asked about each personon his list. The answers to these questions will identify the people who must be included in theresentment list. The answers will also indicate what the addicted person must write about withrespect to the actions of the people he resents. These questions are: • Did this person harm me in any way? • Did this person threaten me in any way? • Did this person wrong me in any way? • Did this person make me angry at any time? • Was this person unfair to me in any way? If the answer is "yes" to any one or more of these question, then that person must be included in the resentment list. To write the list, it is only necessary to: 4. Write down the name of the person andDescribe in detail what that person did which: • Wronged • Harmed • Angered • Threatened and/or • Was unfair to him.The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont. This is done without reference to any wrongs the addicted person may have done to thaperson. It is vital that the wrongs of others stand out in clear detail without amelioration or excuseof any kind. Once the wrongs of others are detailed, the person must then: 6. Write down which of his natural instincts for: • Sex • Security or • Society Were harmed or threatened by the wrongful conduct. He must also be aware and writedown that the wrongs of others were always accompanied by fear; that every resentment is aproduct of fear. We are never angry unless we are threatened in some way. Thus, fear is theprimary trigger for anger and resentment! When the resentment list is completed: 7. The addicted person and the advisor must review it thoroughly. 8. The advisor should point out how destructive and dangerous these resentments are to him and how powerless he is over them. He should know that anger is a deadly poison to him and that since the anger is triggered byfear, he should be able to see that freedom from fear is the ultimate answer to the recurrence ofresentments. In the final analysis, freedom from fear is the product of an abiding faith. At thispoint: 9. The advisor should instruct the addicted person in the spiritual remedy forresentments: • First, it is important to know that the people who harmed him are very probably spiritually sick and that he should view them as sick people. • Second, he must understand that in order to be freed from his resentments, he must be willing to forgive the wrongs that were done him. If he is not willing to forgive, he should pray for the willingness until it comes. He clearlyknows the wrongs he is forgiving, because he has fully and honestly inventoried them withoutdilution of any kind. Therefore, his forgiveness will be fully effective. • Third, he must now pray for each of the people on his list, asking God to give them everything he would want for himself and asking that his anger be removed and that God show him how to be helpful to each of them. When these things are done, his resentments will disappear; he will be freed of this mostdamaging mental aberration.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) This second part of the inventory is designed to uncover the addicted person's defects ofcharacter: • Selfishness • Dishonesty • FearAnd to clearly define his wrongs. He will see how his: • Attitudes • Motives and • Actionshave caused serious harm to other people. He will begin to compile his Eighth Step amends list ofpeople he has harmed. This inventory is not designed or intended to indict or condemn the person,but, rather, to demonstrate to him how his actions have been the cause of his failures in life; howhe must accept responsibility for the results. He is the author of his own misery! God did not do it!The choices he has made, the wrongs he has deliberately committed, his defiance of God's lawsand the violations of his own sense of right and wrong have been the operative causes of hisspiritual bankruptcy. He will see how he has violated the basic rights of other people and how theyretaliated. He will come to understand clearly that, but for his own actions, motivations andattitudes, his life would have been entirely different. He is not the victim. He is the progenitor ofhis own difficulties. The advisor will take a kindly and tolerant view of these deficiencies, sinceharsh criticism or judgments will be entirely counter-productive at this point. To work this second part, the addicted person must answer certain specific questionsconcerning his actions, motivations and attitudes as those relate to his relations with the people onhis resentments list. To accomplish this, he will refer to the list again and put out of his mind thewrongs that the people on the list have done him. He will then look honestly and thoroughly at his own wrongs without reference to what wasdone to him. As to each person on his resentments list, he must: 10. Answer five specific questions. • Where was I dishonest with this person? • Where was I selfish with this person? • Where was I self-centered with this person? • Where did I act with fright? • Did I harm this person in any way by my actions?The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) cont. 11. These questions must be answered with a narrative description of his • actions • motivations and • attitudes. He will, therefore, clearly delineate the defects of dishonesty, selfishness and fearfulresponse. He will begin to see how destructive these defects are to him personally and to thosewith whom he has contact. He will continue to answer these questions with respect to everyone onhis resentment list. When this part of the inventory is complete: 1 12. The advisor should review it with the addicted person, pointing out the defects (dishonesty, selfishness & fear) and the way these have ruined his life and blocked him from God. One important aspect of the advisor's work is the continuous monitoring of the inventory inprogress. First, this permits the advisor to correct mistakes or omissions as the work progresses.Second, the advisor gains much insight into the problems to be faced. Third, the addicted personbecomes used to discussing his darker side with his advisor which will make the coming Fifth Stepfar more productive.THE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory This Third part of the inventory is crucial. This is a tool or technique which will be used bythe addicted person for the rest of his life. The fears which will be the subject of this part are notthe fears arising from the immediate threat of physical harm. The `fight or flight" syndrome is notwhat is addressed here. The fears which have destroyed the addicted person's natural instinctsand bid fair to destroy his life are the fears of future harm, loss, embarrassment, rejection ordeprivation. These fears are occasioned by his perception of a threat rather than by theimminence of physical harm. These fears are, therefore, products of his mind. They have noreality since they deal with something in the future which might or might not happen. Because theyare products of his mind, he has no power over them. He cannot be free of them himself. There isno human solution to these fears and he must have God's help to be free of them. Fear has warped and perverted the addicted person's natural instincts for sex, security andsociety so that they no longer function as God intended them. Fear has literally made him insane;that is, his mind no longer functions normally. Fear has blocked him from God and is the chiefculprit in his spiritual bankruptcy. Fear triggers violent or irrational actions. It leads to dishonestyand anger and is the principal cause of selfishness and self-centered actions. Since the spirituallybankrupt person has little or no faith, fear has him in a strangle hold. This is true no matter whatthe religious convictions of the person may be. So it is clear that the ultimate answer to fear is thegrowth of an abiding faith, but this will not occur for most people until their fears are reduced orThe Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory) cont.removed. Since only God can remove the fear, by its very removal the addicted person will find hisfaith begin to grow; he will come to believe that he can in fact trust God! It is therefore imperativethat he turn to God for the solution to his fears. Here, the advisor will be of enormous value, sincehe will urge and help the person to turn to God in prayer for relief from fear. This Step requiresthat the addicted person first: 13. recognize and write down his fears and 14. what has caused them before he appeals to God for help. There is great spiritual value in going to God after havingbecome completely honest about the problem and defining it clearly. The willingness and effort tobe searchingly honest with himself opens the door to spiritual relief for a spiritual problem. Hemust, therefore, make a list of his fears and the cause of those fears. The advisor should suggesta list of fears which are common among all people and instruct the addicted person to carefullyconsider if any of them apply to him. He should also be instructed to add to the list any other fearsand the cause of those fears. The most common fears are ten in number. • Losing what he has • Of not getting what he wants or needs • Rejection • Economic insecurity • Fear of failure • Fear of death • Seventh, fear of God's punishment • Fear of drinking or drugging • Fear of being found out for what he really is • Fear of the consequences of his previous actions Once this list is complete, the advisor must have the addicted person: 15. Admit and thoroughly discuss all of these fears and then 16. Instruct him to turn to God for the solution. A suggested prayer to be used for this purpose is as follows: "God, these are my fears. (He should tell all his fears to God) I am powerless over thesefears. I cannot get rid of them myself. I need Your help. God, please remove these fears from meand show me what You would have me be." When he has inventoried his fears and admitted them to his advisor and asked God forhelp, his fears will immediately begin to fall away from him. This process can be reduced to aformula: Fears, recognized and written down, admitted to another, and turned over to God equalNO FEAR! The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsSEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) This part of the inventory addresses itself to the primary defects of dishonesty andselfishness and to the wrongs that the addicted person has done to those with whom he has hadsuch a relationship. This, again, is a vital part of the inventory for it considers one of the mostdifficult areas in any human life; the management of the sex instinct. This instinct is so powerful inmost people that they may literally be ruled by it. Certainly, experience shows that even thosewhose behavior continues to be moral and in accordance with God's commandments will havesuffered significantly from the power of this instinct. That it is good and God-given cannot bedenied. That the continuance of the human race depends upon it is clear. Nevertheless, themisuse of this instinct causes havoc with humans and the addicted person is no exception. Themost pertinent question is whether the use of the sex powers is selfish or not. Of almost equalimportance is whether the power was used dishonestly. Then there are the moral questions ofbroken commitments, violations of God's laws, great harm done to others, infidelity, adultery,promiscuity, and incest. Some or most of these elements will be present in every addictedperson's past life. In addition, the wrongful acts of the addicted person will have created greatguilt, remorse and shame. The advisor will find that he is firmly blocked off from God as a resultAnd must understand that only a spiritual solution will solve this problem. The sex inventory istaken by first: 17. Listing all of the people with whom the addicted person has had sexual relations during his lifetime. Brief encounters may be lumped together since they will tend to have the samecharacteristics, but all longer lasting relationships must be listed by the name or by otheridentifying notations. Once this is done, 18. The person must answer five questions about each person or group of persons on the list: • Was I dishonest? • Was I selfish? • Did I arouse suspicion • Did I arouse jealousy • Did I arouse bitterness? • Did I cause harm? • What should I have done instead? The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors SEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) cont. When these questions have been answered: 19. The advisor should review the answers and discuss them thoroughly with the addicted person. Of primary importance are the evidences of: • Selfishness and • Dishonesty and • The nature of the harm done others. It is wise to refrain from expressions of moral outrage at this point, leaving the judgment toGod. The addicted person is then instructed to: 20. Write out an ideal for how he believes he should conduct himself in his future sex relationships. 21. He must pray, asking God to inspire him and to guide him in this endeavor. It is obvious that certain things in his past conduct must be changed radically; selfishnessand dishonesty must not be any part of his future relationships. In addition, he must never againdoing anything deliberately to harm another person. Of prime importance is that he try to reflectGod's love, patience and understanding and to live his life in accordance with God's will andcommandments. Whatever his ideal turns out to be, he must ask God for the power to live up tothat ideal and he should keep this written ideal with him and refer to it constantly. He must beWilling to turn to God in all of his relationships, seeking God's will in each case. He must surrenderhis sex instincts to the will of God without reservation. This is very difficult to do and the supportand encouragement of the spiritual advisor is essential. A sane and moral future sex life will be theresult. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsCONCLUDING THE INVENTORY Two things remain to be accomplished to conclude the Fourth Step inventory. The firstthing is to: 22. Prepare a list of all the people the addicted person has harmed by his conduct as revealed by his inventory. This list of people is the list which will be used in the Eighth Step and to whom amends mustbe made in the Ninth Step. Repentance requires the action of setting matters right in order to beeffective. It is only through making amends that he will be set free from the guilt, remorse andshame which block him from God. The last thing to be done is a : 23. List of the addicted person's character defects. This is the list which will be used as the basis of the Fifth Ste# which follows immediately.This list should include resentments, dishonesty, selfishness and fear and may include such otherobjectionable traits as pride, ego, procrastination, sloth, bad temper, coveting, jealousy,intemperance, immorality, sinful behavior, defiance, rebellion and criminal behavior. Once havingcompleted this list, the addicted person has completed his Fourth Step and is ready to take hisFifth Step.AN ADDENDUM TO THE TWELVE STEP GUIDE FOR SPIRITUAL ADVISORS AND SPONSORSBY Jim B. (Less)
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15, 06:18, 2008-04-22 09:22:46 Description: Jim Talks about his drinking and his 1st sponsors and how they sponsored, he explains how he came to understand the reasoning of the steps. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION (More) Jim Talks about his drinking and his 1st sponsors and how they sponsored, he explains how he came to understand the reasoning of the steps. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit which are the result of overwhelming fear working on the naturalinstincts. It will also uncover the wrongdoing and faults of the addicted person and will identify thepeople he has hurt by his actions. Experience has shown that, in most cases, nothing but a writteninventory will suffice. The advisor needs to know that the addicted person cannot or will not fullyreveal himself until he is required to reduce his self-examination to writing. Denial is the hallmarkof all addictions and he has been hiding from the truth about himself for years. He has become anexpert dissembler, has well-established rationalizations for his behavior and in many cases hasbeen carefully indoctrinated with the excuses which allow him to refuse to take personalresponsibility for the desperate straits into which he has fallen. This Step will also begin theprocess of God-reliance without which the addicted person is helpless. While working the Fourth Step, the addicted person will take several "leaps of faith" whichwill demonstrate the power and trust-worthiness of God when He is called upon. When theaddicted person worked his Third Step, he made a decision to turn his life and will over to thepower of God, but this Step will have no permanent effect unless he immediately takes the actionnecessary to find and be rid of the things in himself which are blocking him off from God. He mustnow put his decision into action and that action begins with the Fourth Step. By working the FourthStep, he will be enabled to identify all of the blocks, all of the insanity, all of the sin, all of the guilt,remorse and shame, and all of the twists of character which have kept him in a state of spiritualbankruptcy. For the first time in his life he will have become entirely honest with himself about allof those things he has carefully hidden from the world, even from his closest and most trustedfriends, relatives and advisors. The Fourth Step has several immediate positive results for the addicted person if he followsthe directions contained in this work. First, he will be relieved of his resentments. Second, he willbegin to lose his fears. Third, he will have an ideal for his future relationship life. Fourth, he willhave a list of all the people he has harmed by his conduct. Fifth, he will have a list of all of hisdefects of character (sins and mental twists) which block him from his God. The defects of character which the Fourth Step addresses are resentment (anger),selfishness, dishonesty and fear. Included in these defects are pride, coveting, jealousy, sloth,egoism, and procrastination. The addicted person will become aware, as he writes his inventory,of all of these problem areas. The problem of resentment and anger is addressed in the first partof the inventory and the problems of dishonesty, selfishness and fear are disclosed in the followingthree parts. In order to accomplish all of this, the addicted person will first inventory hisresentments and then use the spiritual remedy to be set free of them. He will then inventory hisown faults (sins) and look at the people he has harmed. Next, he will list his fears and begin to beset free from those fears. Finally, he will inventory his relationships of a sexual nature, lookingespecially at his selfishness and dishonesty. He will identify the people he has harmed in thoserelationships and will craft an ideal for his future relationship life, paying special attention to hisselfish conduct and selfish motives.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) It is well said that resentments are killers. They dominate our lives, block us from the graceof God, make our lives miserable, lead to thoughts and actions of revenge and consume ourthoughts. If he is to live, the addicted person must be freed from his resentments. The advisormust understand that the addicted person cannot free himself; he has to have God's help! Sincemost resentments are not overt, but, in fact, are lurking somewhere in the subconscious, they haveto be dug out. The addicted person is likely to be in full denial of many of the worst resentments.He may blame himself for the harm that was done to him. He may have pushed the resentmentsdeep inside because they are too painful to think about. Resentments of parents and closerelatives upon whom he depended as a child may be especially difficult to admit or even recognize.The idea of assigning blame or harmful conduct to those whom society has told him he must honorand tolerate may be anathema. He will feel threatened by being asked to catalogue their wrongs.Nevertheless, a full and complete exposition of the wrongs done him is essential to the applicationof a spiritual remedy; to the invoking of God's help to be freed of his anger and resentment. It isalso necessary to give the addicted person a tool to use which will aid him in identifying the peoplewho have wronged him and to make it easy to write about their actions. In addition, there are anumber of words which need to be defined in order to understand the directions for taking a FourthStep inventory. The advisor will want to start the addicted person off with helpful but non-threatening workto do and will want to start him writing without running headlong into his fears and objections.Therefore, the first task is: 1. Look up and write down the dictionary definitions of certain key words. Once this isdone, the advisor will go over the definitions with the person and point out how these words areused in the Fourth Step and how he will apply them in writing his inventory. These words are: • "Inventory" • "Resentment" • "Anger" • "Fear" • "Self-esteem" • "Relationships" (includes both personal and sex relations) • "Security" • "Ambitions" • "Wrongs" • "Domination"The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont.Next, the addicted person should be instructed to: 2. Make a list of all of the important or significant people in his life: • Family • Lovers • Teachers • Employers • Spouses • Children • Judges • Work-mates • Bosses • In-laws • And all who touched his life in any significant way This list is important because it sends the person back through his life and jogs his memory and because included in this list will be his major resentments. This way, he will not miss anyone he should include. When the significant person's list is completed,the advisor will then: 3. Give the addicted person a list of questions which must be asked about each personon his list. The answers to these questions will identify the people who must be included in theresentment list. The answers will also indicate what the addicted person must write about withrespect to the actions of the people he resents. These questions are: • Did this person harm me in any way? • Did this person threaten me in any way? • Did this person wrong me in any way? • Did this person make me angry at any time? • Was this person unfair to me in any way? If the answer is "yes" to any one or more of these question, then that person must be included in the resentment list. To write the list, it is only necessary to: 4. Write down the name of the person andDescribe in detail what that person did which: • Wronged • Harmed • Angered • Threatened and/or • Was unfair to him.The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont. This is done without reference to any wrongs the addicted person may have done to thaperson. It is vital that the wrongs of others stand out in clear detail without amelioration or excuseof any kind. Once the wrongs of others are detailed, the person must then: 6. Write down which of his natural instincts for: • Sex • Security or • Society Were harmed or threatened by the wrongful conduct. He must also be aware and writedown that the wrongs of others were always accompanied by fear; that every resentment is aproduct of fear. We are never angry unless we are threatened in some way. Thus, fear is theprimary trigger for anger and resentment! When the resentment list is completed: 7. The addicted person and the advisor must review it thoroughly. 8. The advisor should point out how destructive and dangerous these resentments are to him and how powerless he is over them. He should know that anger is a deadly poison to him and that since the anger is triggered byfear, he should be able to see that freedom from fear is the ultimate answer to the recurrence ofresentments. In the final analysis, freedom from fear is the product of an abiding faith. At thispoint: 9. The advisor should instruct the addicted person in the spiritual remedy forresentments: • First, it is important to know that the people who harmed him are very probably spiritually sick and that he should view them as sick people. • Second, he must understand that in order to be freed from his resentments, he must be willing to forgive the wrongs that were done him. If he is not willing to forgive, he should pray for the willingness until it comes. He clearlyknows the wrongs he is forgiving, because he has fully and honestly inventoried them withoutdilution of any kind. Therefore, his forgiveness will be fully effective. • Third, he must now pray for each of the people on his list, asking God to give them everything he would want for himself and asking that his anger be removed and that God show him how to be helpful to each of them. When these things are done, his resentments will disappear; he will be freed of this mostdamaging mental aberration.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) This second part of the inventory is designed to uncover the addicted person's defects ofcharacter: • Selfishness • Dishonesty • FearAnd to clearly define his wrongs. He will see how his: • Attitudes • Motives and • Actionshave caused serious harm to other people. He will begin to compile his Eighth Step amends list ofpeople he has harmed. This inventory is not designed or intended to indict or condemn the person,but, rather, to demonstrate to him how his actions have been the cause of his failures in life; howhe must accept responsibility for the results. He is the author of his own misery! God did not do it!The choices he has made, the wrongs he has deliberately committed, his defiance of God's lawsand the violations of his own sense of right and wrong have been the operative causes of hisspiritual bankruptcy. He will see how he has violated the basic rights of other people and how theyretaliated. He will come to understand clearly that, but for his own actions, motivations andattitudes, his life would have been entirely different. He is not the victim. He is the progenitor ofhis own difficulties. The advisor will take a kindly and tolerant view of these deficiencies, sinceharsh criticism or judgments will be entirely counter-productive at this point. To work this second part, the addicted person must answer certain specific questionsconcerning his actions, motivations and attitudes as those relate to his relations with the people onhis resentments list. To accomplish this, he will refer to the list again and put out of his mind thewrongs that the people on the list have done him. He will then look honestly and thoroughly at his own wrongs without reference to what wasdone to him. As to each person on his resentments list, he must: 10. Answer five specific questions. • Where was I dishonest with this person? • Where was I selfish with this person? • Where was I self-centered with this person? • Where did I act with fright? • Did I harm this person in any way by my actions?The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) cont. 11. These questions must be answered with a narrative description of his • actions • motivations and • attitudes. He will, therefore, clearly delineate the defects of dishonesty, selfishness and fearfulresponse. He will begin to see how destructive these defects are to him personally and to thosewith whom he has contact. He will continue to answer these questions with respect to everyone onhis resentment list. When this part of the inventory is complete: 1 12. The advisor should review it with the addicted person, pointing out the defects (dishonesty, selfishness & fear) and the way these have ruined his life and blocked him from God. One important aspect of the advisor's work is the continuous monitoring of the inventory inprogress. First, this permits the advisor to correct mistakes or omissions as the work progresses.Second, the advisor gains much insight into the problems to be faced. Third, the addicted personbecomes used to discussing his darker side with his advisor which will make the coming Fifth Stepfar more productive.THE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory This Third part of the inventory is crucial. This is a tool or technique which will be used bythe addicted person for the rest of his life. The fears which will be the subject of this part are notthe fears arising from the immediate threat of physical harm. The `fight or flight" syndrome is notwhat is addressed here. The fears which have destroyed the addicted person's natural instinctsand bid fair to destroy his life are the fears of future harm, loss, embarrassment, rejection ordeprivation. These fears are occasioned by his perception of a threat rather than by theimminence of physical harm. These fears are, therefore, products of his mind. They have noreality since they deal with something in the future which might or might not happen. Because theyare products of his mind, he has no power over them. He cannot be free of them himself. There isno human solution to these fears and he must have God's help to be free of them. Fear has warped and perverted the addicted person's natural instincts for sex, security andsociety so that they no longer function as God intended them. Fear has literally made him insane;that is, his mind no longer functions normally. Fear has blocked him from God and is the chiefculprit in his spiritual bankruptcy. Fear triggers violent or irrational actions. It leads to dishonestyand anger and is the principal cause of selfishness and self-centered actions. Since the spirituallybankrupt person has little or no faith, fear has him in a strangle hold. This is true no matter whatthe religious convictions of the person may be. So it is clear that the ultimate answer to fear is thegrowth of an abiding faith, but this will not occur for most people until their fears are reduced orThe Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory) cont.removed. Since only God can remove the fear, by its very removal the addicted person will find hisfaith begin to grow; he will come to believe that he can in fact trust God! It is therefore imperativethat he turn to God for the solution to his fears. Here, the advisor will be of enormous value, sincehe will urge and help the person to turn to God in prayer for relief from fear. This Step requiresthat the addicted person first: 13. recognize and write down his fears and 14. what has caused them before he appeals to God for help. There is great spiritual value in going to God after havingbecome completely honest about the problem and defining it clearly. The willingness and effort tobe searchingly honest with himself opens the door to spiritual relief for a spiritual problem. Hemust, therefore, make a list of his fears and the cause of those fears. The advisor should suggesta list of fears which are common among all people and instruct the addicted person to carefullyconsider if any of them apply to him. He should also be instructed to add to the list any other fearsand the cause of those fears. The most common fears are ten in number. • Losing what he has • Of not getting what he wants or needs • Rejection • Economic insecurity • Fear of failure • Fear of death • Seventh, fear of God's punishment • Fear of drinking or drugging • Fear of being found out for what he really is • Fear of the consequences of his previous actions Once this list is complete, the advisor must have the addicted person: 15. Admit and thoroughly discuss all of these fears and then 16. Instruct him to turn to God for the solution. A suggested prayer to be used for this purpose is as follows: "God, these are my fears. (He should tell all his fears to God) I am powerless over thesefears. I cannot get rid of them myself. I need Your help. God, please remove these fears from meand show me what You would have me be." When he has inventoried his fears and admitted them to his advisor and asked God forhelp, his fears will immediately begin to fall away from him. This process can be reduced to aformula: Fears, recognized and written down, admitted to another, and turned over to God equalNO FEAR! The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsSEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) This part of the inventory addresses itself to the primary defects of dishonesty andselfishness and to the wrongs that the addicted person has done to those with whom he has hadsuch a relationship. This, again, is a vital part of the inventory for it considers one of the mostdifficult areas in any human life; the management of the sex instinct. This instinct is so powerful inmost people that they may literally be ruled by it. Certainly, experience shows that even thosewhose behavior continues to be moral and in accordance with God's commandments will havesuffered significantly from the power of this instinct. That it is good and God-given cannot bedenied. That the continuance of the human race depends upon it is clear. Nevertheless, themisuse of this instinct causes havoc with humans and the addicted person is no exception. Themost pertinent question is whether the use of the sex powers is selfish or not. Of almost equalimportance is whether the power was used dishonestly. Then there are the moral questions ofbroken commitments, violations of God's laws, great harm done to others, infidelity, adultery,promiscuity, and incest. Some or most of these elements will be present in every addictedperson's past life. In addition, the wrongful acts of the addicted person will have created greatguilt, remorse and shame. The advisor will find that he is firmly blocked off from God as a resultAnd must understand that only a spiritual solution will solve this problem. The sex inventory istaken by first: 17. Listing all of the people with whom the addicted person has had sexual relations during his lifetime. Brief encounters may be lumped together since they will tend to have the samecharacteristics, but all longer lasting relationships must be listed by the name or by otheridentifying notations. Once this is done, 18. The person must answer five questions about each person or group of persons on the list: • Was I dishonest? • Was I selfish? • Did I arouse suspicion • Did I arouse jealousy • Did I arouse bitterness? • Did I cause harm? • What should I have done instead? The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors SEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) cont. When these questions have been answered: 19. The advisor should review the answers and discuss them thoroughly with the addicted person. Of primary importance are the evidences of: • Selfishness and • Dishonesty and • The nature of the harm done others. It is wise to refrain from expressions of moral outrage at this point, leaving the judgment toGod. The addicted person is then instructed to: 20. Write out an ideal for how he believes he should conduct himself in his future sex relationships. 21. He must pray, asking God to inspire him and to guide him in this endeavor. It is obvious that certain things in his past conduct must be changed radically; selfishnessand dishonesty must not be any part of his future relationships. In addition, he must never againdoing anything deliberately to harm another person. Of prime importance is that he try to reflectGod's love, patience and understanding and to live his life in accordance with God's will andcommandments. Whatever his ideal turns out to be, he must ask God for the power to live up tothat ideal and he should keep this written ideal with him and refer to it constantly. He must beWilling to turn to God in all of his relationships, seeking God's will in each case. He must surrenderhis sex instincts to the will of God without reservation. This is very difficult to do and the supportand encouragement of the spiritual advisor is essential. A sane and moral future sex life will be theresult. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsCONCLUDING THE INVENTORY Two things remain to be accomplished to conclude the Fourth Step inventory. The firstthing is to: 22. Prepare a list of all the people the addicted person has harmed by his conduct as revealed by his inventory. This list of people is the list which will be used in the Eighth Step and to whom amends mustbe made in the Ninth Step. Repentance requires the action of setting matters right in order to beeffective. It is only through making amends that he will be set free from the guilt, remorse andshame which block him from God. The last thing to be done is a : 23. List of the addicted person's character defects. This is the list which will be used as the basis of the Fifth Ste# which follows immediately.This list should include resentments, dishonesty, selfishness and fear and may include such otherobjectionable traits as pride, ego, procrastination, sloth, bad temper, coveting, jealousy,intemperance, immorality, sinful behavior, defiance, rebellion and criminal behavior. Once havingcompleted this list, the addicted person has completed his Fourth Step and is ready to take hisFifth Step.AN ADDENDUM TO THE TWELVE STEP GUIDE FOR SPIRITUAL ADVISORS AND SPONSORSBY Jim B. (Less)
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11, 04:52, 2008-04-22 09:22:46 Description: The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit which are the result (More) The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit which are the result of overwhelming fear working on the naturalinstincts. It will also uncover the wrongdoing and faults of the addicted person and will identify thepeople he has hurt by his actions. Experience has shown that, in most cases, nothing but a writteninventory will suffice. The advisor needs to know that the addicted person cannot or will not fullyreveal himself until he is required to reduce his self-examination to writing. Denial is the hallmarkof all addictions and he has been hiding from the truth about himself for years. He has become anexpert dissembler, has well-established rationalizations for his behavior and in many cases hasbeen carefully indoctrinated with the excuses which allow him to refuse to take personalresponsibility for the desperate straits into which he has fallen. This Step will also begin theprocess of God-reliance without which the addicted person is helpless. While working the Fourth Step, the addicted person will take several "leaps of faith" whichwill demonstrate the power and trust-worthiness of God when He is called upon. When theaddicted person worked his Third Step, he made a decision to turn his life and will over to thepower of God, but this Step will have no permanent effect unless he immediately takes the actionnecessary to find and be rid of the things in himself which are blocking him off from God. He mustnow put his decision into action and that action begins with the Fourth Step. By working the FourthStep, he will be enabled to identify all of the blocks, all of the insanity, all of the sin, all of the guilt,remorse and shame, and all of the twists of character which have kept him in a state of spiritualbankruptcy. For the first time in his life he will have become entirely honest with himself about allof those things he has carefully hidden from the world, even from his closest and most trustedfriends, relatives and advisors. The Fourth Step has several immediate positive results for the addicted person if he followsthe directions contained in this work. First, he will be relieved of his resentments. Second, he willbegin to lose his fears. Third, he will have an ideal for his future relationship life. Fourth, he willhave a list of all the people he has harmed by his conduct. Fifth, he will have a list of all of hisdefects of character (sins and mental twists) which block him from his God. The defects of character which the Fourth Step addresses are resentment (anger),selfishness, dishonesty and fear. Included in these defects are pride, coveting, jealousy, sloth,egoism, and procrastination. The addicted person will become aware, as he writes his inventory,of all of these problem areas. The problem of resentment and anger is addressed in the first partof the inventory and the problems of dishonesty, selfishness and fear are disclosed in the followingthree parts. In order to accomplish all of this, the addicted person will first inventory hisresentments and then use the spiritual remedy to be set free of them. He will then inventory hisown faults (sins) and look at the people he has harmed. Next, he will list his fears and begin to beset free from those fears. Finally, he will inventory his relationships of a sexual nature, lookingespecially at his selfishness and dishonesty. He will identify the people he has harmed in thoserelationships and will craft an ideal for his future relationship life, paying special attention to hisselfish conduct and selfish motives.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) It is well said that resentments are killers. They dominate our lives, block us from the graceof God, make our lives miserable, lead to thoughts and actions of revenge and consume ourthoughts. If he is to live, the addicted person must be freed from his resentments. The advisormust understand that the addicted person cannot free himself; he has to have God's help! Sincemost resentments are not overt, but, in fact, are lurking somewhere in the subconscious, they haveto be dug out. The addicted person is likely to be in full denial of many of the worst resentments.He may blame himself for the harm that was done to him. He may have pushed the resentmentsdeep inside because they are too painful to think about. Resentments of parents and closerelatives upon whom he depended as a child may be especially difficult to admit or even recognize.The idea of assigning blame or harmful conduct to those whom society has told him he must honorand tolerate may be anathema. He will feel threatened by being asked to catalogue their wrongs.Nevertheless, a full and complete exposition of the wrongs done him is essential to the applicationof a spiritual remedy; to the invoking of God's help to be freed of his anger and resentment. It isalso necessary to give the addicted person a tool to use which will aid him in identifying the peoplewho have wronged him and to make it easy to write about their actions. In addition, there are anumber of words which need to be defined in order to understand the directions for taking a FourthStep inventory. The advisor will want to start the addicted person off with helpful but non-threatening workto do and will want to start him writing without running headlong into his fears and objections.Therefore, the first task is: 1. Look up and write down the dictionary definitions of certain key words. Once this isdone, the advisor will go over the definitions with the person and point out how these words areused in the Fourth Step and how he will apply them in writing his inventory. These words are: • "Inventory" • "Resentment" • "Anger" • "Fear" • "Self-esteem" • "Relationships" (includes both personal and sex relations) • "Security" • "Ambitions" • "Wrongs" • "Domination"The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont.Next, the addicted person should be instructed to: 2. Make a list of all of the important or significant people in his life: • Family • Lovers • Teachers • Employers • Spouses • Children • Judges • Work-mates • Bosses • In-laws • And all who touched his life in any significant way This list is important because it sends the person back through his life and jogs his memory and because included in this list will be his major resentments. This way, he will not miss anyone he should include. When the significant person's list is completed,the advisor will then: 3. Give the addicted person a list of questions which must be asked about each personon his list. The answers to these questions will identify the people who must be included in theresentment list. The answers will also indicate what the addicted person must write about withrespect to the actions of the people he resents. These questions are: • Did this person harm me in any way? • Did this person threaten me in any way? • Did this person wrong me in any way? • Did this person make me angry at any time? • Was this person unfair to me in any way? If the answer is "yes" to any one or more of these question, then that person must be included in the resentment list. To write the list, it is only necessary to: 4. Write down the name of the person andDescribe in detail what that person did which: • Wronged • Harmed • Angered • Threatened and/or • Was unfair to him.The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont. This is done without reference to any wrongs the addicted person may have done to thaperson. It is vital that the wrongs of others stand out in clear detail without amelioration or excuseof any kind. Once the wrongs of others are detailed, the person must then: 6. Write down which of his natural instincts for: • Sex • Security or • Society Were harmed or threatened by the wrongful conduct. He must also be aware and writedown that the wrongs of others were always accompanied by fear; that every resentment is aproduct of fear. We are never angry unless we are threatened in some way. Thus, fear is theprimary trigger for anger and resentment! When the resentment list is completed: 7. The addicted person and the advisor must review it thoroughly. 8. The advisor should point out how destructive and dangerous these resentments are to him and how powerless he is over them. He should know that anger is a deadly poison to him and that since the anger is triggered byfear, he should be able to see that freedom from fear is the ultimate answer to the recurrence ofresentments. In the final analysis, freedom from fear is the product of an abiding faith. At thispoint: 9. The advisor should instruct the addicted person in the spiritual remedy forresentments: • First, it is important to know that the people who harmed him are very probably spiritually sick and that he should view them as sick people. • Second, he must understand that in order to be freed from his resentments, he must be willing to forgive the wrongs that were done him. If he is not willing to forgive, he should pray for the willingness until it comes. He clearlyknows the wrongs he is forgiving, because he has fully and honestly inventoried them withoutdilution of any kind. Therefore, his forgiveness will be fully effective. • Third, he must now pray for each of the people on his list, asking God to give them everything he would want for himself and asking that his anger be removed and that God show him how to be helpful to each of them. When these things are done, his resentments will disappear; he will be freed of this mostdamaging mental aberration.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) This second part of the inventory is designed to uncover the addicted person's defects ofcharacter: • Selfishness • Dishonesty • FearAnd to clearly define his wrongs. He will see how his: • Attitudes • Motives and • Actionshave caused serious harm to other people. He will begin to compile his Eighth Step amends list ofpeople he has harmed. This inventory is not designed or intended to indict or condemn the person,but, rather, to demonstrate to him how his actions have been the cause of his failures in life; howhe must accept responsibility for the results. He is the author of his own misery! God did not do it!The choices he has made, the wrongs he has deliberately committed, his defiance of God's lawsand the violations of his own sense of right and wrong have been the operative causes of hisspiritual bankruptcy. He will see how he has violated the basic rights of other people and how theyretaliated. He will come to understand clearly that, but for his own actions, motivations andattitudes, his life would have been entirely different. He is not the victim. He is the progenitor ofhis own difficulties. The advisor will take a kindly and tolerant view of these deficiencies, sinceharsh criticism or judgments will be entirely counter-productive at this point. To work this second part, the addicted person must answer certain specific questionsconcerning his actions, motivations and attitudes as those relate to his relations with the people onhis resentments list. To accomplish this, he will refer to the list again and put out of his mind thewrongs that the people on the list have done him. He will then look honestly and thoroughly at his own wrongs without reference to what wasdone to him. As to each person on his resentments list, he must: 10. Answer five specific questions. • Where was I dishonest with this person? • Where was I selfish with this person? • Where was I self-centered with this person? • Where did I act with fright? • Did I harm this person in any way by my actions?The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) cont. 11. These questions must be answered with a narrative description of his • actions • motivations and • attitudes. He will, therefore, clearly delineate the defects of dishonesty, selfishness and fearfulresponse. He will begin to see how destructive these defects are to him personally and to thosewith whom he has contact. He will continue to answer these questions with respect to everyone onhis resentment list. When this part of the inventory is complete: 1 12. The advisor should review it with the addicted person, pointing out the defects (dishonesty, selfishness & fear) and the way these have ruined his life and blocked him from God. One important aspect of the advisor's work is the continuous monitoring of the inventory inprogress. First, this permits the advisor to correct mistakes or omissions as the work progresses.Second, the advisor gains much insight into the problems to be faced. Third, the addicted personbecomes used to discussing his darker side with his advisor which will make the coming Fifth Stepfar more productive.THE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory This Third part of the inventory is crucial. This is a tool or technique which will be used bythe addicted person for the rest of his life. The fears which will be the subject of this part are notthe fears arising from the immediate threat of physical harm. The `fight or flight" syndrome is notwhat is addressed here. The fears which have destroyed the addicted person's natural instinctsand bid fair to destroy his life are the fears of future harm, loss, embarrassment, rejection ordeprivation. These fears are occasioned by his perception of a threat rather than by theimminence of physical harm. These fears are, therefore, products of his mind. They have noreality since they deal with something in the future which might or might not happen. Because theyare products of his mind, he has no power over them. He cannot be free of them himself. There isno human solution to these fears and he must have God's help to be free of them. Fear has warped and perverted the addicted person's natural instincts for sex, security andsociety so that they no longer function as God intended them. Fear has literally made him insane;that is, his mind no longer functions normally. Fear has blocked him from God and is the chiefculprit in his spiritual bankruptcy. Fear triggers violent or irrational actions. It leads to dishonestyand anger and is the principal cause of selfishness and self-centered actions. Since the spirituallybankrupt person has little or no faith, fear has him in a strangle hold. This is true no matter whatthe religious convictions of the person may be. So it is clear that the ultimate answer to fear is thegrowth of an abiding faith, but this will not occur for most people until their fears are reduced orThe Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory) cont.removed. Since only God can remove the fear, by its very removal the addicted person will find hisfaith begin to grow; he will come to believe that he can in fact trust God! It is therefore imperativethat he turn to God for the solution to his fears. Here, the advisor will be of enormous value, sincehe will urge and help the person to turn to God in prayer for relief from fear. This Step requiresthat the addicted person first: 13. recognize and write down his fears and 14. what has caused them before he appeals to God for help. There is great spiritual value in going to God after havingbecome completely honest about the problem and defining it clearly. The willingness and effort tobe searchingly honest with himself opens the door to spiritual relief for a spiritual problem. Hemust, therefore, make a list of his fears and the cause of those fears. The advisor should suggesta list of fears which are common among all people and instruct the addicted person to carefullyconsider if any of them apply to him. He should also be instructed to add to the list any other fearsand the cause of those fears. The most common fears are ten in number. • Losing what he has • Of not getting what he wants or needs • Rejection • Economic insecurity • Fear of failure • Fear of death • Seventh, fear of God's punishment • Fear of drinking or drugging • Fear of being found out for what he really is • Fear of the consequences of his previous actions Once this list is complete, the advisor must have the addicted person: 15. Admit and thoroughly discuss all of these fears and then 16. Instruct him to turn to God for the solution. A suggested prayer to be used for this purpose is as follows: "God, these are my fears. (He should tell all his fears to God) I am powerless over thesefears. I cannot get rid of them myself. I need Your help. God, please remove these fears from meand show me what You would have me be." When he has inventoried his fears and admitted them to his advisor and asked God forhelp, his fears will immediately begin to fall away from him. This process can be reduced to aformula: Fears, recognized and written down, admitted to another, and turned over to God equalNO FEAR! The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsSEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) This part of the inventory addresses itself to the primary defects of dishonesty andselfishness and to the wrongs that the addicted person has done to those with whom he has hadsuch a relationship. This, again, is a vital part of the inventory for it considers one of the mostdifficult areas in any human life; the management of the sex instinct. This instinct is so powerful inmost people that they may literally be ruled by it. Certainly, experience shows that even thosewhose behavior continues to be moral and in accordance with God's commandments will havesuffered significantly from the power of this instinct. That it is good and God-given cannot bedenied. That the continuance of the human race depends upon it is clear. Nevertheless, themisuse of this instinct causes havoc with humans and the addicted person is no exception. Themost pertinent question is whether the use of the sex powers is selfish or not. Of almost equalimportance is whether the power was used dishonestly. Then there are the moral questions ofbroken commitments, violations of God's laws, great harm done to others, infidelity, adultery,promiscuity, and incest. Some or most of these elements will be present in every addictedperson's past life. In addition, the wrongful acts of the addicted person will have created greatguilt, remorse and shame. The advisor will find that he is firmly blocked off from God as a resultAnd must understand that only a spiritual solution will solve this problem. The sex inventory istaken by first: 17. Listing all of the people with whom the addicted person has had sexual relations during his lifetime. Brief encounters may be lumped together since they will tend to have the samecharacteristics, but all longer lasting relationships must be listed by the name or by otheridentifying notations. Once this is done, 18. The person must answer five questions about each person or group of persons on the list: • Was I dishonest? • Was I selfish? • Did I arouse suspicion • Did I arouse jealousy • Did I arouse bitterness? • Did I cause harm? • What should I have done instead? The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors SEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) cont. When these questions have been answered: 19. The advisor should review the answers and discuss them thoroughly with the addicted person. Of primary importance are the evidences of: • Selfishness and • Dishonesty and • The nature of the harm done others. It is wise to refrain from expressions of moral outrage at this point, leaving the judgment toGod. The addicted person is then instructed to: 20. Write out an ideal for how he believes he should conduct himself in his future sex relationships. 21. He must pray, asking God to inspire him and to guide him in this endeavor. It is obvious that certain things in his past conduct must be changed radically; selfishnessand dishonesty must not be any part of his future relationships. In addition, he must never againdoing anything deliberately to harm another person. Of prime importance is that he try to reflectGod's love, patience and understanding and to live his life in accordance with God's will andcommandments. Whatever his ideal turns out to be, he must ask God for the power to live up tothat ideal and he should keep this written ideal with him and refer to it constantly. He must beWilling to turn to God in all of his relationships, seeking God's will in each case. He must surrenderhis sex instincts to the will of God without reservation. This is very difficult to do and the supportand encouragement of the spiritual advisor is essential. A sane and moral future sex life will be theresult. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsCONCLUDING THE INVENTORY Two things remain to be accomplished to conclude the Fourth Step inventory. The firstthing is to: 22. Prepare a list of all the people the addicted person has harmed by his conduct as revealed by his inventory. This list of people is the list which will be used in the Eighth Step and to whom amends mustbe made in the Ninth Step. Repentance requires the action of setting matters right in order to beeffective. It is only through making amends that he will be set free from the guilt, remorse andshame which block him from God. The last thing to be done is a : 23. List of the addicted person's character defects. This is the list which will be used as the basis of the Fifth Ste# which follows immediately.This list should include resentments, dishonesty, selfishness and fear and may include such otherobjectionable traits as pride, ego, procrastination, sloth, bad temper, coveting, jealousy,intemperance, immorality, sinful behavior, defiance, rebellion and criminal behavior. Once havingcompleted this list, the addicted person has completed his Fourth Step and is ready to take hisFifth Step.AN ADDENDUM TO THE TWELVE STEP GUIDE FOR SPIRITUAL ADVISORS AND SPONSORSBY Jim B. (Less)
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16, 06:20, 2008-04-22 09:22:46 Description: Jim opens his story of recovery in AA The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of (More) Jim opens his story of recovery in AA The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit which are the result of overwhelming fear working on the naturalinstincts. It will also uncover the wrongdoing and faults of the addicted person and will identify thepeople he has hurt by his actions. Experience has shown that, in most cases, nothing but a writteninventory will suffice. The advisor needs to know that the addicted person cannot or will not fullyreveal himself until he is required to reduce his self-examination to writing. Denial is the hallmarkof all addictions and he has been hiding from the truth about himself for years. He has become anexpert dissembler, has well-established rationalizations for his behavior and in many cases hasbeen carefully indoctrinated with the excuses which allow him to refuse to take personalresponsibility for the desperate straits into which he has fallen. This Step will also begin theprocess of God-reliance without which the addicted person is helpless. While working the Fourth Step, the addicted person will take several "leaps of faith" whichwill demonstrate the power and trust-worthiness of God when He is called upon. When theaddicted person worked his Third Step, he made a decision to turn his life and will over to thepower of God, but this Step will have no permanent effect unless he immediately takes the actionnecessary to find and be rid of the things in himself which are blocking him off from God. He mustnow put his decision into action and that action begins with the Fourth Step. By working the FourthStep, he will be enabled to identify all of the blocks, all of the insanity, all of the sin, all of the guilt,remorse and shame, and all of the twists of character which have kept him in a state of spiritualbankruptcy. For the first time in his life he will have become entirely honest with himself about allof those things he has carefully hidden from the world, even from his closest and most trustedfriends, relatives and advisors. The Fourth Step has several immediate positive results for the addicted person if he followsthe directions contained in this work. First, he will be relieved of his resentments. Second, he willbegin to lose his fears. Third, he will have an ideal for his future relationship life. Fourth, he willhave a list of all the people he has harmed by his conduct. Fifth, he will have a list of all of hisdefects of character (sins and mental twists) which block him from his God. The defects of character which the Fourth Step addresses are resentment (anger),selfishness, dishonesty and fear. Included in these defects are pride, coveting, jealousy, sloth,egoism, and procrastination. The addicted person will become aware, as he writes his inventory,of all of these problem areas. The problem of resentment and anger is addressed in the first partof the inventory and the problems of dishonesty, selfishness and fear are disclosed in the followingthree parts. In order to accomplish all of this, the addicted person will first inventory hisresentments and then use the spiritual remedy to be set free of them. He will then inventory hisown faults (sins) and look at the people he has harmed. Next, he will list his fears and begin to beset free from those fears. Finally, he will inventory his relationships of a sexual nature, lookingespecially at his selfishness and dishonesty. He will identify the people he has harmed in thoserelationships and will craft an ideal for his future relationship life, paying special attention to hisselfish conduct and selfish motives.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) It is well said that resentments are killers. They dominate our lives, block us from the graceof God, make our lives miserable, lead to thoughts and actions of revenge and consume ourthoughts. If he is to live, the addicted person must be freed from his resentments. The advisormust understand that the addicted person cannot free himself; he has to have God's help! Sincemost resentments are not overt, but, in fact, are lurking somewhere in the subconscious, they haveto be dug out. The addicted person is likely to be in full denial of many of the worst resentments.He may blame himself for the harm that was done to him. He may have pushed the resentmentsdeep inside because they are too painful to think about. Resentments of parents and closerelatives upon whom he depended as a child may be especially difficult to admit or even recognize.The idea of assigning blame or harmful conduct to those whom society has told him he must honorand tolerate may be anathema. He will feel threatened by being asked to catalogue their wrongs.Nevertheless, a full and complete exposition of the wrongs done him is essential to the applicationof a spiritual remedy; to the invoking of God's help to be freed of his anger and resentment. It isalso necessary to give the addicted person a tool to use which will aid him in identifying the peoplewho have wronged him and to make it easy to write about their actions. In addition, there are anumber of words which need to be defined in order to understand the directions for taking a FourthStep inventory. The advisor will want to start the addicted person off with helpful but non-threatening workto do and will want to start him writing without running headlong into his fears and objections.Therefore, the first task is: 1. Look up and write down the dictionary definitions of certain key words. Once this isdone, the advisor will go over the definitions with the person and point out how these words areused in the Fourth Step and how he will apply them in writing his inventory. These words are: • "Inventory" • "Resentment" • "Anger" • "Fear" • "Self-esteem" • "Relationships" (includes both personal and sex relations) • "Security" • "Ambitions" • "Wrongs" • "Domination"The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont.Next, the addicted person should be instructed to: 2. Make a list of all of the important or significant people in his life: • Family • Lovers • Teachers • Employers • Spouses • Children • Judges • Work-mates • Bosses • In-laws • And all who touched his life in any significant way This list is important because it sends the person back through his life and jogs his memory and because included in this list will be his major resentments. This way, he will not miss anyone he should include. When the significant person's list is completed,the advisor will then: 3. Give the addicted person a list of questions which must be asked about each personon his list. The answers to these questions will identify the people who must be included in theresentment list. The answers will also indicate what the addicted person must write about withrespect to the actions of the people he resents. These questions are: • Did this person harm me in any way? • Did this person threaten me in any way? • Did this person wrong me in any way? • Did this person make me angry at any time? • Was this person unfair to me in any way? If the answer is "yes" to any one or more of these question, then that person must be included in the resentment list. To write the list, it is only necessary to: 4. Write down the name of the person andDescribe in detail what that person did which: • Wronged • Harmed • Angered • Threatened and/or • Was unfair to him.The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont. This is done without reference to any wrongs the addicted person may have done to thaperson. It is vital that the wrongs of others stand out in clear detail without amelioration or excuseof any kind. Once the wrongs of others are detailed, the person must then: 6. Write down which of his natural instincts for: • Sex • Security or • Society Were harmed or threatened by the wrongful conduct. He must also be aware and writedown that the wrongs of others were always accompanied by fear; that every resentment is aproduct of fear. We are never angry unless we are threatened in some way. Thus, fear is theprimary trigger for anger and resentment! When the resentment list is completed: 7. The addicted person and the advisor must review it thoroughly. 8. The advisor should point out how destructive and dangerous these resentments are to him and how powerless he is over them. He should know that anger is a deadly poison to him and that since the anger is triggered byfear, he should be able to see that freedom from fear is the ultimate answer to the recurrence ofresentments. In the final analysis, freedom from fear is the product of an abiding faith. At thispoint: 9. The advisor should instruct the addicted person in the spiritual remedy forresentments: • First, it is important to know that the people who harmed him are very probably spiritually sick and that he should view them as sick people. • Second, he must understand that in order to be freed from his resentments, he must be willing to forgive the wrongs that were done him. If he is not willing to forgive, he should pray for the willingness until it comes. He clearlyknows the wrongs he is forgiving, because he has fully and honestly inventoried them withoutdilution of any kind. Therefore, his forgiveness will be fully effective. • Third, he must now pray for each of the people on his list, asking God to give them everything he would want for himself and asking that his anger be removed and that God show him how to be helpful to each of them. When these things are done, his resentments will disappear; he will be freed of this mostdamaging mental aberration.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) This second part of the inventory is designed to uncover the addicted person's defects ofcharacter: • Selfishness • Dishonesty • FearAnd to clearly define his wrongs. He will see how his: • Attitudes • Motives and • Actionshave caused serious harm to other people. He will begin to compile his Eighth Step amends list ofpeople he has harmed. This inventory is not designed or intended to indict or condemn the person,but, rather, to demonstrate to him how his actions have been the cause of his failures in life; howhe must accept responsibility for the results. He is the author of his own misery! God did not do it!The choices he has made, the wrongs he has deliberately committed, his defiance of God's lawsand the violations of his own sense of right and wrong have been the operative causes of hisspiritual bankruptcy. He will see how he has violated the basic rights of other people and how theyretaliated. He will come to understand clearly that, but for his own actions, motivations andattitudes, his life would have been entirely different. He is not the victim. He is the progenitor ofhis own difficulties. The advisor will take a kindly and tolerant view of these deficiencies, sinceharsh criticism or judgments will be entirely counter-productive at this point. To work this second part, the addicted person must answer certain specific questionsconcerning his actions, motivations and attitudes as those relate to his relations with the people onhis resentments list. To accomplish this, he will refer to the list again and put out of his mind thewrongs that the people on the list have done him. He will then look honestly and thoroughly at his own wrongs without reference to what wasdone to him. As to each person on his resentments list, he must: 10. Answer five specific questions. • Where was I dishonest with this person? • Where was I selfish with this person? • Where was I self-centered with this person? • Where did I act with fright? • Did I harm this person in any way by my actions?The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) cont. 11. These questions must be answered with a narrative description of his • actions • motivations and • attitudes. He will, therefore, clearly delineate the defects of dishonesty, selfishness and fearfulresponse. He will begin to see how destructive these defects are to him personally and to thosewith whom he has contact. He will continue to answer these questions with respect to everyone onhis resentment list. When this part of the inventory is complete: 1 12. The advisor should review it with the addicted person, pointing out the defects (dishonesty, selfishness & fear) and the way these have ruined his life and blocked him from God. One important aspect of the advisor's work is the continuous monitoring of the inventory inprogress. First, this permits the advisor to correct mistakes or omissions as the work progresses.Second, the advisor gains much insight into the problems to be faced. Third, the addicted personbecomes used to discussing his darker side with his advisor which will make the coming Fifth Stepfar more productive.THE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory This Third part of the inventory is crucial. This is a tool or technique which will be used bythe addicted person for the rest of his life. The fears which will be the subject of this part are notthe fears arising from the immediate threat of physical harm. The `fight or flight" syndrome is notwhat is addressed here. The fears which have destroyed the addicted person's natural instinctsand bid fair to destroy his life are the fears of future harm, loss, embarrassment, rejection ordeprivation. These fears are occasioned by his perception of a threat rather than by theimminence of physical harm. These fears are, therefore, products of his mind. They have noreality since they deal with something in the future which might or might not happen. Because theyare products of his mind, he has no power over them. He cannot be free of them himself. There isno human solution to these fears and he must have God's help to be free of them. Fear has warped and perverted the addicted person's natural instincts for sex, security andsociety so that they no longer function as God intended them. Fear has literally made him insane;that is, his mind no longer functions normally. Fear has blocked him from God and is the chiefculprit in his spiritual bankruptcy. Fear triggers violent or irrational actions. It leads to dishonestyand anger and is the principal cause of selfishness and self-centered actions. Since the spirituallybankrupt person has little or no faith, fear has him in a strangle hold. This is true no matter whatthe religious convictions of the person may be. So it is clear that the ultimate answer to fear is thegrowth of an abiding faith, but this will not occur for most people until their fears are reduced orThe Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory) cont.removed. Since only God can remove the fear, by its very removal the addicted person will find hisfaith begin to grow; he will come to believe that he can in fact trust God! It is therefore imperativethat he turn to God for the solution to his fears. Here, the advisor will be of enormous value, sincehe will urge and help the person to turn to God in prayer for relief from fear. This Step requiresthat the addicted person first: 13. recognize and write down his fears and 14. what has caused them before he appeals to God for help. There is great spiritual value in going to God after havingbecome completely honest about the problem and defining it clearly. The willingness and effort tobe searchingly honest with himself opens the door to spiritual relief for a spiritual problem. Hemust, therefore, make a list of his fears and the cause of those fears. The advisor should suggesta list of fears which are common among all people and instruct the addicted person to carefullyconsider if any of them apply to him. He should also be instructed to add to the list any other fearsand the cause of those fears. The most common fears are ten in number. • Losing what he has • Of not getting what he wants or needs • Rejection • Economic insecurity • Fear of failure • Fear of death • Seventh, fear of God's punishment • Fear of drinking or drugging • Fear of being found out for what he really is • Fear of the consequences of his previous actions Once this list is complete, the advisor must have the addicted person: 15. Admit and thoroughly discuss all of these fears and then 16. Instruct him to turn to God for the solution. A suggested prayer to be used for this purpose is as follows: "God, these are my fears. (He should tell all his fears to God) I am powerless over thesefears. I cannot get rid of them myself. I need Your help. God, please remove these fears from meand show me what You would have me be." When he has inventoried his fears and admitted them to his advisor and asked God forhelp, his fears will immediately begin to fall away from him. This process can be reduced to aformula: Fears, recognized and written down, admitted to another, and turned over to God equalNO FEAR! The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsSEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) This part of the inventory addresses itself to the primary defects of dishonesty andselfishness and to the wrongs that the addicted person has done to those with whom he has hadsuch a relationship. This, again, is a vital part of the inventory for it considers one of the mostdifficult areas in any human life; the management of the sex instinct. This instinct is so powerful inmost people that they may literally be ruled by it. Certainly, experience shows that even thosewhose behavior continues to be moral and in accordance with God's commandments will havesuffered significantly from the power of this instinct. That it is good and God-given cannot bedenied. That the continuance of the human race depends upon it is clear. Nevertheless, themisuse of this instinct causes havoc with humans and the addicted person is no exception. Themost pertinent question is whether the use of the sex powers is selfish or not. Of almost equalimportance is whether the power was used dishonestly. Then there are the moral questions ofbroken commitments, violations of God's laws, great harm done to others, infidelity, adultery,promiscuity, and incest. Some or most of these elements will be present in every addictedperson's past life. In addition, the wrongful acts of the addicted person will have created greatguilt, remorse and shame. The advisor will find that he is firmly blocked off from God as a resultAnd must understand that only a spiritual solution will solve this problem. The sex inventory istaken by first: 17. Listing all of the people with whom the addicted person has had sexual relations during his lifetime. Brief encounters may be lumped together since they will tend to have the samecharacteristics, but all longer lasting relationships must be listed by the name or by otheridentifying notations. Once this is done, 18. The person must answer five questions about each person or group of persons on the list: • Was I dishonest? • Was I selfish? • Did I arouse suspicion • Did I arouse jealousy • Did I arouse bitterness? • Did I cause harm? • What should I have done instead? The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors SEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) cont. When these questions have been answered: 19. The advisor should review the answers and discuss them thoroughly with the addicted person. Of primary importance are the evidences of: • Selfishness and • Dishonesty and • The nature of the harm done others. It is wise to refrain from expressions of moral outrage at this point, leaving the judgment toGod. The addicted person is then instructed to: 20. Write out an ideal for how he believes he should conduct himself in his future sex relationships. 21. He must pray, asking God to inspire him and to guide him in this endeavor. It is obvious that certain things in his past conduct must be changed radically; selfishnessand dishonesty must not be any part of his future relationships. In addition, he must never againdoing anything deliberately to harm another person. Of prime importance is that he try to reflectGod's love, patience and understanding and to live his life in accordance with God's will andcommandments. Whatever his ideal turns out to be, he must ask God for the power to live up tothat ideal and he should keep this written ideal with him and refer to it constantly. He must beWilling to turn to God in all of his relationships, seeking God's will in each case. He must surrenderhis sex instincts to the will of God without reservation. This is very difficult to do and the supportand encouragement of the spiritual advisor is essential. A sane and moral future sex life will be theresult. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsCONCLUDING THE INVENTORY Two things remain to be accomplished to conclude the Fourth Step inventory. The firstthing is to: 22. Prepare a list of all the people the addicted person has harmed by his conduct as revealed by his inventory. This list of people is the list which will be used in the Eighth Step and to whom amends mustbe made in the Ninth Step. Repentance requires the action of setting matters right in order to beeffective. It is only through making amends that he will be set free from the guilt, remorse andshame which block him from God. The last thing to be done is a : 23. List of the addicted person's character defects. This is the list which will be used as the basis of the Fifth Ste# which follows immediately.This list should include resentments, dishonesty, selfishness and fear and may include such otherobjectionable traits as pride, ego, procrastination, sloth, bad temper, coveting, jealousy,intemperance, immorality, sinful behavior, defiance, rebellion and criminal behavior. Once havingcompleted this list, the addicted person has completed his Fourth Step and is ready to take hisFifth Step.AN ADDENDUM TO THE TWELVE STEP GUIDE FOR SPIRITUAL ADVISORS AND SPONSORSBY Jim B. (Less)
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21, 06:09, 2008-04-22 09:22:46 Description: Jim shares one of Carl Jungs letters to him. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists (More) Jim shares one of Carl Jungs letters to him. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit which are the result of overwhelming fear working on the naturalinstincts. It will also uncover the wrongdoing and faults of the addicted person and will identify thepeople he has hurt by his actions. Experience has shown that, in most cases, nothing but a writteninventory will suffice. The advisor needs to know that the addicted person cannot or will not fullyreveal himself until he is required to reduce his self-examination to writing. Denial is the hallmarkof all addictions and he has been hiding from the truth about himself for years. He has become anexpert dissembler, has well-established rationalizations for his behavior and in many cases hasbeen carefully indoctrinated with the excuses which allow him to refuse to take personalresponsibility for the desperate straits into which he has fallen. This Step will also begin theprocess of God-reliance without which the addicted person is helpless. While working the Fourth Step, the addicted person will take several "leaps of faith" whichwill demonstrate the power and trust-worthiness of God when He is called upon. When theaddicted person worked his Third Step, he made a decision to turn his life and will over to thepower of God, but this Step will have no permanent effect unless he immediately takes the actionnecessary to find and be rid of the things in himself which are blocking him off from God. He mustnow put his decision into action and that action begins with the Fourth Step. By working the FourthStep, he will be enabled to identify all of the blocks, all of the insanity, all of the sin, all of the guilt,remorse and shame, and all of the twists of character which have kept him in a state of spiritualbankruptcy. For the first time in his life he will have become entirely honest with himself about allof those things he has carefully hidden from the world, even from his closest and most trustedfriends, relatives and advisors. The Fourth Step has several immediate positive results for the addicted person if he followsthe directions contained in this work. First, he will be relieved of his resentments. Second, he willbegin to lose his fears. Third, he will have an ideal for his future relationship life. Fourth, he willhave a list of all the people he has harmed by his conduct. Fifth, he will have a list of all of hisdefects of character (sins and mental twists) which block him from his God. The defects of character which the Fourth Step addresses are resentment (anger),selfishness, dishonesty and fear. Included in these defects are pride, coveting, jealousy, sloth,egoism, and procrastination. The addicted person will become aware, as he writes his inventory,of all of these problem areas. The problem of resentment and anger is addressed in the first partof the inventory and the problems of dishonesty, selfishness and fear are disclosed in the followingthree parts. In order to accomplish all of this, the addicted person will first inventory hisresentments and then use the spiritual remedy to be set free of them. He will then inventory hisown faults (sins) and look at the people he has harmed. Next, he will list his fears and begin to beset free from those fears. Finally, he will inventory his relationships of a sexual nature, lookingespecially at his selfishness and dishonesty. He will identify the people he has harmed in thoserelationships and will craft an ideal for his future relationship life, paying special attention to hisselfish conduct and selfish motives.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) It is well said that resentments are killers. They dominate our lives, block us from the graceof God, make our lives miserable, lead to thoughts and actions of revenge and consume ourthoughts. If he is to live, the addicted person must be freed from his resentments. The advisormust understand that the addicted person cannot free himself; he has to have God's help! Sincemost resentments are not overt, but, in fact, are lurking somewhere in the subconscious, they haveto be dug out. The addicted person is likely to be in full denial of many of the worst resentments.He may blame himself for the harm that was done to him. He may have pushed the resentmentsdeep inside because they are too painful to think about. Resentments of parents and closerelatives upon whom he depended as a child may be especially difficult to admit or even recognize.The idea of assigning blame or harmful conduct to those whom society has told him he must honorand tolerate may be anathema. He will feel threatened by being asked to catalogue their wrongs.Nevertheless, a full and complete exposition of the wrongs done him is essential to the applicationof a spiritual remedy; to the invoking of God's help to be freed of his anger and resentment. It isalso necessary to give the addicted person a tool to use which will aid him in identifying the peoplewho have wronged him and to make it easy to write about their actions. In addition, there are anumber of words which need to be defined in order to understand the directions for taking a FourthStep inventory. The advisor will want to start the addicted person off with helpful but non-threatening workto do and will want to start him writing without running headlong into his fears and objections.Therefore, the first task is: 1. Look up and write down the dictionary definitions of certain key words. Once this isdone, the advisor will go over the definitions with the person and point out how these words areused in the Fourth Step and how he will apply them in writing his inventory. These words are: • "Inventory" • "Resentment" • "Anger" • "Fear" • "Self-esteem" • "Relationships" (includes both personal and sex relations) • "Security" • "Ambitions" • "Wrongs" • "Domination"The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont.Next, the addicted person should be instructed to: 2. Make a list of all of the important or significant people in his life: • Family • Lovers • Teachers • Employers • Spouses • Children • Judges • Work-mates • Bosses • In-laws • And all who touched his life in any significant way This list is important because it sends the person back through his life and jogs his memory and because included in this list will be his major resentments. This way, he will not miss anyone he should include. When the significant person's list is completed,the advisor will then: 3. Give the addicted person a list of questions which must be asked about each personon his list. The answers to these questions will identify the people who must be included in theresentment list. The answers will also indicate what the addicted person must write about withrespect to the actions of the people he resents. These questions are: • Did this person harm me in any way? • Did this person threaten me in any way? • Did this person wrong me in any way? • Did this person make me angry at any time? • Was this person unfair to me in any way? If the answer is "yes" to any one or more of these question, then that person must be included in the resentment list. To write the list, it is only necessary to: 4. Write down the name of the person andDescribe in detail what that person did which: • Wronged • Harmed • Angered • Threatened and/or • Was unfair to him.The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont. This is done without reference to any wrongs the addicted person may have done to thaperson. It is vital that the wrongs of others stand out in clear detail without amelioration or excuseof any kind. Once the wrongs of others are detailed, the person must then: 6. Write down which of his natural instincts for: • Sex • Security or • Society Were harmed or threatened by the wrongful conduct. He must also be aware and writedown that the wrongs of others were always accompanied by fear; that every resentment is aproduct of fear. We are never angry unless we are threatened in some way. Thus, fear is theprimary trigger for anger and resentment! When the resentment list is completed: 7. The addicted person and the advisor must review it thoroughly. 8. The advisor should point out how destructive and dangerous these resentments are to him and how powerless he is over them. He should know that anger is a deadly poison to him and that since the anger is triggered byfear, he should be able to see that freedom from fear is the ultimate answer to the recurrence ofresentments. In the final analysis, freedom from fear is the product of an abiding faith. At thispoint: 9. The advisor should instruct the addicted person in the spiritual remedy forresentments: • First, it is important to know that the people who harmed him are very probably spiritually sick and that he should view them as sick people. • Second, he must understand that in order to be freed from his resentments, he must be willing to forgive the wrongs that were done him. If he is not willing to forgive, he should pray for the willingness until it comes. He clearlyknows the wrongs he is forgiving, because he has fully and honestly inventoried them withoutdilution of any kind. Therefore, his forgiveness will be fully effective. • Third, he must now pray for each of the people on his list, asking God to give them everything he would want for himself and asking that his anger be removed and that God show him how to be helpful to each of them. When these things are done, his resentments will disappear; he will be freed of this mostdamaging mental aberration.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) This second part of the inventory is designed to uncover the addicted person's defects ofcharacter: • Selfishness • Dishonesty • FearAnd to clearly define his wrongs. He will see how his: • Attitudes • Motives and • Actionshave caused serious harm to other people. He will begin to compile his Eighth Step amends list ofpeople he has harmed. This inventory is not designed or intended to indict or condemn the person,but, rather, to demonstrate to him how his actions have been the cause of his failures in life; howhe must accept responsibility for the results. He is the author of his own misery! God did not do it!The choices he has made, the wrongs he has deliberately committed, his defiance of God's lawsand the violations of his own sense of right and wrong have been the operative causes of hisspiritual bankruptcy. He will see how he has violated the basic rights of other people and how theyretaliated. He will come to understand clearly that, but for his own actions, motivations andattitudes, his life would have been entirely different. He is not the victim. He is the progenitor ofhis own difficulties. The advisor will take a kindly and tolerant view of these deficiencies, sinceharsh criticism or judgments will be entirely counter-productive at this point. To work this second part, the addicted person must answer certain specific questionsconcerning his actions, motivations and attitudes as those relate to his relations with the people onhis resentments list. To accomplish this, he will refer to the list again and put out of his mind thewrongs that the people on the list have done him. He will then look honestly and thoroughly at his own wrongs without reference to what wasdone to him. As to each person on his resentments list, he must: 10. Answer five specific questions. • Where was I dishonest with this person? • Where was I selfish with this person? • Where was I self-centered with this person? • Where did I act with fright? • Did I harm this person in any way by my actions?The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) cont. 11. These questions must be answered with a narrative description of his • actions • motivations and • attitudes. He will, therefore, clearly delineate the defects of dishonesty, selfishness and fearfulresponse. He will begin to see how destructive these defects are to him personally and to thosewith whom he has contact. He will continue to answer these questions with respect to everyone onhis resentment list. When this part of the inventory is complete: 1 12. The advisor should review it with the addicted person, pointing out the defects (dishonesty, selfishness & fear) and the way these have ruined his life and blocked him from God. One important aspect of the advisor's work is the continuous monitoring of the inventory inprogress. First, this permits the advisor to correct mistakes or omissions as the work progresses.Second, the advisor gains much insight into the problems to be faced. Third, the addicted personbecomes used to discussing his darker side with his advisor which will make the coming Fifth Stepfar more productive.THE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory This Third part of the inventory is crucial. This is a tool or technique which will be used bythe addicted person for the rest of his life. The fears which will be the subject of this part are notthe fears arising from the immediate threat of physical harm. The `fight or flight" syndrome is notwhat is addressed here. The fears which have destroyed the addicted person's natural instinctsand bid fair to destroy his life are the fears of future harm, loss, embarrassment, rejection ordeprivation. These fears are occasioned by his perception of a threat rather than by theimminence of physical harm. These fears are, therefore, products of his mind. They have noreality since they deal with something in the future which might or might not happen. Because theyare products of his mind, he has no power over them. He cannot be free of them himself. There isno human solution to these fears and he must have God's help to be free of them. Fear has warped and perverted the addicted person's natural instincts for sex, security andsociety so that they no longer function as God intended them. Fear has literally made him insane;that is, his mind no longer functions normally. Fear has blocked him from God and is the chiefculprit in his spiritual bankruptcy. Fear triggers violent or irrational actions. It leads to dishonestyand anger and is the principal cause of selfishness and self-centered actions. Since the spirituallybankrupt person has little or no faith, fear has him in a strangle hold. This is true no matter whatthe religious convictions of the person may be. So it is clear that the ultimate answer to fear is thegrowth of an abiding faith, but this will not occur for most people until their fears are reduced orThe Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory) cont.removed. Since only God can remove the fear, by its very removal the addicted person will find hisfaith begin to grow; he will come to believe that he can in fact trust God! It is therefore imperativethat he turn to God for the solution to his fears. Here, the advisor will be of enormous value, sincehe will urge and help the person to turn to God in prayer for relief from fear. This Step requiresthat the addicted person first: 13. recognize and write down his fears and 14. what has caused them before he appeals to God for help. There is great spiritual value in going to God after havingbecome completely honest about the problem and defining it clearly. The willingness and effort tobe searchingly honest with himself opens the door to spiritual relief for a spiritual problem. Hemust, therefore, make a list of his fears and the cause of those fears. The advisor should suggesta list of fears which are common among all people and instruct the addicted person to carefullyconsider if any of them apply to him. He should also be instructed to add to the list any other fearsand the cause of those fears. The most common fears are ten in number. • Losing what he has • Of not getting what he wants or needs • Rejection • Economic insecurity • Fear of failure • Fear of death • Seventh, fear of God's punishment • Fear of drinking or drugging • Fear of being found out for what he really is • Fear of the consequences of his previous actions Once this list is complete, the advisor must have the addicted person: 15. Admit and thoroughly discuss all of these fears and then 16. Instruct him to turn to God for the solution. A suggested prayer to be used for this purpose is as follows: "God, these are my fears. (He should tell all his fears to God) I am powerless over thesefears. I cannot get rid of them myself. I need Your help. God, please remove these fears from meand show me what You would have me be." When he has inventoried his fears and admitted them to his advisor and asked God forhelp, his fears will immediately begin to fall away from him. This process can be reduced to aformula: Fears, recognized and written down, admitted to another, and turned over to God equalNO FEAR! The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsSEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) This part of the inventory addresses itself to the primary defects of dishonesty andselfishness and to the wrongs that the addicted person has done to those with whom he has hadsuch a relationship. This, again, is a vital part of the inventory for it considers one of the mostdifficult areas in any human life; the management of the sex instinct. This instinct is so powerful inmost people that they may literally be ruled by it. Certainly, experience shows that even thosewhose behavior continues to be moral and in accordance with God's commandments will havesuffered significantly from the power of this instinct. That it is good and God-given cannot bedenied. That the continuance of the human race depends upon it is clear. Nevertheless, themisuse of this instinct causes havoc with humans and the addicted person is no exception. Themost pertinent question is whether the use of the sex powers is selfish or not. Of almost equalimportance is whether the power was used dishonestly. Then there are the moral questions ofbroken commitments, violations of God's laws, great harm done to others, infidelity, adultery,promiscuity, and incest. Some or most of these elements will be present in every addictedperson's past life. In addition, the wrongful acts of the addicted person will have created greatguilt, remorse and shame. The advisor will find that he is firmly blocked off from God as a resultAnd must understand that only a spiritual solution will solve this problem. The sex inventory istaken by first: 17. Listing all of the people with whom the addicted person has had sexual relations during his lifetime. Brief encounters may be lumped together since they will tend to have the samecharacteristics, but all longer lasting relationships must be listed by the name or by otheridentifying notations. Once this is done, 18. The person must answer five questions about each person or group of persons on the list: • Was I dishonest? • Was I selfish? • Did I arouse suspicion • Did I arouse jealousy • Did I arouse bitterness? • Did I cause harm? • What should I have done instead? The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors SEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) cont. When these questions have been answered: 19. The advisor should review the answers and discuss them thoroughly with the addicted person. Of primary importance are the evidences of: • Selfishness and • Dishonesty and • The nature of the harm done others. It is wise to refrain from expressions of moral outrage at this point, leaving the judgment toGod. The addicted person is then instructed to: 20. Write out an ideal for how he believes he should conduct himself in his future sex relationships. 21. He must pray, asking God to inspire him and to guide him in this endeavor. It is obvious that certain things in his past conduct must be changed radically; selfishnessand dishonesty must not be any part of his future relationships. In addition, he must never againdoing anything deliberately to harm another person. Of prime importance is that he try to reflectGod's love, patience and understanding and to live his life in accordance with God's will andcommandments. Whatever his ideal turns out to be, he must ask God for the power to live up tothat ideal and he should keep this written ideal with him and refer to it constantly. He must beWilling to turn to God in all of his relationships, seeking God's will in each case. He must surrenderhis sex instincts to the will of God without reservation. This is very difficult to do and the supportand encouragement of the spiritual advisor is essential. A sane and moral future sex life will be theresult. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsCONCLUDING THE INVENTORY Two things remain to be accomplished to conclude the Fourth Step inventory. The firstthing is to: 22. Prepare a list of all the people the addicted person has harmed by his conduct as revealed by his inventory. This list of people is the list which will be used in the Eighth Step and to whom amends mustbe made in the Ninth Step. Repentance requires the action of setting matters right in order to beeffective. It is only through making amends that he will be set free from the guilt, remorse andshame which block him from God. The last thing to be done is a : 23. List of the addicted person's character defects. This is the list which will be used as the basis of the Fifth Ste# which follows immediately.This list should include resentments, dishonesty, selfishness and fear and may include such otherobjectionable traits as pride, ego, procrastination, sloth, bad temper, coveting, jealousy,intemperance, immorality, sinful behavior, defiance, rebellion and criminal behavior. Once havingcompleted this list, the addicted person has completed his Fourth Step and is ready to take hisFifth Step.AN ADDENDUM TO THE TWELVE STEP GUIDE FOR SPIRITUAL ADVISORS AND SPONSORSBY Jim B. (Less)
Channel: youtube Rate it: Rate:
9, 06:17, 2008-04-22 09:22:46 Description: The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit which are the result (More) The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit which are the result of overwhelming fear working on the naturalinstincts. It will also uncover the wrongdoing and faults of the addicted person and will identify thepeople he has hurt by his actions. Experience has shown that, in most cases, nothing but a writteninventory will suffice. The advisor needs to know that the addicted person cannot or will not fullyreveal himself until he is required to reduce his self-examination to writing. Denial is the hallmarkof all addictions and he has been hiding from the truth about himself for years. He has become anexpert dissembler, has well-established rationalizations for his behavior and in many cases hasbeen carefully indoctrinated with the excuses which allow him to refuse to take personalresponsibility for the desperate straits into which he has fallen. This Step will also begin theprocess of God-reliance without which the addicted person is helpless. While working the Fourth Step, the addicted person will take several "leaps of faith" whichwill demonstrate the power and trust-worthiness of God when He is called upon. When theaddicted person worked his Third Step, he made a decision to turn his life and will over to thepower of God, but this Step will have no permanent effect unless he immediately takes the actionnecessary to find and be rid of the things in himself which are blocking him off from God. He mustnow put his decision into action and that action begins with the Fourth Step. By working the FourthStep, he will be enabled to identify all of the blocks, all of the insanity, all of the sin, all of the guilt,remorse and shame, and all of the twists of character which have kept him in a state of spiritualbankruptcy. For the first time in his life he will have become entirely honest with himself about allof those things he has carefully hidden from the world, even from his closest and most trustedfriends, relatives and advisors. The Fourth Step has several immediate positive results for the addicted person if he followsthe directions contained in this work. First, he will be relieved of his resentments. Second, he willbegin to lose his fears. Third, he will have an ideal for his future relationship life. Fourth, he willhave a list of all the people he has harmed by his conduct. Fifth, he will have a list of all of hisdefects of character (sins and mental twists) which block him from his God. The defects of character which the Fourth Step addresses are resentment (anger),selfishness, dishonesty and fear. Included in these defects are pride, coveting, jealousy, sloth,egoism, and procrastination. The addicted person will become aware, as he writes his inventory,of all of these problem areas. The problem of resentment and anger is addressed in the first partof the inventory and the problems of dishonesty, selfishness and fear are disclosed in the followingthree parts. In order to accomplish all of this, the addicted person will first inventory hisresentments and then use the spiritual remedy to be set free of them. He will then inventory hisown faults (sins) and look at the people he has harmed. Next, he will list his fears and begin to beset free from those fears. Finally, he will inventory his relationships of a sexual nature, lookingespecially at his selfishness and dishonesty. He will identify the people he has harmed in thoserelationships and will craft an ideal for his future relationship life, paying special attention to hisselfish conduct and selfish motives.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) It is well said that resentments are killers. They dominate our lives, block us from the graceof God, make our lives miserable, lead to thoughts and actions of revenge and consume ourthoughts. If he is to live, the addicted person must be freed from his resentments. The advisormust understand that the addicted person cannot free himself; he has to have God's help! Sincemost resentments are not overt, but, in fact, are lurking somewhere in the subconscious, they haveto be dug out. The addicted person is likely to be in full denial of many of the worst resentments.He may blame himself for the harm that was done to him. He may have pushed the resentmentsdeep inside because they are too painful to think about. Resentments of parents and closerelatives upon whom he depended as a child may be especially difficult to admit or even recognize.The idea of assigning blame or harmful conduct to those whom society has told him he must honorand tolerate may be anathema. He will feel threatened by being asked to catalogue their wrongs.Nevertheless, a full and complete exposition of the wrongs done him is essential to the applicationof a spiritual remedy; to the invoking of God's help to be freed of his anger and resentment. It isalso necessary to give the addicted person a tool to use which will aid him in identifying the peoplewho have wronged him and to make it easy to write about their actions. In addition, there are anumber of words which need to be defined in order to understand the directions for taking a FourthStep inventory. The advisor will want to start the addicted person off with helpful but non-threatening workto do and will want to start him writing without running headlong into his fears and objections.Therefore, the first task is: 1. Look up and write down the dictionary definitions of certain key words. Once this isdone, the advisor will go over the definitions with the person and point out how these words areused in the Fourth Step and how he will apply them in writing his inventory. These words are: • "Inventory" • "Resentment" • "Anger" • "Fear" • "Self-esteem" • "Relationships" (includes both personal and sex relations) • "Security" • "Ambitions" • "Wrongs" • "Domination"The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont.Next, the addicted person should be instructed to: 2. Make a list of all of the important or significant people in his life: • Family • Lovers • Teachers • Employers • Spouses • Children • Judges • Work-mates • Bosses • In-laws • And all who touched his life in any significant way This list is important because it sends the person back through his life and jogs his memory and because included in this list will be his major resentments. This way, he will not miss anyone he should include. When the significant person's list is completed,the advisor will then: 3. Give the addicted person a list of questions which must be asked about each personon his list. The answers to these questions will identify the people who must be included in theresentment list. The answers will also indicate what the addicted person must write about withrespect to the actions of the people he resents. These questions are: • Did this person harm me in any way? • Did this person threaten me in any way? • Did this person wrong me in any way? • Did this person make me angry at any time? • Was this person unfair to me in any way? If the answer is "yes" to any one or more of these question, then that person must be included in the resentment list. To write the list, it is only necessary to: 4. Write down the name of the person andDescribe in detail what that person did which: • Wronged • Harmed • Angered • Threatened and/or • Was unfair to him.The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont. This is done without reference to any wrongs the addicted person may have done to thaperson. It is vital that the wrongs of others stand out in clear detail without amelioration or excuseof any kind. Once the wrongs of others are detailed, the person must then: 6. Write down which of his natural instincts for: • Sex • Security or • Society Were harmed or threatened by the wrongful conduct. He must also be aware and writedown that the wrongs of others were always accompanied by fear; that every resentment is aproduct of fear. We are never angry unless we are threatened in some way. Thus, fear is theprimary trigger for anger and resentment! When the resentment list is completed: 7. The addicted person and the advisor must review it thoroughly. 8. The advisor should point out how destructive and dangerous these resentments are to him and how powerless he is over them. He should know that anger is a deadly poison to him and that since the anger is triggered byfear, he should be able to see that freedom from fear is the ultimate answer to the recurrence ofresentments. In the final analysis, freedom from fear is the product of an abiding faith. At thispoint: 9. The advisor should instruct the addicted person in the spiritual remedy forresentments: • First, it is important to know that the people who harmed him are very probably spiritually sick and that he should view them as sick people. • Second, he must understand that in order to be freed from his resentments, he must be willing to forgive the wrongs that were done him. If he is not willing to forgive, he should pray for the willingness until it comes. He clearlyknows the wrongs he is forgiving, because he has fully and honestly inventoried them withoutdilution of any kind. Therefore, his forgiveness will be fully effective. • Third, he must now pray for each of the people on his list, asking God to give them everything he would want for himself and asking that his anger be removed and that God show him how to be helpful to each of them. When these things are done, his resentments will disappear; he will be freed of this mostdamaging mental aberration.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) This second part of the inventory is designed to uncover the addicted person's defects ofcharacter: • Selfishness • Dishonesty • FearAnd to clearly define his wrongs. He will see how his: • Attitudes • Motives and • Actionshave caused serious harm to other people. He will begin to compile his Eighth Step amends list ofpeople he has harmed. This inventory is not designed or intended to indict or condemn the person,but, rather, to demonstrate to him how his actions have been the cause of his failures in life; howhe must accept responsibility for the results. He is the author of his own misery! God did not do it!The choices he has made, the wrongs he has deliberately committed, his defiance of God's lawsand the violations of his own sense of right and wrong have been the operative causes of hisspiritual bankruptcy. He will see how he has violated the basic rights of other people and how theyretaliated. He will come to understand clearly that, but for his own actions, motivations andattitudes, his life would have been entirely different. He is not the victim. He is the progenitor ofhis own difficulties. The advisor will take a kindly and tolerant view of these deficiencies, sinceharsh criticism or judgments will be entirely counter-productive at this point. To work this second part, the addicted person must answer certain specific questionsconcerning his actions, motivations and attitudes as those relate to his relations with the people onhis resentments list. To accomplish this, he will refer to the list again and put out of his mind thewrongs that the people on the list have done him. He will then look honestly and thoroughly at his own wrongs without reference to what wasdone to him. As to each person on his resentments list, he must: 10. Answer five specific questions. • Where was I dishonest with this person? • Where was I selfish with this person? • Where was I self-centered with this person? • Where did I act with fright? • Did I harm this person in any way by my actions?The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) cont. 11. These questions must be answered with a narrative description of his • actions • motivations and • attitudes. He will, therefore, clearly delineate the defects of dishonesty, selfishness and fearfulresponse. He will begin to see how destructive these defects are to him personally and to thosewith whom he has contact. He will continue to answer these questions with respect to everyone onhis resentment list. When this part of the inventory is complete: 1 12. The advisor should review it with the addicted person, pointing out the defects (dishonesty, selfishness & fear) and the way these have ruined his life and blocked him from God. One important aspect of the advisor's work is the continuous monitoring of the inventory inprogress. First, this permits the advisor to correct mistakes or omissions as the work progresses.Second, the advisor gains much insight into the problems to be faced. Third, the addicted personbecomes used to discussing his darker side with his advisor which will make the coming Fifth Stepfar more productive.THE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory This Third part of the inventory is crucial. This is a tool or technique which will be used bythe addicted person for the rest of his life. The fears which will be the subject of this part are notthe fears arising from the immediate threat of physical harm. The `fight or flight" syndrome is notwhat is addressed here. The fears which have destroyed the addicted person's natural instinctsand bid fair to destroy his life are the fears of future harm, loss, embarrassment, rejection ordeprivation. These fears are occasioned by his perception of a threat rather than by theimminence of physical harm. These fears are, therefore, products of his mind. They have noreality since they deal with something in the future which might or might not happen. Because theyare products of his mind, he has no power over them. He cannot be free of them himself. There isno human solution to these fears and he must have God's help to be free of them. Fear has warped and perverted the addicted person's natural instincts for sex, security andsociety so that they no longer function as God intended them. Fear has literally made him insane;that is, his mind no longer functions normally. Fear has blocked him from God and is the chiefculprit in his spiritual bankruptcy. Fear triggers violent or irrational actions. It leads to dishonestyand anger and is the principal cause of selfishness and self-centered actions. Since the spirituallybankrupt person has little or no faith, fear has him in a strangle hold. This is true no matter whatthe religious convictions of the person may be. So it is clear that the ultimate answer to fear is thegrowth of an abiding faith, but this will not occur for most people until their fears are reduced orThe Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory) cont.removed. Since only God can remove the fear, by its very removal the addicted person will find hisfaith begin to grow; he will come to believe that he can in fact trust God! It is therefore imperativethat he turn to God for the solution to his fears. Here, the advisor will be of enormous value, sincehe will urge and help the person to turn to God in prayer for relief from fear. This Step requiresthat the addicted person first: 13. recognize and write down his fears and 14. what has caused them before he appeals to God for help. There is great spiritual value in going to God after havingbecome completely honest about the problem and defining it clearly. The willingness and effort tobe searchingly honest with himself opens the door to spiritual relief for a spiritual problem. Hemust, therefore, make a list of his fears and the cause of those fears. The advisor should suggesta list of fears which are common among all people and instruct the addicted person to carefullyconsider if any of them apply to him. He should also be instructed to add to the list any other fearsand the cause of those fears. The most common fears are ten in number. • Losing what he has • Of not getting what he wants or needs • Rejection • Economic insecurity • Fear of failure • Fear of death • Seventh, fear of God's punishment • Fear of drinking or drugging • Fear of being found out for what he really is • Fear of the consequences of his previous actions Once this list is complete, the advisor must have the addicted person: 15. Admit and thoroughly discuss all of these fears and then 16. Instruct him to turn to God for the solution. A suggested prayer to be used for this purpose is as follows: "God, these are my fears. (He should tell all his fears to God) I am powerless over thesefears. I cannot get rid of them myself. I need Your help. God, please remove these fears from meand show me what You would have me be." When he has inventoried his fears and admitted them to his advisor and asked God forhelp, his fears will immediately begin to fall away from him. This process can be reduced to aformula: Fears, recognized and written down, admitted to another, and turned over to God equalNO FEAR! The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsSEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) This part of the inventory addresses itself to the primary defects of dishonesty andselfishness and to the wrongs that the addicted person has done to those with whom he has hadsuch a relationship. This, again, is a vital part of the inventory for it considers one of the mostdifficult areas in any human life; the management of the sex instinct. This instinct is so powerful inmost people that they may literally be ruled by it. Certainly, experience shows that even thosewhose behavior continues to be moral and in accordance with God's commandments will havesuffered significantly from the power of this instinct. That it is good and God-given cannot bedenied. That the continuance of the human race depends upon it is clear. Nevertheless, themisuse of this instinct causes havoc with humans and the addicted person is no exception. Themost pertinent question is whether the use of the sex powers is selfish or not. Of almost equalimportance is whether the power was used dishonestly. Then there are the moral questions ofbroken commitments, violations of God's laws, great harm done to others, infidelity, adultery,promiscuity, and incest. Some or most of these elements will be present in every addictedperson's past life. In addition, the wrongful acts of the addicted person will have created greatguilt, remorse and shame. The advisor will find that he is firmly blocked off from God as a resultAnd must understand that only a spiritual solution will solve this problem. The sex inventory istaken by first: 17. Listing all of the people with whom the addicted person has had sexual relations during his lifetime. Brief encounters may be lumped together since they will tend to have the samecharacteristics, but all longer lasting relationships must be listed by the name or by otheridentifying notations. Once this is done, 18. The person must answer five questions about each person or group of persons on the list: • Was I dishonest? • Was I selfish? • Did I arouse suspicion • Did I arouse jealousy • Did I arouse bitterness? • Did I cause harm? • What should I have done instead? The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors SEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) cont. When these questions have been answered: 19. The advisor should review the answers and discuss them thoroughly with the addicted person. Of primary importance are the evidences of: • Selfishness and • Dishonesty and • The nature of the harm done others. It is wise to refrain from expressions of moral outrage at this point, leaving the judgment toGod. The addicted person is then instructed to: 20. Write out an ideal for how he believes he should conduct himself in his future sex relationships. 21. He must pray, asking God to inspire him and to guide him in this endeavor. It is obvious that certain things in his past conduct must be changed radically; selfishnessand dishonesty must not be any part of his future relationships. In addition, he must never againdoing anything deliberately to harm another person. Of prime importance is that he try to reflectGod's love, patience and understanding and to live his life in accordance with God's will andcommandments. Whatever his ideal turns out to be, he must ask God for the power to live up tothat ideal and he should keep this written ideal with him and refer to it constantly. He must beWilling to turn to God in all of his relationships, seeking God's will in each case. He must surrenderhis sex instincts to the will of God without reservation. This is very difficult to do and the supportand encouragement of the spiritual advisor is essential. A sane and moral future sex life will be theresult. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsCONCLUDING THE INVENTORY Two things remain to be accomplished to conclude the Fourth Step inventory. The firstthing is to: 22. Prepare a list of all the people the addicted person has harmed by his conduct as revealed by his inventory. This list of people is the list which will be used in the Eighth Step and to whom amends mustbe made in the Ninth Step. Repentance requires the action of setting matters right in order to beeffective. It is only through making amends that he will be set free from the guilt, remorse andshame which block him from God. The last thing to be done is a : 23. List of the addicted person's character defects. This is the list which will be used as the basis of the Fifth Ste# which follows immediately.This list should include resentments, dishonesty, selfishness and fear and may include such otherobjectionable traits as pride, ego, procrastination, sloth, bad temper, coveting, jealousy,intemperance, immorality, sinful behavior, defiance, rebellion and criminal behavior. Once havingcompleted this list, the addicted person has completed his Fourth Step and is ready to take hisFifth Step.AN ADDENDUM TO THE TWELVE STEP GUIDE FOR SPIRITUAL ADVISORS AND SPONSORSBY Jim B. (Less)
Channel: youtube Rate it: Rate:
14, 05:59, 2008-04-22 09:22:46 Description: The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit which are the result (More) The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit which are the result of overwhelming fear working on the naturalinstincts. It will also uncover the wrongdoing and faults of the addicted person and will identify thepeople he has hurt by his actions. Experience has shown that, in most cases, nothing but a writteninventory will suffice. The advisor needs to know that the addicted person cannot or will not fullyreveal himself until he is required to reduce his self-examination to writing. Denial is the hallmarkof all addictions and he has been hiding from the truth about himself for years. He has become anexpert dissembler, has well-established rationalizations for his behavior and in many cases hasbeen carefully indoctrinated with the excuses which allow him to refuse to take personalresponsibility for the desperate straits into which he has fallen. This Step will also begin theprocess of God-reliance without which the addicted person is helpless. While working the Fourth Step, the addicted person will take several "leaps of faith" whichwill demonstrate the power and trust-worthiness of God when He is called upon. When theaddicted person worked his Third Step, he made a decision to turn his life and will over to thepower of God, but this Step will have no permanent effect unless he immediately takes the actionnecessary to find and be rid of the things in himself which are blocking him off from God. He mustnow put his decision into action and that action begins with the Fourth Step. By working the FourthStep, he will be enabled to identify all of the blocks, all of the insanity, all of the sin, all of the guilt,remorse and shame, and all of the twists of character which have kept him in a state of spiritualbankruptcy. For the first time in his life he will have become entirely honest with himself about allof those things he has carefully hidden from the world, even from his closest and most trustedfriends, relatives and advisors. The Fourth Step has several immediate positive results for the addicted person if he followsthe directions contained in this work. First, he will be relieved of his resentments. Second, he willbegin to lose his fears. Third, he will have an ideal for his future relationship life. Fourth, he willhave a list of all the people he has harmed by his conduct. Fifth, he will have a list of all of hisdefects of character (sins and mental twists) which block him from his God. The defects of character which the Fourth Step addresses are resentment (anger),selfishness, dishonesty and fear. Included in these defects are pride, coveting, jealousy, sloth,egoism, and procrastination. The addicted person will become aware, as he writes his inventory,of all of these problem areas. The problem of resentment and anger is addressed in the first partof the inventory and the problems of dishonesty, selfishness and fear are disclosed in the followingthree parts. In order to accomplish all of this, the addicted person will first inventory hisresentments and then use the spiritual remedy to be set free of them. He will then inventory hisown faults (sins) and look at the people he has harmed. Next, he will list his fears and begin to beset free from those fears. Finally, he will inventory his relationships of a sexual nature, lookingespecially at his selfishness and dishonesty. He will identify the people he has harmed in thoserelationships and will craft an ideal for his future relationship life, paying special attention to hisselfish conduct and selfish motives.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) It is well said that resentments are killers. They dominate our lives, block us from the graceof God, make our lives miserable, lead to thoughts and actions of revenge and consume ourthoughts. If he is to live, the addicted person must be freed from his resentments. The advisormust understand that the addicted person cannot free himself; he has to have God's help! Sincemost resentments are not overt, but, in fact, are lurking somewhere in the subconscious, they haveto be dug out. The addicted person is likely to be in full denial of many of the worst resentments.He may blame himself for the harm that was done to him. He may have pushed the resentmentsdeep inside because they are too painful to think about. Resentments of parents and closerelatives upon whom he depended as a child may be especially difficult to admit or even recognize.The idea of assigning blame or harmful conduct to those whom society has told him he must honorand tolerate may be anathema. He will feel threatened by being asked to catalogue their wrongs.Nevertheless, a full and complete exposition of the wrongs done him is essential to the applicationof a spiritual remedy; to the invoking of God's help to be freed of his anger and resentment. It isalso necessary to give the addicted person a tool to use which will aid him in identifying the peoplewho have wronged him and to make it easy to write about their actions. In addition, there are anumber of words which need to be defined in order to understand the directions for taking a FourthStep inventory. The advisor will want to start the addicted person off with helpful but non-threatening workto do and will want to start him writing without running headlong into his fears and objections.Therefore, the first task is: 1. Look up and write down the dictionary definitions of certain key words. Once this isdone, the advisor will go over the definitions with the person and point out how these words areused in the Fourth Step and how he will apply them in writing his inventory. These words are: • "Inventory" • "Resentment" • "Anger" • "Fear" • "Self-esteem" • "Relationships" (includes both personal and sex relations) • "Security" • "Ambitions" • "Wrongs" • "Domination"The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont.Next, the addicted person should be instructed to: 2. Make a list of all of the important or significant people in his life: • Family • Lovers • Teachers • Employers • Spouses • Children • Judges • Work-mates • Bosses • In-laws • And all who touched his life in any significant way This list is important because it sends the person back through his life and jogs his memory and because included in this list will be his major resentments. This way, he will not miss anyone he should include. When the significant person's list is completed,the advisor will then: 3. Give the addicted person a list of questions which must be asked about each personon his list. The answers to these questions will identify the people who must be included in theresentment list. The answers will also indicate what the addicted person must write about withrespect to the actions of the people he resents. These questions are: • Did this person harm me in any way? • Did this person threaten me in any way? • Did this person wrong me in any way? • Did this person make me angry at any time? • Was this person unfair to me in any way? If the answer is "yes" to any one or more of these question, then that person must be included in the resentment list. To write the list, it is only necessary to: 4. Write down the name of the person andDescribe in detail what that person did which: • Wronged • Harmed • Angered • Threatened and/or • Was unfair to him.The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont. This is done without reference to any wrongs the addicted person may have done to thaperson. It is vital that the wrongs of others stand out in clear detail without amelioration or excuseof any kind. Once the wrongs of others are detailed, the person must then: 6. Write down which of his natural instincts for: • Sex • Security or • Society Were harmed or threatened by the wrongful conduct. He must also be aware and writedown that the wrongs of others were always accompanied by fear; that every resentment is aproduct of fear. We are never angry unless we are threatened in some way. Thus, fear is theprimary trigger for anger and resentment! When the resentment list is completed: 7. The addicted person and the advisor must review it thoroughly. 8. The advisor should point out how destructive and dangerous these resentments are to him and how powerless he is over them. He should know that anger is a deadly poison to him and that since the anger is triggered byfear, he should be able to see that freedom from fear is the ultimate answer to the recurrence ofresentments. In the final analysis, freedom from fear is the product of an abiding faith. At thispoint: 9. The advisor should instruct the addicted person in the spiritual remedy forresentments: • First, it is important to know that the people who harmed him are very probably spiritually sick and that he should view them as sick people. • Second, he must understand that in order to be freed from his resentments, he must be willing to forgive the wrongs that were done him. If he is not willing to forgive, he should pray for the willingness until it comes. He clearlyknows the wrongs he is forgiving, because he has fully and honestly inventoried them withoutdilution of any kind. Therefore, his forgiveness will be fully effective. • Third, he must now pray for each of the people on his list, asking God to give them everything he would want for himself and asking that his anger be removed and that God show him how to be helpful to each of them. When these things are done, his resentments will disappear; he will be freed of this mostdamaging mental aberration.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) This second part of the inventory is designed to uncover the addicted person's defects ofcharacter: • Selfishness • Dishonesty • FearAnd to clearly define his wrongs. He will see how his: • Attitudes • Motives and • Actionshave caused serious harm to other people. He will begin to compile his Eighth Step amends list ofpeople he has harmed. This inventory is not designed or intended to indict or condemn the person,but, rather, to demonstrate to him how his actions have been the cause of his failures in life; howhe must accept responsibility for the results. He is the author of his own misery! God did not do it!The choices he has made, the wrongs he has deliberately committed, his defiance of God's lawsand the violations of his own sense of right and wrong have been the operative causes of hisspiritual bankruptcy. He will see how he has violated the basic rights of other people and how theyretaliated. He will come to understand clearly that, but for his own actions, motivations andattitudes, his life would have been entirely different. He is not the victim. He is the progenitor ofhis own difficulties. The advisor will take a kindly and tolerant view of these deficiencies, sinceharsh criticism or judgments will be entirely counter-productive at this point. To work this second part, the addicted person must answer certain specific questionsconcerning his actions, motivations and attitudes as those relate to his relations with the people onhis resentments list. To accomplish this, he will refer to the list again and put out of his mind thewrongs that the people on the list have done him. He will then look honestly and thoroughly at his own wrongs without reference to what wasdone to him. As to each person on his resentments list, he must: 10. Answer five specific questions. • Where was I dishonest with this person? • Where was I selfish with this person? • Where was I self-centered with this person? • Where did I act with fright? • Did I harm this person in any way by my actions?The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) cont. 11. These questions must be answered with a narrative description of his • actions • motivations and • attitudes. He will, therefore, clearly delineate the defects of dishonesty, selfishness and fearfulresponse. He will begin to see how destructive these defects are to him personally and to thosewith whom he has contact. He will continue to answer these questions with respect to everyone onhis resentment list. When this part of the inventory is complete: 1 12. The advisor should review it with the addicted person, pointing out the defects (dishonesty, selfishness & fear) and the way these have ruined his life and blocked him from God. One important aspect of the advisor's work is the continuous monitoring of the inventory inprogress. First, this permits the advisor to correct mistakes or omissions as the work progresses.Second, the advisor gains much insight into the problems to be faced. Third, the addicted personbecomes used to discussing his darker side with his advisor which will make the coming Fifth Stepfar more productive.THE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory This Third part of the inventory is crucial. This is a tool or technique which will be used bythe addicted person for the rest of his life. The fears which will be the subject of this part are notthe fears arising from the immediate threat of physical harm. The `fight or flight" syndrome is notwhat is addressed here. The fears which have destroyed the addicted person's natural instinctsand bid fair to destroy his life are the fears of future harm, loss, embarrassment, rejection ordeprivation. These fears are occasioned by his perception of a threat rather than by theimminence of physical harm. These fears are, therefore, products of his mind. They have noreality since they deal with something in the future which might or might not happen. Because theyare products of his mind, he has no power over them. He cannot be free of them himself. There isno human solution to these fears and he must have God's help to be free of them. Fear has warped and perverted the addicted person's natural instincts for sex, security andsociety so that they no longer function as God intended them. Fear has literally made him insane;that is, his mind no longer functions normally. Fear has blocked him from God and is the chiefculprit in his spiritual bankruptcy. Fear triggers violent or irrational actions. It leads to dishonestyand anger and is the principal cause of selfishness and self-centered actions. Since the spirituallybankrupt person has little or no faith, fear has him in a strangle hold. This is true no matter whatthe religious convictions of the person may be. So it is clear that the ultimate answer to fear is thegrowth of an abiding faith, but this will not occur for most people until their fears are reduced orThe Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory) cont.removed. Since only God can remove the fear, by its very removal the addicted person will find hisfaith begin to grow; he will come to believe that he can in fact trust God! It is therefore imperativethat he turn to God for the solution to his fears. Here, the advisor will be of enormous value, sincehe will urge and help the person to turn to God in prayer for relief from fear. This Step requiresthat the addicted person first: 13. recognize and write down his fears and 14. what has caused them before he appeals to God for help. There is great spiritual value in going to God after havingbecome completely honest about the problem and defining it clearly. The willingness and effort tobe searchingly honest with himself opens the door to spiritual relief for a spiritual problem. Hemust, therefore, make a list of his fears and the cause of those fears. The advisor should suggesta list of fears which are common among all people and instruct the addicted person to carefullyconsider if any of them apply to him. He should also be instructed to add to the list any other fearsand the cause of those fears. The most common fears are ten in number. • Losing what he has • Of not getting what he wants or needs • Rejection • Economic insecurity • Fear of failure • Fear of death • Seventh, fear of God's punishment • Fear of drinking or drugging • Fear of being found out for what he really is • Fear of the consequences of his previous actions Once this list is complete, the advisor must have the addicted person: 15. Admit and thoroughly discuss all of these fears and then 16. Instruct him to turn to God for the solution. A suggested prayer to be used for this purpose is as follows: "God, these are my fears. (He should tell all his fears to God) I am powerless over thesefears. I cannot get rid of them myself. I need Your help. God, please remove these fears from meand show me what You would have me be." When he has inventoried his fears and admitted them to his advisor and asked God forhelp, his fears will immediately begin to fall away from him. This process can be reduced to aformula: Fears, recognized and written down, admitted to another, and turned over to God equalNO FEAR! The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsSEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) This part of the inventory addresses itself to the primary defects of dishonesty andselfishness and to the wrongs that the addicted person has done to those with whom he has hadsuch a relationship. This, again, is a vital part of the inventory for it considers one of the mostdifficult areas in any human life; the management of the sex instinct. This instinct is so powerful inmost people that they may literally be ruled by it. Certainly, experience shows that even thosewhose behavior continues to be moral and in accordance with God's commandments will havesuffered significantly from the power of this instinct. That it is good and God-given cannot bedenied. That the continuance of the human race depends upon it is clear. Nevertheless, themisuse of this instinct causes havoc with humans and the addicted person is no exception. Themost pertinent question is whether the use of the sex powers is selfish or not. Of almost equalimportance is whether the power was used dishonestly. Then there are the moral questions ofbroken commitments, violations of God's laws, great harm done to others, infidelity, adultery,promiscuity, and incest. Some or most of these elements will be present in every addictedperson's past life. In addition, the wrongful acts of the addicted person will have created greatguilt, remorse and shame. The advisor will find that he is firmly blocked off from God as a resultAnd must understand that only a spiritual solution will solve this problem. The sex inventory istaken by first: 17. Listing all of the people with whom the addicted person has had sexual relations during his lifetime. Brief encounters may be lumped together since they will tend to have the samecharacteristics, but all longer lasting relationships must be listed by the name or by otheridentifying notations. Once this is done, 18. The person must answer five questions about each person or group of persons on the list: • Was I dishonest? • Was I selfish? • Did I arouse suspicion • Did I arouse jealousy • Did I arouse bitterness? • Did I cause harm? • What should I have done instead? The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors SEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) cont. When these questions have been answered: 19. The advisor should review the answers and discuss them thoroughly with the addicted person. Of primary importance are the evidences of: • Selfishness and • Dishonesty and • The nature of the harm done others. It is wise to refrain from expressions of moral outrage at this point, leaving the judgment toGod. The addicted person is then instructed to: 20. Write out an ideal for how he believes he should conduct himself in his future sex relationships. 21. He must pray, asking God to inspire him and to guide him in this endeavor. It is obvious that certain things in his past conduct must be changed radically; selfishnessand dishonesty must not be any part of his future relationships. In addition, he must never againdoing anything deliberately to harm another person. Of prime importance is that he try to reflectGod's love, patience and understanding and to live his life in accordance with God's will andcommandments. Whatever his ideal turns out to be, he must ask God for the power to live up tothat ideal and he should keep this written ideal with him and refer to it constantly. He must beWilling to turn to God in all of his relationships, seeking God's will in each case. He must surrenderhis sex instincts to the will of God without reservation. This is very difficult to do and the supportand encouragement of the spiritual advisor is essential. A sane and moral future sex life will be theresult. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsCONCLUDING THE INVENTORY Two things remain to be accomplished to conclude the Fourth Step inventory. The firstthing is to: 22. Prepare a list of all the people the addicted person has harmed by his conduct as revealed by his inventory. This list of people is the list which will be used in the Eighth Step and to whom amends mustbe made in the Ninth Step. Repentance requires the action of setting matters right in order to beeffective. It is only through making amends that he will be set free from the guilt, remorse andshame which block him from God. The last thing to be done is a : 23. List of the addicted person's character defects. This is the list which will be used as the basis of the Fifth Ste# which follows immediately.This list should include resentments, dishonesty, selfishness and fear and may include such otherobjectionable traits as pride, ego, procrastination, sloth, bad temper, coveting, jealousy,intemperance, immorality, sinful behavior, defiance, rebellion and criminal behavior. Once havingcompleted this list, the addicted person has completed his Fourth Step and is ready to take hisFifth Step.AN ADDENDUM TO THE TWELVE STEP GUIDE FOR SPIRITUAL ADVISORS AND SPONSORSBY Jim B. (Less)
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16, 09:59, 2008-04-22 09:22:46 Description: The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists and perversions of the mind and spirit which are the (More) The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists and perversions of the mind and spirit which are the result of overwhelming fear working on the natural instincts. It will also uncover the wrongdoing and faults of the addicted person and will identify the people he has hurt by his actions. Experience has shown that, in most cases, nothing but a written inventory will suffice. The advisor needs to know that the addicted person cannot or will not fully reveal himself until he is required to reduce his self-examination to writing. Denial is the hallmarkof all addictions and he has been hiding from the truth about himself for years. He has become anexpert dissembler, has well-established rationalizations for his behavior and in many cases has been carefully indoctrinated with the excuses which allow him to refuse to take personal responsibility for the desperate straits into which he has fallen. This Step will also begin theprocess of God-reliance without which the addicted person is helpless. While working the Fourth Step, the addicted person will take several "leaps of faith" whichwill demonstrate the power and trust-worthiness of God when He is called upon. When the addicted person worked his Third Step, he made a decision to turn his life and will over to the power of God, but this Step will have no permanent effect unless he immediately takes the action necessary to find and be rid of the things in himself which are blocking him off from God. He must now put his decision into action and that action begins with the Fourth Step. By working the Fourth Step, he will be enabled to identify all of the blocks, all of the insanity, all of the sin, all of the guilt,remorse and shame, and all of the twists of character which have kept him in a state of spiritual bankruptcy. For the first time in his life he will have become entirely honest with himself about all of those things he has carefully hidden from the world, even from his closest and most trusted friends, relatives and advisors. The Fourth Step has several immediate positive results for the addicted person if he followsthe directions contained in this work. First, he will be relieved of his resentments. Second, he willbegin to lose his fears. Third, he will have an ideal for his future relationship life. Fourth, he willhave a list of all the people he has harmed by his conduct. Fifth, he will have a list of all of his defects of character (sins and mental twists) which block him from his God. The defects of character which the Fourth Step addresses are resentment (anger),selfishness, dishonesty and fear. Included in these defects are pride, coveting, jealousy, sloth,egoism, and procrastination. The addicted person will become aware, as he writes his inventory,of all of these problem areas. The problem of resentment and anger is addressed in the first partof the inventory and the problems of dishonesty, selfishness and fear are disclosed in the following three parts. In order to accomplish all of this, the addicted person will first inventory his resentments and then use the spiritual remedy to be set free of them. He will then inventory his own faults (sins) and look at the people he has harmed. Next, he will list his fears and begin to be set free from those fears. Finally, he will inventory his relationships of a sexual nature, looking especially at his selfishness and dishonesty. He will identify the people he has harmed in those relationships and will craft an ideal for his future relationship life, paying special attention to his selfish conduct and selfish motives.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) It is well said that resentments are killers. They dominate our lives, block us from the graceof God, make our lives miserable, lead to thoughts and actions of revenge and consume our thoughts. If he is to live, the addicted person must be freed from his resentments. The advisormust understand that the addicted person cannot free himself; he has to have God's help! Sincemost resentments are not overt, but, in fact, are lurking somewhere in the subconscious, they haveto be dug out. The addicted person is likely to be in full denial of many of the worst resentments.He may blame himself for the harm that was done to him. He may have pushed the resentments deep inside because they are too painful to think about. Resentments of parents and close relatives upon whom he depended as a child may be especially difficult to admit or even recognize.The idea of assigning blame or harmful conduct to those whom society has told him he must honorand tolerate may be anathema. He will feel threatened by being asked to catalogue their wrongs.Nevertheless, a full and complete exposition of the wrongs done him is essential to the application of a spiritual remedy; to the invoking of God's help to be freed of his anger and resentment. It isalso necessary to give the addicted person a tool to use which will aid him in identifying the people who have wronged him and to make it easy to write about their actions. In addition, there are anumber of words which need to be defined in order to understand the directions for taking a FourthStep inventory. The advisor will want to start the addicted person off with helpful but non-threatening workto do and will want to start him writing without running headlong into his fears and objections.Therefore, the first task is: 1. Look up and write down the dictionary definitions of certain key words. Once this isdone, the advisor will go over the definitions with the person and point out how these words areused in the Fourth Step and how he will apply them in writing his inventory. These words are: • "Inventory" • "Resentment" • "Anger" • "Fear" • "Self-esteem" • "Relationships" (includes both personal and sex relations) • "Security" • "Ambitions" • "Wrongs" • "Domination"The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont.Next, the addicted person should be instructed to: 2. Make a list of all of the important or significant people in his life: • Family • Lovers • Teachers • Employers • Spouses • Children • Judges • Work-mates • Bosses • In-laws • And all who touched his life in any significant way This list is important because it sends the person back through his life and jogs his memory and because included in this list will be his major resentments. This way, he will not miss anyone he should include. When the significant person's list is completed,the advisor will then: 3. Give the addicted person a list of questions which must be asked about each personon his list. The answers to these questions will identify the people who must be included in theresentment list. The answers will also indicate what the addicted person must write about withrespect to the actions of the people he resents. These questions are: • Did this person harm me in any way? • Did this person threaten me in any way? • Did this person wrong me in any way? • Did this person make me angry at any time? • Was this person unfair to me in any way? If the answer is "yes" to any one or more of these question, then that person must be included in the resentment list. To write the list, it is only necessary to: 4. Write down the name of the person andDescribe in detail what that person did which: • Wronged • Harmed • Angered • Threatened and/or • Was unfair to him.The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont. This is done without reference to any wrongs the addicted person may have done to thaperson. It is vital that the wrongs of others stand out in clear detail without amelioration or excuseof any kind. Once the wrongs of others are detailed, the person must then: 6. Write down which of his natural instincts for: • Sex • Security or • Society Were harmed or threatened by the wrongful conduct. He must also be aware and writedown that the wrongs of others were always accompanied by fear; that every resentment is aproduct of fear. We are never angry unless we are threatened in some way. Thus, fear is theprimary trigger for anger and resentment! When the resentment list is completed: 7. The addicted person and the advisor must review it thoroughly. 8. The advisor should point out how destructive and dangerous these resentments are to him and how powerless he is over them. He should know that anger is a deadly poison to him and that since the anger is triggered byfear, he should be able to see that freedom from fear is the ultimate answer to the recurrence ofresentments. In the final analysis, freedom from fear is the product of an abiding faith. At thispoint: 9. The advisor should instruct the addicted person in the spiritual remedy forresentments: • First, it is important to know that the people who harmed him are very probably spiritually sick and that he should view them as sick people. • Second, he must understand that in order to be freed from his resentments, he must be willing to forgive the wrongs that were done him. If he is not willing to forgive, he should pray for the willingness until it comes. He clearlyknows the wrongs he is forgiving, because he has fully and honestly inventoried them withoutdilution of any kind. Therefore, his forgiveness will be fully effective. • Third, he must now pray for each of the people on his list, asking God to give them everything he would want for himself and asking that his anger be removed and that God show him how to be helpful to each of them. When these things are done, his resentments will disappear; he will be freed of this mostdamaging mental aberration.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) This second part of the inventory is designed to uncover the addicted person's defects ofcharacter: • Selfishness • Dishonesty • FearAnd to clearly define his wrongs. He will see how his: • Attitudes • Motives and • Actionshave caused serious harm to other people. He will begin to compile his Eighth Step amends list ofpeople he has harmed. This inventory is not designed or intended to indict or condemn the person,but, rather, to demonstrate to him how his actions have been the cause of his failures in life; howhe must accept responsibility for the results. He is the author of his own misery! God did not do it!The choices he has made, the wrongs he has deliberately committed, his defiance of God's lawsand the violations of his own sense of right and wrong have been the operative causes of hisspiritual bankruptcy. He will see how he has violated the basic rights of other people and how theyretaliated. He will come to understand clearly that, but for his own actions, motivations andattitudes, his life would have been entirely different. He is not the victim. He is the progenitor ofhis own difficulties. The advisor will take a kindly and tolerant view of these deficiencies, sinceharsh criticism or judgments will be entirely counter-productive at this point. To work this second part, the addicted person must answer certain specific questionsconcerning his actions, motivations and attitudes as those relate to his relations with the people onhis resentments list. To accomplish this, he will refer to the list again and put out of his mind thewrongs that the people on the list have done him. He will then look honestly and thoroughly at his own wrongs without reference to what wasdone to him. As to each person on his resentments list, he must: 10. Answer five specific questions. • Where was I dishonest with this person? • Where was I selfish with this person? • Where was I self-centered with this person? • Where did I act with fright? • Did I harm this person in any way by my actions?The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) cont. 11. These questions must be answered with a narrative description of his • actions • motivations and • attitudes. He will, therefore, clearly delineate the defects of dishonesty, selfishness and fearfulresponse. He will begin to see how destructive these defects are to him personally and to thosewith whom he has contact. He will continue to answer these questions with respect to everyone onhis resentment list. When this part of the inventory is complete: 1 12. The advisor should review it with the addicted person, pointing out the defects (dishonesty, selfishness & fear) and the way these have ruined his life and blocked him from God. One important aspect of the advisor's work is the continuous monitoring of the inventory inprogress. First, this permits the advisor to correct mistakes or omissions as the work progresses.Second, the advisor gains much insight into the problems to be faced. Third, the addicted personbecomes used to discussing his darker side with his advisor which will make the coming Fifth Stepfar more productive.THE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory This Third part of the inventory is crucial. This is a tool or technique which will be used bythe addicted person for the rest of his life. The fears which will be the subject of this part are notthe fears arising from the immediate threat of physical harm. The `fight or flight" syndrome is notwhat is addressed here. The fears which have destroyed the addicted person's natural instinctsand bid fair to destroy his life are the fears of future harm, loss, embarrassment, rejection ordeprivation. These fears are occasioned by his perception of a threat rather than by theimminence of physical harm. These fears are, therefore, products of his mind. They have noreality since they deal with something in the future which might or might not happen. Because theyare products of his mind, he has no power over them. He cannot be free of them himself. There isno human solution to these fears and he must have God's help to be free of them. Fear has warped and perverted the addicted person's natural instincts for sex, security andsociety so that they no longer function as God intended them. Fear has literally made him insane;that is, his mind no longer functions normally. Fear has blocked him from God and is the chiefculprit in his spiritual bankruptcy. Fear triggers violent or irrational actions. It leads to dishonestyand anger and is the principal cause of selfishness and self-centered actions. Since the spirituallybankrupt person has little or no faith, fear has him in a strangle hold. This is true no matter whatthe religious convictions of the person may be. So it is clear that the ultimate answer to fear is thegrowth of an abiding faith, but this will not occur for most people until their fears are reduced orThe Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory) cont.removed. Since only God can remove the fear, by its very removal the addicted person will find hisfaith begin to grow; he will come to believe that he can in fact trust God! It is therefore imperativethat he turn to God for the solution to his fears. Here, the advisor will be of enormous value, sincehe will urge and help the person to turn to God in prayer for relief from fear. This Step requiresthat the addicted person first: 13. recognize and write down his fears and 14. what has caused them before he appeals to God for help. There is great spiritual value in going to God after havingbecome completely honest about the problem and defining it clearly. The willingness and effort tobe searchingly honest with himself opens the door to spiritual relief for a spiritual problem. Hemust, therefore, make a list of his fears and the cause of those fears. The advisor should suggesta list of fears which are common among all people and instruct the addicted person to carefullyconsider if any of them apply to him. He should also be instructed to add to the list any other fearsand the cause of those fears. The most common fears are ten in number. • Losing what he has • Of not getting what he wants or needs • Rejection • Economic insecurity • Fear of failure • Fear of death • Seventh, fear of God's punishment • Fear of drinking or drugging • Fear of being found out for what he really is • Fear of the consequences of his previous actions Once this list is complete, the advisor must have the addicted person: 15. Admit and thoroughly discuss all of these fears and then 16. Instruct him to turn to God for the solution. A suggested prayer to be used for this purpose is as follows: "God, these are my fears. (He should tell all his fears to God) I am powerless over thesefears. I cannot get rid of them myself. I need Your help. God, please remove these fears from meand show me what You would have me be." When he has inventoried his fears and admitted them to his advisor and asked God forhelp, his fears will immediately begin to fall away from him. This process can be reduced to aformula: Fears, recognized and written down, admitted to another, and turned over to God equalNO FEAR! The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsSEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) This part of the inventory addresses itself to the primary defects of dishonesty andselfishness and to the wrongs that the addicted person has done to those with whom he has hadsuch a relationship. This, again, is a vital part of the inventory for it considers one of the mostdifficult areas in any human life; the management of the sex instinct. This instinct is so powerful inmost people that they may literally be ruled by it. Certainly, experience shows that even thosewhose behavior continues to be moral and in accordance with God's commandments will havesuffered significantly from the power of this instinct. That it is good and God-given cannot bedenied. That the continuance of the human race depends upon it is clear. Nevertheless, themisuse of this instinct causes havoc with humans and the addicted person is no exception. Themost pertinent question is whether the use of the sex powers is selfish or not. Of almost equalimportance is whether the power was used dishonestly. Then there are the moral questions ofbroken commitments, violations of God's laws, great harm done to others, infidelity, adultery,promiscuity, and incest. Some or most of these elements will be present in every addictedperson's past life. In addition, the wrongful acts of the addicted person will have created greatguilt, remorse and shame. The advisor will find that he is firmly blocked off from God as a resultAnd must understand that only a spiritual solution will solve this problem. The sex inventory istaken by first: 17. Listing all of the people with whom the addicted person has had sexual relations during his lifetime. Brief encounters may be lumped together since they will tend to have the samecharacteristics, but all longer lasting relationships must be listed by the name or by otheridentifying notations. Once this is done, 18. The person must answer five questions about each person or group of persons on the list: • Was I dishonest? • Was I selfish? • Did I arouse suspicion • Did I arouse jealousy • Did I arouse bitterness? • Did I cause harm? • What should I have done instead? The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors SEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) cont. When these questions have been answered: 19. The advisor should review the answers and discuss them thoroughly with the addicted person. Of primary importance are the evidences of: • Selfishness and • Dishonesty and • The nature of the harm done others. It is wise to refrain from expressions of moral outrage at this point, leaving the judgment toGod. The addicted person is then instructed to: 20. Write out an ideal for how he believes he should conduct himself in his future sex relationships. 21. He must pray, asking God to inspire him and to guide him in this endeavor. It is obvious that certain things in his past conduct must be changed radically; selfishnessand dishonesty must not be any part of his future relationships. In addition, he must never again doing anything deliberately to harm another person. Of prime importance is that he try to reflectGod's love, patience and understanding and to live his life in accordance with God's will and commandments. Whatever his ideal turns out to be, he must ask God for the power to live up tothat ideal and he should keep this written ideal with him and refer to it constantly. He must be Willing to turn to God in all of his relationships, seeking God's will in each case. He must surrenderhis sex instincts to the will of God without reservation. This is very difficult to do and the supportand encouragement of the spiritual advisor is essential. A sane and moral future sex life will be theresult. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual Advisors CONCLUDING THE INVENTORY Two things remain to be accomplished to conclude the Fourth Step inventory. The firstthing is to: 22. Prepare a list of all the people the addicted person has harmed by his conduct as revealed by his inventory. This list of people is the list which will be used in the Eighth Step and to whom amends must be made in the Ninth Step. Repentance requires the action of setting matters right in order to be effective. It is only through making amends that he will be set free from the guilt, remorse and shame which block him from God. The last thing to be done is a : 23. List of the addicted person's character defects. This is the list which will be used as the basis of the Fifth Ste# which follows immediately.This list should include resentments, dishonesty, selfishness and fear and may include such other objectionable traits as pride, ego, procrastination, sloth, bad temper, coveting, jealousy,intemperance, immorality, sinful behavior, defiance, rebellion and criminal behavior. Once having completed this list, the addicted person has completed his Fourth Step and is ready to take hisFifth Step.AN ADDENDUM TO THE TWELVE STEP GUIDE FOR SPIRITUAL ADVISORS AND SPONSORSBY Jim B. (Less)
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9, 06:21, 2008-04-22 09:22:46 Description: Jims experiences with the steps The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the (More) Jims experiences with the steps The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit which are the result of overwhelming fear working on the naturalinstincts. It will also uncover the wrongdoing and faults of the addicted person and will identify thepeople he has hurt by his actions. Experience has shown that, in most cases, nothing but a writteninventory will suffice. The advisor needs to know that the addicted person cannot or will not fullyreveal himself until he is required to reduce his self-examination to writing. Denial is the hallmarkof all addictions and he has been hiding from the truth about himself for years. He has become anexpert dissembler, has well-established rationalizations for his behavior and in many cases hasbeen carefully indoctrinated with the excuses which allow him to refuse to take personalresponsibility for the desperate straits into which he has fallen. This Step will also begin theprocess of God-reliance without which the addicted person is helpless. While working the Fourth Step, the addicted person will take several "leaps of faith" whichwill demonstrate the power and trust-worthiness of God when He is called upon. When theaddicted person worked his Third Step, he made a decision to turn his life and will over to thepower of God, but this Step will have no permanent effect unless he immediately takes the actionnecessary to find and be rid of the things in himself which are blocking him off from God. He mustnow put his decision into action and that action begins with the Fourth Step. By working the FourthStep, he will be enabled to identify all of the blocks, all of the insanity, all of the sin, all of the guilt,remorse and shame, and all of the twists of character which have kept him in a state of spiritualbankruptcy. For the first time in his life he will have become entirely honest with himself about allof those things he has carefully hidden from the world, even from his closest and most trustedfriends, relatives and advisors. The Fourth Step has several immediate positive results for the addicted person if he followsthe directions contained in this work. First, he will be relieved of his resentments. Second, he willbegin to lose his fears. Third, he will have an ideal for his future relationship life. Fourth, he willhave a list of all the people he has harmed by his conduct. Fifth, he will have a list of all of hisdefects of character (sins and mental twists) which block him from his God. The defects of character which the Fourth Step addresses are resentment (anger),selfishness, dishonesty and fear. Included in these defects are pride, coveting, jealousy, sloth,egoism, and procrastination. The addicted person will become aware, as he writes his inventory,of all of these problem areas. The problem of resentment and anger is addressed in the first partof the inventory and the problems of dishonesty, selfishness and fear are disclosed in the followingthree parts. In order to accomplish all of this, the addicted person will first inventory hisresentments and then use the spiritual remedy to be set free of them. He will then inventory hisown faults (sins) and look at the people he has harmed. Next, he will list his fears and begin to beset free from those fears. Finally, he will inventory his relationships of a sexual nature, lookingespecially at his selfishness and dishonesty. He will identify the people he has harmed in thoserelationships and will craft an ideal for his future relationship life, paying special attention to hisselfish conduct and selfish motives.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) It is well said that resentments are killers. They dominate our lives, block us from the graceof God, make our lives miserable, lead to thoughts and actions of revenge and consume ourthoughts. If he is to live, the addicted person must be freed from his resentments. The advisormust understand that the addicted person cannot free himself; he has to have God's help! Sincemost resentments are not overt, but, in fact, are lurking somewhere in the subconscious, they haveto be dug out. The addicted person is likely to be in full denial of many of the worst resentments.He may blame himself for the harm that was done to him. He may have pushed the resentmentsdeep inside because they are too painful to think about. Resentments of parents and closerelatives upon whom he depended as a child may be especially difficult to admit or even recognize.The idea of assigning blame or harmful conduct to those whom society has told him he must honorand tolerate may be anathema. He will feel threatened by being asked to catalogue their wrongs.Nevertheless, a full and complete exposition of the wrongs done him is essential to the applicationof a spiritual remedy; to the invoking of God's help to be freed of his anger and resentment. It isalso necessary to give the addicted person a tool to use which will aid him in identifying the peoplewho have wronged him and to make it easy to write about their actions. In addition, there are anumber of words which need to be defined in order to understand the directions for taking a FourthStep inventory. The advisor will want to start the addicted person off with helpful but non-threatening workto do and will want to start him writing without running headlong into his fears and objections.Therefore, the first task is: 1. Look up and write down the dictionary definitions of certain key words. Once this isdone, the advisor will go over the definitions with the person and point out how these words areused in the Fourth Step and how he will apply them in writing his inventory. These words are: • "Inventory" • "Resentment" • "Anger" • "Fear" • "Self-esteem" • "Relationships" (includes both personal and sex relations) • "Security" • "Ambitions" • "Wrongs" • "Domination"The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont.Next, the addicted person should be instructed to: 2. Make a list of all of the important or significant people in his life: • Family • Lovers • Teachers • Employers • Spouses • Children • Judges • Work-mates • Bosses • In-laws • And all who touched his life in any significant way This list is important because it sends the person back through his life and jogs his memory and because included in this list will be his major resentments. This way, he will not miss anyone he should include. When the significant person's list is completed,the advisor will then: 3. Give the addicted person a list of questions which must be asked about each personon his list. The answers to these questions will identify the people who must be included in theresentment list. The answers will also indicate what the addicted person must write about withrespect to the actions of the people he resents. These questions are: • Did this person harm me in any way? • Did this person threaten me in any way? • Did this person wrong me in any way? • Did this person make me angry at any time? • Was this person unfair to me in any way? If the answer is "yes" to any one or more of these question, then that person must be included in the resentment list. To write the list, it is only necessary to: 4. Write down the name of the person andDescribe in detail what that person did which: • Wronged • Harmed • Angered • Threatened and/or • Was unfair to him.The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont. This is done without reference to any wrongs the addicted person may have done to thaperson. It is vital that the wrongs of others stand out in clear detail without amelioration or excuseof any kind. Once the wrongs of others are detailed, the person must then: 6. Write down which of his natural instincts for: • Sex • Security or • Society Were harmed or threatened by the wrongful conduct. He must also be aware and writedown that the wrongs of others were always accompanied by fear; that every resentment is aproduct of fear. We are never angry unless we are threatened in some way. Thus, fear is theprimary trigger for anger and resentment! When the resentment list is completed: 7. The addicted person and the advisor must review it thoroughly. 8. The advisor should point out how destructive and dangerous these resentments are to him and how powerless he is over them. He should know that anger is a deadly poison to him and that since the anger is triggered byfear, he should be able to see that freedom from fear is the ultimate answer to the recurrence ofresentments. In the final analysis, freedom from fear is the product of an abiding faith. At thispoint: 9. The advisor should instruct the addicted person in the spiritual remedy forresentments: • First, it is important to know that the people who harmed him are very probably spiritually sick and that he should view them as sick people. • Second, he must understand that in order to be freed from his resentments, he must be willing to forgive the wrongs that were done him. If he is not willing to forgive, he should pray for the willingness until it comes. He clearlyknows the wrongs he is forgiving, because he has fully and honestly inventoried them withoutdilution of any kind. Therefore, his forgiveness will be fully effective. • Third, he must now pray for each of the people on his list, asking God to give them everything he would want for himself and asking that his anger be removed and that God show him how to be helpful to each of them. When these things are done, his resentments will disappear; he will be freed of this mostdamaging mental aberration.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) This second part of the inventory is designed to uncover the addicted person's defects ofcharacter: • Selfishness • Dishonesty • FearAnd to clearly define his wrongs. He will see how his: • Attitudes • Motives and • Actionshave caused serious harm to other people. He will begin to compile his Eighth Step amends list ofpeople he has harmed. This inventory is not designed or intended to indict or condemn the person,but, rather, to demonstrate to him how his actions have been the cause of his failures in life; howhe must accept responsibility for the results. He is the author of his own misery! God did not do it!The choices he has made, the wrongs he has deliberately committed, his defiance of God's lawsand the violations of his own sense of right and wrong have been the operative causes of hisspiritual bankruptcy. He will see how he has violated the basic rights of other people and how theyretaliated. He will come to understand clearly that, but for his own actions, motivations andattitudes, his life would have been entirely different. He is not the victim. He is the progenitor ofhis own difficulties. The advisor will take a kindly and tolerant view of these deficiencies, sinceharsh criticism or judgments will be entirely counter-productive at this point. To work this second part, the addicted person must answer certain specific questionsconcerning his actions, motivations and attitudes as those relate to his relations with the people onhis resentments list. To accomplish this, he will refer to the list again and put out of his mind thewrongs that the people on the list have done him. He will then look honestly and thoroughly at his own wrongs without reference to what wasdone to him. As to each person on his resentments list, he must: 10. Answer five specific questions. • Where was I dishonest with this person? • Where was I selfish with this person? • Where was I self-centered with this person? • Where did I act with fright? • Did I harm this person in any way by my actions?The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) cont. 11. These questions must be answered with a narrative description of his • actions • motivations and • attitudes. He will, therefore, clearly delineate the defects of dishonesty, selfishness and fearfulresponse. He will begin to see how destructive these defects are to him personally and to thosewith whom he has contact. He will continue to answer these questions with respect to everyone onhis resentment list. When this part of the inventory is complete: 1 12. The advisor should review it with the addicted person, pointing out the defects (dishonesty, selfishness & fear) and the way these have ruined his life and blocked him from God. One important aspect of the advisor's work is the continuous monitoring of the inventory inprogress. First, this permits the advisor to correct mistakes or omissions as the work progresses.Second, the advisor gains much insight into the problems to be faced. Third, the addicted personbecomes used to discussing his darker side with his advisor which will make the coming Fifth Stepfar more productive.THE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory This Third part of the inventory is crucial. This is a tool or technique which will be used bythe addicted person for the rest of his life. The fears which will be the subject of this part are notthe fears arising from the immediate threat of physical harm. The `fight or flight" syndrome is notwhat is addressed here. The fears which have destroyed the addicted person's natural instinctsand bid fair to destroy his life are the fears of future harm, loss, embarrassment, rejection ordeprivation. These fears are occasioned by his perception of a threat rather than by theimminence of physical harm. These fears are, therefore, products of his mind. They have noreality since they deal with something in the future which might or might not happen. Because theyare products of his mind, he has no power over them. He cannot be free of them himself. There isno human solution to these fears and he must have God's help to be free of them. Fear has warped and perverted the addicted person's natural instincts for sex, security andsociety so that they no longer function as God intended them. Fear has literally made him insane;that is, his mind no longer functions normally. Fear has blocked him from God and is the chiefculprit in his spiritual bankruptcy. Fear triggers violent or irrational actions. It leads to dishonestyand anger and is the principal cause of selfishness and self-centered actions. Since the spirituallybankrupt person has little or no faith, fear has him in a strangle hold. This is true no matter whatthe religious convictions of the person may be. So it is clear that the ultimate answer to fear is thegrowth of an abiding faith, but this will not occur for most people until their fears are reduced orThe Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory) cont.removed. Since only God can remove the fear, by its very removal the addicted person will find hisfaith begin to grow; he will come to believe that he can in fact trust God! It is therefore imperativethat he turn to God for the solution to his fears. Here, the advisor will be of enormous value, sincehe will urge and help the person to turn to God in prayer for relief from fear. This Step requiresthat the addicted person first: 13. recognize and write down his fears and 14. what has caused them before he appeals to God for help. There is great spiritual value in going to God after havingbecome completely honest about the problem and defining it clearly. The willingness and effort tobe searchingly honest with himself opens the door to spiritual relief for a spiritual problem. Hemust, therefore, make a list of his fears and the cause of those fears. The advisor should suggesta list of fears which are common among all people and instruct the addicted person to carefullyconsider if any of them apply to him. He should also be instructed to add to the list any other fearsand the cause of those fears. The most common fears are ten in number. • Losing what he has • Of not getting what he wants or needs • Rejection • Economic insecurity • Fear of failure • Fear of death • Seventh, fear of God's punishment • Fear of drinking or drugging • Fear of being found out for what he really is • Fear of the consequences of his previous actions Once this list is complete, the advisor must have the addicted person: 15. Admit and thoroughly discuss all of these fears and then 16. Instruct him to turn to God for the solution. A suggested prayer to be used for this purpose is as follows: "God, these are my fears. (He should tell all his fears to God) I am powerless over thesefears. I cannot get rid of them myself. I need Your help. God, please remove these fears from meand show me what You would have me be." When he has inventoried his fears and admitted them to his advisor and asked God forhelp, his fears will immediately begin to fall away from him. This process can be reduced to aformula: Fears, recognized and written down, admitted to another, and turned over to God equalNO FEAR! The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsSEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) This part of the inventory addresses itself to the primary defects of dishonesty andselfishness and to the wrongs that the addicted person has done to those with whom he has hadsuch a relationship. This, again, is a vital part of the inventory for it considers one of the mostdifficult areas in any human life; the management of the sex instinct. This instinct is so powerful inmost people that they may literally be ruled by it. Certainly, experience shows that even thosewhose behavior continues to be moral and in accordance with God's commandments will havesuffered significantly from the power of this instinct. That it is good and God-given cannot bedenied. That the continuance of the human race depends upon it is clear. Nevertheless, themisuse of this instinct causes havoc with humans and the addicted person is no exception. Themost pertinent question is whether the use of the sex powers is selfish or not. Of almost equalimportance is whether the power was used dishonestly. Then there are the moral questions ofbroken commitments, violations of God's laws, great harm done to others, infidelity, adultery,promiscuity, and incest. Some or most of these elements will be present in every addictedperson's past life. In addition, the wrongful acts of the addicted person will have created greatguilt, remorse and shame. The advisor will find that he is firmly blocked off from God as a resultAnd must understand that only a spiritual solution will solve this problem. The sex inventory istaken by first: 17. Listing all of the people with whom the addicted person has had sexual relations during his lifetime. Brief encounters may be lumped together since they will tend to have the samecharacteristics, but all longer lasting relationships must be listed by the name or by otheridentifying notations. Once this is done, 18. The person must answer five questions about each person or group of persons on the list: • Was I dishonest? • Was I selfish? • Did I arouse suspicion • Did I arouse jealousy • Did I arouse bitterness? • Did I cause harm? • What should I have done instead? The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors SEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) cont. When these questions have been answered: 19. The advisor should review the answers and discuss them thoroughly with the addicted person. Of primary importance are the evidences of: • Selfishness and • Dishonesty and • The nature of the harm done others. It is wise to refrain from expressions of moral outrage at this point, leaving the judgment toGod. The addicted person is then instructed to: 20. Write out an ideal for how he believes he should conduct himself in his future sex relationships. 21. He must pray, asking God to inspire him and to guide him in this endeavor. It is obvious that certain things in his past conduct must be changed radically; selfishnessand dishonesty must not be any part of his future relationships. In addition, he must never againdoing anything deliberately to harm another person. Of prime importance is that he try to reflectGod's love, patience and understanding and to live his life in accordance with God's will andcommandments. Whatever his ideal turns out to be, he must ask God for the power to live up tothat ideal and he should keep this written ideal with him and refer to it constantly. He must beWilling to turn to God in all of his relationships, seeking God's will in each case. He must surrenderhis sex instincts to the will of God without reservation. This is very difficult to do and the supportand encouragement of the spiritual advisor is essential. A sane and moral future sex life will be theresult. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsCONCLUDING THE INVENTORY Two things remain to be accomplished to conclude the Fourth Step inventory. The firstthing is to: 22. Prepare a list of all the people the addicted person has harmed by his conduct as revealed by his inventory. This list of people is the list which will be used in the Eighth Step and to whom amends mustbe made in the Ninth Step. Repentance requires the action of setting matters right in order to beeffective. It is only through making amends that he will be set free from the guilt, remorse andshame which block him from God. The last thing to be done is a : 23. List of the addicted person's character defects. This is the list which will be used as the basis of the Fifth Ste# which follows immediately.This list should include resentments, dishonesty, selfishness and fear and may include such otherobjectionable traits as pride, ego, procrastination, sloth, bad temper, coveting, jealousy,intemperance, immorality, sinful behavior, defiance, rebellion and criminal behavior. Once havingcompleted this list, the addicted person has completed his Fourth Step and is ready to take hisFifth Step.AN ADDENDUM TO THE TWELVE STEP GUIDE FOR SPIRITUAL ADVISORS AND SPONSORSBY Jim B. (Less)
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9, 06:16, 2008-04-22 09:46:34 Description: jims talking about the steps in his life The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of (More) jims talking about the steps in his life The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINTRODUCTION The Fourth Step is a written inventory which is designed to reveal those twists andperversions of the mind and spirit which are the result of overwhelming fear working on the naturalinstincts. It will also uncover the wrongdoing and faults of the addicted person and will identify thepeople he has hurt by his actions. Experience has shown that, in most cases, nothing but a writteninventory will suffice. The advisor needs to know that the addicted person cannot or will not fullyreveal himself until he is required to reduce his self-examination to writing. Denial is the hallmarkof all addictions and he has been hiding from the truth about himself for years. He has become anexpert dissembler, has well-established rationalizations for his behavior and in many cases hasbeen carefully indoctrinated with the excuses which allow him to refuse to take personalresponsibility for the desperate straits into which he has fallen. This Step will also begin theprocess of God-reliance without which the addicted person is helpless. While working the Fourth Step, the addicted person will take several "leaps of faith" whichwill demonstrate the power and trust-worthiness of God when He is called upon. When theaddicted person worked his Third Step, he made a decision to turn his life and will over to thepower of God, but this Step will have no permanent effect unless he immediately takes the actionnecessary to find and be rid of the things in himself which are blocking him off from God. He mustnow put his decision into action and that action begins with the Fourth Step. By working the FourthStep, he will be enabled to identify all of the blocks, all of the insanity, all of the sin, all of the guilt,remorse and shame, and all of the twists of character which have kept him in a state of spiritualbankruptcy. For the first time in his life he will have become entirely honest with himself about allof those things he has carefully hidden from the world, even from his closest and most trustedfriends, relatives and advisors. The Fourth Step has several immediate positive results for the addicted person if he followsthe directions contained in this work. First, he will be relieved of his resentments. Second, he willbegin to lose his fears. Third, he will have an ideal for his future relationship life. Fourth, he willhave a list of all the people he has harmed by his conduct. Fifth, he will have a list of all of hisdefects of character (sins and mental twists) which block him from his God. The defects of character which the Fourth Step addresses are resentment (anger),selfishness, dishonesty and fear. Included in these defects are pride, coveting, jealousy, sloth,egoism, and procrastination. The addicted person will become aware, as he writes his inventory,of all of these problem areas. The problem of resentment and anger is addressed in the first partof the inventory and the problems of dishonesty, selfishness and fear are disclosed in the followingthree parts. In order to accomplish all of this, the addicted person will first inventory hisresentments and then use the spiritual remedy to be set free of them. He will then inventory hisown faults (sins) and look at the people he has harmed. Next, he will list his fears and begin to beset free from those fears. Finally, he will inventory his relationships of a sexual nature, lookingespecially at his selfishness and dishonesty. He will identify the people he has harmed in thoserelationships and will craft an ideal for his future relationship life, paying special attention to hisselfish conduct and selfish motives.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) It is well said that resentments are killers. They dominate our lives, block us from the graceof God, make our lives miserable, lead to thoughts and actions of revenge and consume ourthoughts. If he is to live, the addicted person must be freed from his resentments. The advisormust understand that the addicted person cannot free himself; he has to have God's help! Sincemost resentments are not overt, but, in fact, are lurking somewhere in the subconscious, they haveto be dug out. The addicted person is likely to be in full denial of many of the worst resentments.He may blame himself for the harm that was done to him. He may have pushed the resentmentsdeep inside because they are too painful to think about. Resentments of parents and closerelatives upon whom he depended as a child may be especially difficult to admit or even recognize.The idea of assigning blame or harmful conduct to those whom society has told him he must honorand tolerate may be anathema. He will feel threatened by being asked to catalogue their wrongs.Nevertheless, a full and complete exposition of the wrongs done him is essential to the applicationof a spiritual remedy; to the invoking of God's help to be freed of his anger and resentment. It isalso necessary to give the addicted person a tool to use which will aid him in identifying the peoplewho have wronged him and to make it easy to write about their actions. In addition, there are anumber of words which need to be defined in order to understand the directions for taking a FourthStep inventory. The advisor will want to start the addicted person off with helpful but non-threatening workto do and will want to start him writing without running headlong into his fears and objections.Therefore, the first task is: 1. Look up and write down the dictionary definitions of certain key words. Once this isdone, the advisor will go over the definitions with the person and point out how these words areused in the Fourth Step and how he will apply them in writing his inventory. These words are: • "Inventory" • "Resentment" • "Anger" • "Fear" • "Self-esteem" • "Relationships" (includes both personal and sex relations) • "Security" • "Ambitions" • "Wrongs" • "Domination"The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont.Next, the addicted person should be instructed to: 2. Make a list of all of the important or significant people in his life: • Family • Lovers • Teachers • Employers • Spouses • Children • Judges • Work-mates • Bosses • In-laws • And all who touched his life in any significant way This list is important because it sends the person back through his life and jogs his memory and because included in this list will be his major resentments. This way, he will not miss anyone he should include. When the significant person's list is completed,the advisor will then: 3. Give the addicted person a list of questions which must be asked about each personon his list. The answers to these questions will identify the people who must be included in theresentment list. The answers will also indicate what the addicted person must write about withrespect to the actions of the people he resents. These questions are: • Did this person harm me in any way? • Did this person threaten me in any way? • Did this person wrong me in any way? • Did this person make me angry at any time? • Was this person unfair to me in any way? If the answer is "yes" to any one or more of these question, then that person must be included in the resentment list. To write the list, it is only necessary to: 4. Write down the name of the person andDescribe in detail what that person did which: • Wronged • Harmed • Angered • Threatened and/or • Was unfair to him.The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors THE RESENTMENT LIST (Part 1 of the Inventory) cont. This is done without reference to any wrongs the addicted person may have done to thaperson. It is vital that the wrongs of others stand out in clear detail without amelioration or excuseof any kind. Once the wrongs of others are detailed, the person must then: 6. Write down which of his natural instincts for: • Sex • Security or • Society Were harmed or threatened by the wrongful conduct. He must also be aware and writedown that the wrongs of others were always accompanied by fear; that every resentment is aproduct of fear. We are never angry unless we are threatened in some way. Thus, fear is theprimary trigger for anger and resentment! When the resentment list is completed: 7. The addicted person and the advisor must review it thoroughly. 8. The advisor should point out how destructive and dangerous these resentments are to him and how powerless he is over them. He should know that anger is a deadly poison to him and that since the anger is triggered byfear, he should be able to see that freedom from fear is the ultimate answer to the recurrence ofresentments. In the final analysis, freedom from fear is the product of an abiding faith. At thispoint: 9. The advisor should instruct the addicted person in the spiritual remedy forresentments: • First, it is important to know that the people who harmed him are very probably spiritually sick and that he should view them as sick people. • Second, he must understand that in order to be freed from his resentments, he must be willing to forgive the wrongs that were done him. If he is not willing to forgive, he should pray for the willingness until it comes. He clearlyknows the wrongs he is forgiving, because he has fully and honestly inventoried them withoutdilution of any kind. Therefore, his forgiveness will be fully effective. • Third, he must now pray for each of the people on his list, asking God to give them everything he would want for himself and asking that his anger be removed and that God show him how to be helpful to each of them. When these things are done, his resentments will disappear; he will be freed of this mostdamaging mental aberration.The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsINVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) This second part of the inventory is designed to uncover the addicted person's defects ofcharacter: • Selfishness • Dishonesty • FearAnd to clearly define his wrongs. He will see how his: • Attitudes • Motives and • Actionshave caused serious harm to other people. He will begin to compile his Eighth Step amends list ofpeople he has harmed. This inventory is not designed or intended to indict or condemn the person,but, rather, to demonstrate to him how his actions have been the cause of his failures in life; howhe must accept responsibility for the results. He is the author of his own misery! God did not do it!The choices he has made, the wrongs he has deliberately committed, his defiance of God's lawsand the violations of his own sense of right and wrong have been the operative causes of hisspiritual bankruptcy. He will see how he has violated the basic rights of other people and how theyretaliated. He will come to understand clearly that, but for his own actions, motivations andattitudes, his life would have been entirely different. He is not the victim. He is the progenitor ofhis own difficulties. The advisor will take a kindly and tolerant view of these deficiencies, sinceharsh criticism or judgments will be entirely counter-productive at this point. To work this second part, the addicted person must answer certain specific questionsconcerning his actions, motivations and attitudes as those relate to his relations with the people onhis resentments list. To accomplish this, he will refer to the list again and put out of his mind thewrongs that the people on the list have done him. He will then look honestly and thoroughly at his own wrongs without reference to what wasdone to him. As to each person on his resentments list, he must: 10. Answer five specific questions. • Where was I dishonest with this person? • Where was I selfish with this person? • Where was I self-centered with this person? • Where did I act with fright? • Did I harm this person in any way by my actions?The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors INVENTORY OF WRONGS (Part 2 of the inventory) cont. 11. These questions must be answered with a narrative description of his • actions • motivations and • attitudes. He will, therefore, clearly delineate the defects of dishonesty, selfishness and fearfulresponse. He will begin to see how destructive these defects are to him personally and to thosewith whom he has contact. He will continue to answer these questions with respect to everyone onhis resentment list. When this part of the inventory is complete: 1 12. The advisor should review it with the addicted person, pointing out the defects (dishonesty, selfishness & fear) and the way these have ruined his life and blocked him from God. One important aspect of the advisor's work is the continuous monitoring of the inventory inprogress. First, this permits the advisor to correct mistakes or omissions as the work progresses.Second, the advisor gains much insight into the problems to be faced. Third, the addicted personbecomes used to discussing his darker side with his advisor which will make the coming Fifth Stepfar more productive.THE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory This Third part of the inventory is crucial. This is a tool or technique which will be used bythe addicted person for the rest of his life. The fears which will be the subject of this part are notthe fears arising from the immediate threat of physical harm. The `fight or flight" syndrome is notwhat is addressed here. The fears which have destroyed the addicted person's natural instinctsand bid fair to destroy his life are the fears of future harm, loss, embarrassment, rejection ordeprivation. These fears are occasioned by his perception of a threat rather than by theimminence of physical harm. These fears are, therefore, products of his mind. They have noreality since they deal with something in the future which might or might not happen. Because theyare products of his mind, he has no power over them. He cannot be free of them himself. There isno human solution to these fears and he must have God's help to be free of them. Fear has warped and perverted the addicted person's natural instincts for sex, security andsociety so that they no longer function as God intended them. Fear has literally made him insane;that is, his mind no longer functions normally. Fear has blocked him from God and is the chiefculprit in his spiritual bankruptcy. Fear triggers violent or irrational actions. It leads to dishonestyand anger and is the principal cause of selfishness and self-centered actions. Since the spirituallybankrupt person has little or no faith, fear has him in a strangle hold. This is true no matter whatthe religious convictions of the person may be. So it is clear that the ultimate answer to fear is thegrowth of an abiding faith, but this will not occur for most people until their fears are reduced orThe Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsTHE FEARS LIST (Part 3 of the inventory) cont.removed. Since only God can remove the fear, by its very removal the addicted person will find hisfaith begin to grow; he will come to believe that he can in fact trust God! It is therefore imperativethat he turn to God for the solution to his fears. Here, the advisor will be of enormous value, sincehe will urge and help the person to turn to God in prayer for relief from fear. This Step requiresthat the addicted person first: 13. recognize and write down his fears and 14. what has caused them before he appeals to God for help. There is great spiritual value in going to God after havingbecome completely honest about the problem and defining it clearly. The willingness and effort tobe searchingly honest with himself opens the door to spiritual relief for a spiritual problem. Hemust, therefore, make a list of his fears and the cause of those fears. The advisor should suggesta list of fears which are common among all people and instruct the addicted person to carefullyconsider if any of them apply to him. He should also be instructed to add to the list any other fearsand the cause of those fears. The most common fears are ten in number. • Losing what he has • Of not getting what he wants or needs • Rejection • Economic insecurity • Fear of failure • Fear of death • Seventh, fear of God's punishment • Fear of drinking or drugging • Fear of being found out for what he really is • Fear of the consequences of his previous actions Once this list is complete, the advisor must have the addicted person: 15. Admit and thoroughly discuss all of these fears and then 16. Instruct him to turn to God for the solution. A suggested prayer to be used for this purpose is as follows: "God, these are my fears. (He should tell all his fears to God) I am powerless over thesefears. I cannot get rid of them myself. I need Your help. God, please remove these fears from meand show me what You would have me be." When he has inventoried his fears and admitted them to his advisor and asked God forhelp, his fears will immediately begin to fall away from him. This process can be reduced to aformula: Fears, recognized and written down, admitted to another, and turned over to God equalNO FEAR! The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsSEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) This part of the inventory addresses itself to the primary defects of dishonesty andselfishness and to the wrongs that the addicted person has done to those with whom he has hadsuch a relationship. This, again, is a vital part of the inventory for it considers one of the mostdifficult areas in any human life; the management of the sex instinct. This instinct is so powerful inmost people that they may literally be ruled by it. Certainly, experience shows that even thosewhose behavior continues to be moral and in accordance with God's commandments will havesuffered significantly from the power of this instinct. That it is good and God-given cannot bedenied. That the continuance of the human race depends upon it is clear. Nevertheless, themisuse of this instinct causes havoc with humans and the addicted person is no exception. Themost pertinent question is whether the use of the sex powers is selfish or not. Of almost equalimportance is whether the power was used dishonestly. Then there are the moral questions ofbroken commitments, violations of God's laws, great harm done to others, infidelity, adultery,promiscuity, and incest. Some or most of these elements will be present in every addictedperson's past life. In addition, the wrongful acts of the addicted person will have created greatguilt, remorse and shame. The advisor will find that he is firmly blocked off from God as a resultAnd must understand that only a spiritual solution will solve this problem. The sex inventory istaken by first: 17. Listing all of the people with whom the addicted person has had sexual relations during his lifetime. Brief encounters may be lumped together since they will tend to have the samecharacteristics, but all longer lasting relationships must be listed by the name or by otheridentifying notations. Once this is done, 18. The person must answer five questions about each person or group of persons on the list: • Was I dishonest? • Was I selfish? • Did I arouse suspicion • Did I arouse jealousy • Did I arouse bitterness? • Did I cause harm? • What should I have done instead? The Fourth Step A Guide For Spiritual Advisors SEXUAL RELATIONS LIST (Part 4 of the inventory) cont. When these questions have been answered: 19. The advisor should review the answers and discuss them thoroughly with the addicted person. Of primary importance are the evidences of: • Selfishness and • Dishonesty and • The nature of the harm done others. It is wise to refrain from expressions of moral outrage at this point, leaving the judgment toGod. The addicted person is then instructed to: 20. Write out an ideal for how he believes he should conduct himself in his future sex relationships. 21. He must pray, asking God to inspire him and to guide him in this endeavor. It is obvious that certain things in his past conduct must be changed radically; selfishnessand dishonesty must not be any part of his future relationships. In addition, he must never againdoing anything deliberately to harm another person. Of prime importance is that he try to reflectGod's love, patience and understanding and to live his life in accordance with God's will andcommandments. Whatever his ideal turns out to be, he must ask God for the power to live up tothat ideal and he should keep this written ideal with him and refer to it constantly. He must beWilling to turn to God in all of his relationships, seeking God's will in each case. He must surrenderhis sex instincts to the will of God without reservation. This is very difficult to do and the supportand encouragement of the spiritual advisor is essential. A sane and moral future sex life will be theresult. The Fourth StepA Guide For Spiritual AdvisorsCONCLUDING THE INVENTORY Two things remain to be accomplished to conclude the Fourth Step inventory. The firstthing is to: 22. Prepare a list of all the people the addicted person has harmed by his conduct as revealed by his inventory. This list of people is the list which will be used in the Eighth Step and to whom amends mustbe made in the Ninth Step. Repentance requires the action of setting matters right in order to beeffective. It is only through making amends that he will be set free from the guilt, remorse andshame which block him from God. The last thing to be done is a : 23. List of the addicted person's character defects. This is the list which will be used as the basis of the Fifth Ste# which follows immediately.This list should include resentments, dishonesty, selfishness and fear and may include such otherobjectionable traits as pride, ego, procrastination, sloth, bad temper, coveting, jealousy,intemperance, immorality, sinful behavior, defiance, rebellion and criminal behavior. Once havingcompleted this list, the addicted person has completed his Fourth Step and is ready to take hisFifth Step.AN ADDENDUM TO THE TWELVE STEP GUIDE FOR SPIRITUAL ADVISORS AND SPONSORSBY Jim B. (Less)
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